How did your DP react to childbirth!

[ChicaBallerina]

I'm a bit concerned about DP. I'm extremely open minded, think childbirth is a beautiful thing, don't see anything gross about it, and whilst I'm nervous and know it's going to hurt (a lot), I'm looking forward to the experience and delivering my baby.

DP thinks the whole thing is gross, doesn't want to get in the water bath with me (if I do end up having one), doesn't want to look, thinks the whole thing is disgusting and weird etc.

He has one daughter from a previous relationship but this was a c section and he wasn't in the room so no experience of the actual birth.

Is his a normal reaction? How did your DP react to seeing childbirth for the first time?

Mine didn’t think it was gross but he is very squeamish and with our first he left the room to be sick a few times and it did make him feel really rough . I had a planned section for the second and it was pre agreed that he would wait outside and be given baby ASAP after the delivery which worked well as I was busy throwing up so wasn’t much use . Last thing I wanted was him fainting or throwing up midway through the procedure so much less stress all round for him to be waiting outside the door .

I think childbirth is gross too! Yuck. But I want a child so I'll deal with it. Im sure my husband thinks childbirth is gross too but he'll be there for the birth anyway.

A birth partner should be there to encourage you, support you and - very importantly - advocate for you.

He’s making it all about him. It needs to be all about YOU (and the baby).

Ps while my experience was empowering, special, amongst the biggest achievements of my life (and not without difficulty), it certainly wasn’t beautiful.

Fortunately, DH was cool,calm and collected in the face (face?) of me giving birth, as he ended up delivering Dc3 himself in the kitchen..

Birth ain’t pretty but it is amazing. I was adamant he stayed at the top end, but wanted him there to understand how bloody hard it is... and how ace my female body is!

Maybe he will come up trumps when he has to be there for you. If you genuinely don't think he will be able to put you and (by extension) your child first then have another birth partner to advocate for you.if you are very generous your DP could then come in when he wants toor could stay outside.
I don't think his attitude is alright btw but you do need some support.

I realise this is missing the point of the thread but why on earth would you want him to get in the pool with you? They're not huge and you'll be writhing around in pain most likely and swimming in your own bodily fluids. I would have hated having DH in there with me, he annoyed me enough just sitting there!

I had a c-section partly due to tokophobia. I do not appreciate the suggestion that being unable to "get my head round childbirth" means I shouldn't be having children.

OP, I absolutely support your right to have the birth you want but wild horses couldn't drag me into a bath filled with my husband's poo, blood and amniotic fluid on anything other than a genuine emergency basis. I also made my husband promise not to go near the business end if I went into labour early and couldn't have a section. I don't think your husband is being very unreasonable personally but it is also not unreasonable for you to have the birth you want not that the baby will have read your birth plan mind so absolutely don't have him in with you if it won't help.

Just because the birth freaks him out doesn't bear any relation to how he'll be with baby. Honestly if I could just be knocked out and be unaware of the whole birth thing I would, it terrifies me and I don't see it as a beautiful thing, more like a brutal necessity. I also wouldn't want to be in water filled with all kinds of my own fluids let alone someone else's.

DH kept going to the pub. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask him to get into the birthing pool though.

Mine is fantastic very supportive and knows when to leave me be however does faint in a crisis and can’t deal with blood... looking forward to our fist born coming in 14 weeks 😂

My DP is super squeamish! Couldn't even handle seeing the baby squirm in my belly. And had always said if I to have a caesarean he wouldn't be able to be in the room.

However when the day came (last week actually) he was incredible! Soooooo supportive through every second and I did have a caeserean in the end.. And even though my Mum was there (and she's a doula) he didn't hesitate for a second about coming in with me! And then he cried like a baby when she arrived

To be fair my husband was the same, he got sprayed with my waters 😂 as did the midwife !
He was fab, he was crying about how proud he was and how beautiful my little one was and then got a nosebleed lol

There's no way I would expect my DH to sit in a bath with everything floating about in it, poor thing!

He was nervous but brilliant. My mum popped her head in to say good luck and I made her stay!!! It was great though as She knew how to give birth and knew me best. It wasn't planned but was perfect. DH brought me water until midwife said baby was crowning. Baby was born under water with her eyes wide open and looked straight at him. He described it as euphoric. He cut the cord.

Looking back, I loved the experience but at the time I was really nervous. Good luck 😉

See, on one hand people are saying you need someone to advocate for you because you may be incapable of consent and on the other hand there are people saying they asked their partners not to look and their partners looked anyway when they were incapable of consent.

That’s difficult for me. I needed to be in control of who saw what. And when. And how. So I arranged everything like that. It might not be another person’s choice, but the OP says she’d love to give birth alone without her partner and it is important someone acknowledges that it is her choice and a valid one

Having had dc2 a few days ago where DH had no choice but to deliver baby (home birth, didn't call midwife in time as didn't think contractions were strong enough), I don't think that having your DH attempt to catch baby is a good idea. DH did catch dc2 but only just as they're apparently very slippery. His first experience was almost being dropped on the floor.

Had we had a choice in the matter I would have preferred a midwife to catch dc2 and DH not have to watch very closely and concentrate on watching the birth at close range and I think he would too. He's still pretty happy to have delivered and see baby first but it wasn't what was planned.

Moody I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's drenched the midwife!