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Original poster

AIBU to think she's announced it already?!

55 replies

UnicornPee · 22/08/2016 18:14

An old work friend has announced on Gacebook her second pregnancy. She is 5 weeks and due the end of April.
She has them gone on to say how she's already ordered her pram today and a cot/ changing unit/ etc etc.

As I suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks (and never told anyone I was preg) I think this is so stupid.
If she is unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage (as I have found it how common they are) she is going to suffer badly having to announce it to the world and return all her new possessions.

I see it as tempting fate?

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MyBreadIsEggy · 22/08/2016 18:18

Not something I would do.
But each to their own. Her life. Her business.

Ginmakesitallok · 22/08/2016 18:19

It's up to her.

I've had 2 mcs, and when I was pregnant with dd2 my mum kept going on about how it was early days, that I shouldn't mention it to anyone. It was awful- like she was waiting for me to mc. She saw having a mc as something to be ashamed of.

Original poster
UnicornPee · 22/08/2016 18:22

I definetly don't think ts anything to be ashamed of at all. Hell no.
But announcing something to 400 people knowing you haven't got the all clear everything is as it should be.
I know after my MC I wanted time alone, my own space.
Not the thought of writing a Facebook status to tell everyone my shit news

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SmallBee · 22/08/2016 18:23

I told everyone at five weeks with Dc2, but that was because I was so horrendously ill there was no hiding it. I didn't put anything on Facebook but everyone I told I would have wanted support from had something gone wrong.

I don't believe in tempting fate, I'm not superstitious and I don't think you risk a miscarriage because you have brought something or walked under a ladder or seen a cat. However I think each to their own, it's a very anxious time and everyone should so whatever helps them the most.

hownottofuckup · 22/08/2016 18:24

Don't see the problem tbh, I didn't announce it on FB but I did tell everyone I've had a miscarriage in secret before and it isn't something I'd wish to do again. When people know, it takes less explaining.

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa · 22/08/2016 18:25

Well if she was to miscarry then she could use the cot etc. for when she finally does have a baby and would not have to return them

April241 · 22/08/2016 18:25

I don't think it's stupid, just a personal choice and what some people prefer to do. I told my boss, close friends, my sister and our parents at 4 weeks. My Grans and aunts found out at 8 weeks and everyone else at 13 weeks.

It's not something I'd put on Facebook that early right enough but the people I told were the ones I'd tell should something happen. I had a miscarriage scare a few days after 4 weeks and the support I had really helped me through.

I wouldn't be buying prams etc, it is a bit early for that plus if she's had no scans she'll have no idea if there's more than one and would need a different pram etc. I don't see it as tempting fate though, unfortunately whatever will happen will happen and having some baby bits ordered won't change that.

I too have a friend who announced her pregnancy at around 8 weeks on FB but unfortunately miscarried last year. A few weeks ago she put up another post saying she's pregnant again and was 5 weeks at the time of the post.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage Flowers

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 22/08/2016 18:25

I see it as tempting fate? is actually really offensive.

Do you really think if something happened it would be because she announced it.

Maybe she would want support if something were to happen, maybe she would tell people anyway. She is doing it differently to you, neither of you are wrong to do it your own way, but don't judge her for it, and never use the phrase 'tempting fate' it's awful.

Original poster
UnicornPee · 22/08/2016 18:27

Elsa bore off you have got the wrong end of the stick.
I have had a bloody MC

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Original poster
UnicornPee · 22/08/2016 18:28

My English is clearly crap so however you took it is nt what I meant: I've had a mc it was horrible. I'm hardly saying "oh ha ha now she has put it on FB she's gonna have one"
I'm not a bitch thank you

OP posts:
April241 · 22/08/2016 18:30

But announcing something to 400 people knowing you haven't got the all clear everything is as it should be.

Unfortunately ever after the 12 week scan things can go horribly wrong, even after perfectly normal, complication free and healthy pregnancies things can go wrong so in that sense there's no perfect time to tell people.

Advicepls7080 · 22/08/2016 18:31

Unicorn pee :/ no need to jump on Elsa like that but saying tempting fate is daft! It's on par with those who talk about Karma.

I didn't announce my pregnancy full stop but I suppose some people like to let everyone know .. Or can't hold their own water

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 22/08/2016 18:31

Saying she is tempting fate is offensive. I didn't say you were wishing one on her. I didn't say you were a bitch either Confused

Sorry for your MC Flowers

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/08/2016 18:33

When I had my first mc (6 weeks) I wished I had told everyone as I was faced with having to do so in very upsetting circumstances, I think it would have been easier if they'd already known I was pregnant. I definitely did not want to shoulder it alone.

Saying this is a stupid thing to do is pretty nasty IMO.

CeCeBloomer · 22/08/2016 19:04

I have had 4 miscarriages and still don't judge anyone's choices as to when to tell or not too. Having miscarriages takes away the naivety that everything is going to be ok but most of the time it is.

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/08/2016 19:10

I don't understand why anyone would make a fb announcement so early. A colleague of mine actually brought her positive pregnancy test into work to show everyone the day she took it. Shed had 7 unsuccessful rounds of Ivf previously. This was her 8 th and final go. Her understandable joy lasted a fortnight. It was awful, really awful.

I don't think she's 'tempting fate' but I do think (for me anyway) it would be all the harder to deal with a mc when you have announced your pregnancy to the world.

Sorry for your Mc op. X

Bananasinpyjamas12 · 22/08/2016 19:18

I think your comparing your experience to hers too much. It's up to her to tell people when she wants and there's no right or wrong. I have a friend who had a mc and says that she regretted not telling people she was pregnant as she then had limited support to help her with her mc. Equally some people are just more open than others about these things. I think there's no harm at all in what she's doing.

ladyvimes · 22/08/2016 19:26

No such thing as tempting fate.

Her pregnancy, her choice when to announce it.

Try not to let it get to you as this is much more about you than her.

Pinkheart5915 · 22/08/2016 19:30

No such thing as tempting fate! It's personal choice

My first pregnancy ended in stillbirth at 34 weeks I still brought a pram and cot in my next two pregnancies before 34 weeks was that tempting fate too? Both my next two pregnancies gave me 2 beautiful health babies

midcenturymodern · 22/08/2016 19:31

It's up to her. I think the secrecy around m/c is pretty damaging to women, broadly speaking. As is the 'tempting fate' narrative, no matter how many times people say they didn't mean it that way, it contributes to the idea that women are to blame in some way, hence the shame, hence the secrecy, hence the judgement for breaking rank and telling.

Eatthecake · 22/08/2016 19:34

I see it as temping fate Hmm well no it's not tempting fate because there is no such thing as temping fate.

You might not of announced a pregancny so early, but it's her body and her baby so if she wishes to tell the whole world that is her choice.

In pregnancy you have no safe point things can go wrong anytime, I had a stillbirth at 30 weeks

Sparklesilverglitter · 22/08/2016 19:39

Tempting fate- is a load of rubbish no such thing.

I announced my pregnancy at around 8 weeks because I know in pregnancy things can go wrong and I'd rather of had support of friends & family is anything had gone wrong than keep it as some kind of secret.

I also brought baby bits very early on around 12 weeks

It's personal choice

Mybugslife · 22/08/2016 20:45

I've lost 3 babies. One was an ectopic, my family and close friends knew I was pg and supported me. The next was my son born at 21 weeks, everyone knew I was pregnant, literally everyone! And I was overwhelmed by the kindness of people who were merely people I knew, I wouldn't class as friends and as for actual friends and family I've never felt so loved and cared for.
My 3rd loss was at 12 weeks. Only me and OH knew I was pregnant as I was petrified that It was all going to happen again and I didn't want to put my family through more pain, I'd rather suffer myself than worry my family again. It backfired as I was totally alone and struggled to deal with it to the point I could barely function and in turn it worried my family more, until I finally told them why.
I am currently 16 weeks pregnant now and I told everyone fairly early on as I knew from experience that the pain of having to tell people is majorly outweighed by the support I receive.

Everyone is different and if she wants to announce at 5 weeks it's not up to you to judge.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/08/2016 20:53

I think it is very much individual choice as to the extent to which they celebrate a pregnancy and the extent to which they do so publically.

But I do dislike it when people talk with great certainty of the outcome in the early stages of pregnancy. I went to the GP to register the pregnancy taking my 2yo DS with me, who is too young to really understand what is going on in a medical discussion but my GP turned to him and said "you're going to have a brother or sister!" which struck me as startling inappropriate.

Bee182814 · 22/08/2016 20:55

Yanbu. I announced my first pregnancy after 12 week scan only, my second pregnancy before scan (maybe 10 weeks) but nothing on fb about either of them until 20 weeks.

I've got a friend who claims to be having a high risk pregnancy (its not) who announced at 6/7 weeks to work, Facebook, booked her own baby shower, started buying things etc and spends every waking second telling everyone how worried she is because of her (not) high risk pregnancy. I just think, why tell everyone then!?