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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

AIBU to think she's announced it already?!

55 replies

UnicornPee · 22/08/2016 18:14

An old work friend has announced on Gacebook her second pregnancy. She is 5 weeks and due the end of April.
She has them gone on to say how she's already ordered her pram today and a cot/ changing unit/ etc etc.

As I suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks (and never told anyone I was preg) I think this is so stupid.
If she is unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage (as I have found it how common they are) she is going to suffer badly having to announce it to the world and return all her new possessions.

I see it as tempting fate?

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Trifleorbust · 22/08/2016 21:02

There is no such thing as the 'all clear'. I am pregnant now and I know I will stress about my child's health for the rest of my life. It really is up to her when she announces her own pregnancy, OP.

thisismyfirsttime · 22/08/2016 21:20

Why will she suffer badly if she has to announce it to the world? Some people will want to grieve alone but others may want to share their grief. I know someone who put a status on FB about her mc, she hadn't announced the pregnancy on there to my knowledge but she was inundated with comments of sympathy and from people who said 'me too'. And why not? It shouldn't be a secret if the woman doesn't want it to be. Maybe she just hasn't considered mc to be a possibility but on the other hand she may well be happy to announce now, come what may.
Her choice, and not one we should judge her for.

Nikki2ol6 · 22/08/2016 21:21

I have 4 children and never had a miscarriage. I'm 21 weeks with my 5th baby which we have told everyone at 12 weeks. At 20 weeks we learned our baby has some awful heart abnoramiltys. Who knows what the near future holds for him and I know this is so rare but a baby can be lost at anytime in a pregnancy, Iv never announced mine on Facebook before my 12 week scan even though I have told family as soon as I knew

thisismyfirsttime · 22/08/2016 21:23

Bee why shouldn't she? Maybe she's ok with people knowing if the worst happens and is looking for support?

ThoraGruntwhistle · 22/08/2016 21:28

I thought something similar the first time I saw that godawful pregnancy test advert with the badly dubbed woman telling her friend she's two weeks pregnant. I don't think I'd be telling anyone that early, but each to their own I suppose.

Bee182814 · 22/08/2016 21:34

Thisismyfirsttime - or a massive attention seeker. It's someone I know very very well. She doesn't want 'support' she wants attention. I must say in my personal experience those who announce early tend to be the ones who do really over expose pregnancy and child on social media etc, hence it gets peoples backs up. I dont need to see a pic of your non existent 11 week 'bump' thanks......I get that it's personal choice etc. Just as much as its my personal choice to delete them and think they're a twat.

LouisTherouxsGlasses · 22/08/2016 21:34

5 weeks seems way too early but sure.

TBH I'd imagine the whole tempting fate thing is just about not buying stuff in case it isn't needed, and just ends up sitting in the spare room as a reminder, making you feel like crap.

LouisTherouxsGlasses · 22/08/2016 21:35

Me too Grunt !

becciandbump · 22/08/2016 21:38

bee well you'd unfriend me on facebook then. I love sharing pics of my bump im incredibly proud of it and won't have it for much longer. What each woman choses to do in pregnancy is their choice most real friends wouldn't be pissed off about it they'd be happy for you

Tumtitum · 22/08/2016 21:44

I didn't announce my pregnancy on Facebook ever but told friends and family immediately and work as soon as work kicked in and I needed support. If the worst had happened I would have wanted the support. However my brother's wife had a miscarriage and they were super conservative about telling anyone ( even family) until quite late in the pregnancy. Everyone deals with things differently!

BennyTheBall · 22/08/2016 21:47

I'd think it a bit daft and attention seeking tbh.

But then, we told no-one until I was 21 weeks, so I am the other extreme.

Bee182814 · 22/08/2016 21:48

Yes becci I probably would. I dont get it.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 22/08/2016 21:50

I waited until I felt confident to tell people and it just never came, I was still worrying at 24 weeks telling people. In my more lucid moment I thought if I did tell people and the worst happened it wouldn't be anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Maybe she thinks the same.
Some people do announce early and usually all is fine.

Tbh OP I think this is more about your experience which is awful. I have had many friends experience similarly and react similarly to early announcements. There is of course a level of jealousy and bitterness. It's perfectly normal I imagine

thisismyfirsttime · 22/08/2016 22:00

Bee of course you know her and whether she's just attention seeking but even so if she were to have any problems or an unfortunate loss and she was open about it I don't think it'd be wrong or bad for everyone to know. I do understand your point though.

orangebird69 · 22/08/2016 22:01

Yanbu OP. We told our parents when we found out I was pregnant but no on else until 14 weeks when we got the results of the blood/dna tests for T13/18/21. Then we told immediately family. Only told others after the 20 week scan and even then we didn't 'announce' it anywhere. When people saw us it was fairly obvious I was preggo. If there had been anything wrong with the baby or I'd miscarried, I'm fairly insular when it comes to stuff like that. If something had gone wrong, the less people who knew the better (for me).

Bloopbleep · 22/08/2016 22:06

When I had my mc I felt the loneliest person in the real world for a very long time. Online I could find many in a similar situation but I wanted someone to give me a hug and say I've been there too but I hadn't told anyone by then. I think if she's excited why not tell the world. It might not go wrong. We don't know what other women have been through to get their bfp and with my current experiences of infertility I wouldn't grudge anyone their right to tell the world and be excited.

foursillybeans · 22/08/2016 22:13

YABU, she is not. It's up to her. I couldn't hide two out of three of my pregnancies due to morning sickness. Had to tell people at 7 weeks due to severe vomiting.
Tbh you might be worried for her but it's not your business.

I am really sorry for your own loss.

NeedAnotherGlass · 22/08/2016 22:20

No it isn't tempting fate - there is no such thing.

If something does happen then she will have the support of her friends.
Some people prefer to be far more open about miscarriage. There is nothing wrong with that.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 22/08/2016 22:41

We announced my first pregnancy to parents after a private scan about 9 weeks, to much excitement. Then we had high risk of various potential issues flagged at the 12 week scan and had to wait for the results of further testing and scans at 20 weeks. I felt that I was carrying the burden of worry of our family as well as my own, that I had to put a brave face on it and say everything would be fine whilst inside I was desperately fearful.

This time round I am going to do everything I can to keep it to me and DH until after the 12 week scan results.

Lalunya85 · 22/08/2016 22:44

My family is from another cultural background and it's absolutely normal to announce your pregnancy as soon as you find out. The idea of keeping it a secret is a very odd one (and my parents really struggled with it when I was pregnant with my first).

The thing that I find weird about your friend's announcement is that this is her second child and she is ordering a pram? And changing table? What happened to her first pram and changing table?

littleducks · 22/08/2016 22:51

I kept my pregnancies quiet for long periods because I preferred to.

But I disagree with your "until you get the all clear" comment. There never really is an all clear moment. Although miscarriages are more common early in pregnancy bad news can happen at any time up to and including delivery. Then you have an a lifetime of my possibilities for a child which sometimes include problems and disaster. You never get an all clear as a parent crossing as that sounds.

Bee182814 · 23/08/2016 08:57

I think it puts a lot of pressure on people to know how to react sensitively should the worst happen. Of course, any decent human being should be capable of doing so but for example during my first pregnancy I worked with a lot of young blokes who I think potentially could have felt quite awkward about it and said the wrong thing to me had anything happened. Then that would have been very upsetting and caused further tension at work at an already stressful time. I think from my perspective its more about protecting your own feelings. I know things can sadly still happen much further on down the line but the risk of these things is much lower after the 12 week mark. Hope that makes sense.

Only1scoop · 23/08/2016 09:05

I've had a couple of MMC's Op

Personally There is no way I'd announce to the world at 5 weeks either, each to their own I guess.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 23/08/2016 12:04

Actually, thinking about it further, a big reason I intend to hold off telling people until beyond the 12 week scan is in the risk that you might discover something (eg a chromosomal abnormality) that would lead you to choose to terminate the pregnancy.

My last pregnancy flagged a high risk of a rare abnormality - fortunately genetic testing gave me the all clear but in the wait for the results I did have to consider what we would do in the event the news was less positive.

This is such a personal decision, yet one which people hold understandably strong views about. If I were faced with having to make such a decision I would want it to be between me and DH and any friends or family members I wanted to bring into our confidence. It is not something I would want to play out in public.

Each to their own, and of course some people would never terminate for any reason and therefore this would not be a consideration.

But ultimately it as that, not the risk of miscarriage, which is why I'm currently sat in the toilet at work trying to conceal how sick I feel.

LondonGirl83 · 23/08/2016 12:28

I've had a miscarriage before and I still told my closest friends the day I found out about my current pregnancy.

I don't ever use Facebook but in general I think there is far too much secrecy and shame around miscarriage. It wasn't until I had my own mc that I learned how many people I know had also had one (my bosses wife had 2). For some people, it gives you so much comfort and support when people reach out, especially the very many people who have been through it themselves.

I get that for some people they'd rather not have anyone know but for a lot of people suffering alone is much worse. You are being very unreasonable judging her openness.

Also, the term 'tempting fate' when it comes to miscarriage is offensive. There is nothing you can do (regards announcing) that can bring about a miscarriage. The idea that it makes one bit of difference is ludicrous.

Bee you sound really bitter. I'm quite private and hence don't use facebook but I don't understand how someone else's excitement about such a life changing event can make you so cross.

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