Adult children saving at home

[TryNSaveee]

Any adult children here struggling to save whilst living at home? I have my own outgoings like most of us, I pay £500 rent to live at home and my mom has asked that I start doing my own food shopping now. I'm very fearful that I'll never get up out of my childhood bedroom and into my own place. Savings are taking a while as I owe my mom £2000 that she lent me for car repairs. I'm looking for higher paying jobs as I'm on a pretty rubbish salary at the moment, I just had to take what I could get job-wise

So 3 jobs then.

Don’t do this op.

Having a lodger is not a given, but it is a potential way to bring in income if her mum is struggling (often suggested on Mumsnet). As long as the op is staying there that potential income is not available to her Mum.
But if the op can rent a room in a house that she would be happy living in for less than her Mum is charging her then there is no issue. She should move out and start saving to reach her goals.

Just caught up on this thread and saw your mum took money off of you when you were a student. Half your maintenance loan and half of your part time job. That is so wrong. You are still in education at this point.

your mum needs to seek help on budgeting and managing her money if she isn’t coping financially.

While I think you have paid too much (I think the part about taking the maintenance loan from you or money when studying was wrong), I think you should pay rent now. All working adults should pay something and it would cost you more to live in a shared house.

Can you cut down your outgoings OP?

I don’t think you’ll get any answers from your mum on a breakdown of bills and it is good not to rely on seeing any of the money again. Way forward is to focus on maximizing your income and reducing your costs. I wouldn’t be in a rush to pay back your mum for the car repairs and ask to pay less each month over a longer period. Do you need a car for work OP?

It sounds like your mum is using you to subsidise her life tbh. I totally appreciate that not everyone can afford to have adult kids at home without contributing, but if you will have to buy your own food from now on as well that seems a lot to pay. We have two at home, both working F/T. We only started getting DS to give us $100 a week (£50) this year as a token contribution more as a way of getting him used to the idea of bills than anything, DD is a few years younger and is very much entry level in what will be a good career so she doesn’t pay. They both shop and cook for dinner once a week, although in reality I usually just buy the food for whatever DD is going to cook when I am shopping myself. Our goal is to allow them to save as much money as they can as we live in an incredibly expensive city. I think you need to have a conversation with your mum about expectations going forward.

Our sil was so poor after she got divorced, running the household on one wage became quite a burden, she couldn't even afford a haircut. She asked her adult sons, both working, for a household contribution, they were living at home, one of them driving two cars (one fancy car for the weekend), flying long haul business class on holiday etc while she could barely afford to live. Her son said why should I have to pay to live at home, I'm your son, you're supposed to look after me?

And I think of people in the past who left home searching for work - who sent money back to their parents knowing that things were difficult at home, dh did this when he moved to London for many years, my Dad did this, my uncle did this when he moved to USA (all British).

And I think of my nephew, the little shit, who will lives at home and continues to take off his mum, has lived at home into his 30s - sees her in poverty as she pays all the bills, she cooks his dinner, does his laundry and keeps a roof over his head and he doesn't see what she is going through - he doesn't care...he only thinks about himself. There are 3 wages in that family but she's the only one living in poverty.

I have no idea how much money the OPs mother has but imo support should go both ways. I don't need my kids to support me - but I don't judge others who do.

A genuine question for all those posters who think that the op shouldn't have to pay, or only pay a token amount. At what age should an adult pay their own way?
The op is university educated, employed , in her late 20's has always lived at home and yet hasn't saved enough for a deposit. She borrows money from her mother that she has yet to pay back. Her mother, by the sounds of it, is struggling financially. Taking all of that into account you still think that the op being asked to pay less than the market rate for a house-share is being treated badly.
The op is capable of supporting themselves and living independently they just choose not to. All of you that think that this is correct is that really what you want for your children? I am really interested to find out at what point you think an adult should be responsible for themselves.

@Roseshavethornshas nailed it here for me. Considering that the OP is a fully fledged adult makes this an entirely different question.

If we reframe it as “how much of the household costs should I contribute to each month” she’s on a winner here.

looking at my household bills and starting with the obvious;

£360 a month council tax
£200 a month energy
£50 water

50% of that alone ia £300 a month.

when I take into account my bills,
mortgage and food I don’t spend more than £600 a month on other things including transport and put more into savings so the OP needs a wake up call I’m afraid.

This is a “fail to launch” exercise from your mum I think OP and I’m sort of on her side. I get that property is expensive but I was made homeless by my parent aged 20, went into a rented flat and bought my first property at 28.

The expectation from young adults now that they will only move once they have their foot on the property ladder is unrealistic for
some and by default creates the situation you’re in unfortunately