Adult children saving at home

[TryNSaveee]

Any adult children here struggling to save whilst living at home? I have my own outgoings like most of us, I pay £500 rent to live at home and my mom has asked that I start doing my own food shopping now. I'm very fearful that I'll never get up out of my childhood bedroom and into my own place. Savings are taking a while as I owe my mom £2000 that she lent me for car repairs. I'm looking for higher paying jobs as I'm on a pretty rubbish salary at the moment, I just had to take what I could get job-wise

I don't charge any of mine rent also supply all food and toiletries as we eat together and toiletries just shared in the bathroom. They are saving for deposits to move out. 3 mid 20s

I didn’t charge mine, two moved out to live with partners and bought houses with them, one has bought on their own but didn’t live with me, good job.

How does it help the OP to say I wouldn't do that? It doesn't matter what you do with your kids, some advice to help the OP would be more useful. Unless of course the OP just wants to have everyone bitch about her mother to feel better - does that feel better OP?

Oh I completely missed this one when I was posting…you are a fully grown adult not an adult child, you aren’t saving to move out, you are an actual lodger so you should pay as one.

This is quite unhelpful isn’t it? Your post I mean. It basically does the exact thing that your post is complaining about

I don't understand what you mean - pointing out that everyone is bitching about the OP's mother is unhelpful - to who?

You're lucky you didn't need the extra income to survive.

Judge not. I'm sure there are other areas you failed in.

I was in this position. Yes, hard when they moved out but it was a matter of just having to cope. Downsizing as the parent might be necessary to a 1 bed small flat rather than a house.

Not everyone can afford to support their adult children. I'd say probably the majority of people can't. Mumsnet isn't an accurate reflection of real life. It's very middle class heavy.

And if you'd been renting a 1 bed flat privately (in my quite cheap NE area), you'd have paid over £80,000 on rent. PLUS council tax, water, gas & electricity, which would probably be another £30,000 MIMIMUM on top.

So instead of paying out over £110,000 you've paid £50,000. Less than half.

You'll wise up fast once you're covering it all yourself.

Unless you are willing to move to a cheaper area .. my sister moved to Blackpool at 21 to buy her own house, then forget buying for now.

if you can’t save with the current setup you shouldn’t buy. If you buy you will have to pay for everything, boiler, roof, fences ..mortgage interest and no housing benefit available if you lose your job

look at renting for a couple of years, enjoy having your place to yourself and being responsible for yourself.

One of my friends in Uni was in this situation. Her mum couldn't afford to feed her over the summer - it was a real eye opener for me.
Dh's boyfriend had to pay his mum for food when he visited home because his mum could just about make ends meet. Money spent on food for the working child returning for a week meant less money spent on his 8 year old sister. There's a world outside your own bubble.

You opposed the comments being made as not being helpful. But a comment complaining about other people’s comments is also unhelpful.

If you are policing threads you probably should make sure that you aren’t the thing you are complaining about.

People are posting what they do with their children and what they think is acceptable so that the OP can have perspective. How would the OP know whether she was being overcharged without the comments about whether her mum is overcharging. It’s a discourse, it might not be the exact response that OP originally came for, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t the conversation that needs to happen.

For example there have been many a women here that has come to ask a seemingly innocuous question only to come to realise through the evolution of the conversation that they are in an abusive relationship or being cheated on, and they can make the right choices to suit their circumstances. If you want a prescriptive conversation with no real opinion you would just ask AI

As long as you feel good about what you do that's all that matters.

Definitely. I remember feeding 2 of us, for 2 weeks, on £20, and whatever was left in the cupboards and freezer. Manky freezer burn peas, 20p loaves of cardboard economy bread, basic baked beans, home made lentil soup (which was very nice actually!), as well as local, free veg from the allotments.

There's a big difference between taking money to cover costs and making a profit from your child.

Just noticed a big typo - it was DS's boyfriend not dh's!😂

If your mum is struggling to cover her bills then of course you should be covering the cost of living there. You are an adult in your late 20's. You should be supporting yourself. Not only are her bills higher because you are there but she also can't bring in extra income by letting out the room you currently occupy.
The £500 you pay currently covers the loss of potential rent (lodger), increase in Council Tax, food, cleaning products and utilities. I don't think it's that high. You certainly won't be able to rent a room in a house-share including all bills for anywhere near that.
Even if you are paying your mum back the £2000 you owe her at £200 a month plus buying your own food plus £500 rent you should easily be able to save over £500 a month. It just means you have to stop buying extras.
In an ideal world we would all be able to fully subsidise our degree educated, employed, adult children into their late 20's. So that they can enjoy life whilst saving for a deposit. Unfortunately that's not reality for many.

I charge my dd €150 a month rent. She’s an intern in her 4th year of a nursing degree course so they are paid at 4/5ths of the rate of a qualified nurse in their first year working. She also pays for any takeaways or junk food she buys and her own toiletries. She is actually a great saver so I don’t mind!

This mum must be either very hard up or a bit grabby. I have never charged my DD for anything and after a year at home and some help they were able to buy a flat. This makes me happy, I feel my work is done.

I missed the part about OP being in their late 20s. By then I’d expect to just treat it as a house share and you’d cover your half of the bills - bills that need to be out in the open, not just a vague mention.

If you don’t want to move out, sit down with your mother and address this as adults. It could be that you’re just very unlucky and have a grabby mother, but it also sounds like you need to step up.