Adult children saving at home

[TryNSaveee]

Any adult children here struggling to save whilst living at home? I have my own outgoings like most of us, I pay £500 rent to live at home and my mom has asked that I start doing my own food shopping now. I'm very fearful that I'll never get up out of my childhood bedroom and into my own place. Savings are taking a while as I owe my mom £2000 that she lent me for car repairs. I'm looking for higher paying jobs as I'm on a pretty rubbish salary at the moment, I just had to take what I could get job-wise

I was paying £40 a week in 1993, as were a lot of my friends. I thought it was perfectly reasonable- it was probably 25-30 % of my salary. I would never expect to work full time and live at home for nothing.

That's wonderful if you can afford not to, but the reality for many people is that paying for another adult to eat and use electricity, gas and water, is bloody expensive.

But moving out and living independently would cost way more, so it's actually teaching them some financial responsibility whilst also helping mum out too, I guess?

In my area a (nasty area HMO) is going to be £650pcm before any extra bills and that means shared bathroom and kitchen facilities too.
A one-bed or studio flat is going to be around £800+ but then with additional bills too.

Tbh, I've definitely outgrown my place here at home. I understand how expensive it is to run a house solo but I'm at the point where I'm bot really arsed about the cost anymore, I just need my own space, it's just growing the savings is getting more difficult

Then it’s just about getting a bigger income. Second job, retrain, promotion, sideways move for better pay.
Theres not a way to live independently and save money in your area / current job.

Live in jobs; ships crew, housekeepers, Nannie’s, armed forces offer chances to save.Could you do one of those for a couple of years?

I agree.
I don’t charge DS rent as I have to pay the same amount regardless. DS pays the difference in bills from last year ( including the single person discount I used to pay). He buys all his own food as vegan and gluten free. Runs his own car.

He’s saved £4k in his minimum wage job since April. Will be leaving for a new better paying job next month. It’s in an expensive city so he won’t be financially better off short term. Longer term the job has got prospects and overtime, he might find a partner to share or buy with etc.
Goodluck Op, you are better off out of it.

The weirdest thing about it is when I’ve asked what bills my mom uses my money towards she gets a bit defensive and says she just “puts it aside” however, I know for a fact that I will not be seeing any of that money returned to me. It’s a bit frustrating that she’s not actually using it on the bills whilst telling me at the same time that she basically needs more from me. I’ve been paying rent to her for 9 years now. But yes, I’m actively looking for a new job so I can get the hell out of here

That is a ridiculous amount of rent you are paying for a bedroom.

how will your mum survive if she “needs” to charge you that amount of money a month?

we take a token gesture of £100 from our adult children a month. Eldest managed to save 30k for a deposit within 3 years and bought their first home this summer. Youngest will hopefully do the same.

id much rather mine were saving for their future rather than lining my pockets with their wages.

Sounds like your mum’s lining off your income. Awful

I've just worked out that I've paid her nearly £50k in rent over the years :(

I’m not impressed with your mum for taking that much off you, but if you have been earning for 9 years and only paying £500pm to her why haven’t you built up enough savings to move out?

Honestly I feel cursed. For 4 years I was at uni and didn't have much money despite working. Mom would have half of my maintenance loan and half of what I made at work, I worked 21 hours a week at the time. After uni I got a full time job but was made redundant after 9 months. I had some savings but they got depleted as it took me absolutely ages to get a new job and I did everything I could, applied for over 250 jobs, was going to an employment centre weekly for support, went to all my job centre meetings etc. So I've been at my current job for 1.5 years, I had some savings but then I needed to pay for dental work, car repairs etc and essentially got pushed back to square one. I also owe my mom money as she lent me money for the repairs too. Fingers crossed now that nothing goes wrong with my car and that it's "smooth" sailing now

Your mother is kinda taking you for a ride, it’s awful but it seems to be what’s going on. DD has decided to move out but I was going to ask her for £200/month once she finished uni and even from those £200 I was hoping to set aside at least half of it to give it back to her.
I know a lot of users are saying they’d never ask their children for money and I never thought i would either, but unfortunately one income for 2 adults was killing me.

Unless you live in an extremely expensive area you’re probably better off moving out. It doesn’t sound like your mother has your best interests at heart, really.

Wow. So she was taking money from you while you were living off a student loan, unemployed, and living off your own savings?

I can only imagine that she cannot afford to live independently so you have been subsidising her.

The irony is though that if you move out you will probably both be worse off.

If your mum is struggling financially, why shouldn't you share costs with her? Why should she pay for everything? It's hard to know whether she is making money or not until you understand how much her rent, utility, council tax, broadband etc is. She might consider downsizing to a cheaper on bed accomodation if you moved out.
Have you talked to her about her costs, can you have an open conversation with her?
Time to adult Assess your financial situation, take responsibility for your decisions, get a better job. It's tough but you have choices.

Wow your mum has taken you for a ride. She’s taken the piss or you have been subsidising her for years.

I feel angry and sad for you.

Taking half your maintenance loan. 50k over the past 9 years?

im so sorry.

I know not everyone’s parents are in a position to let their children live with them rent free/reduced rent but this is taki mg the piss.

you need a better job obviously but I’m pissed on your behalf.

as a parent too I cannot imagine taking all this money from my children.

leave as soon as you can.

you should also demand to know more about what she’s done with this 50k over the years. Ridiculous amount.

Where did she say she shouldn’t be contributing and paying towards anything? Absurd.

50k over 9 years and taking half your daughters maintenance loan (specifically for HERSELF to get through uni) is insane.

and to not know where that money is going?

mum doesn’t have to be self-employed, she chooses to be. She could’ve gained better employment anytime over the last 9 years if she was struggling that much.

Do you know what costs your Mum has? Is she renting? Paying a mortgage? Where do you live? If it London, you probably have a reasonable deal. If somewhere else, maybe not so much. How much would a room in a shared house be? It might be more fun than living at home.

I’d say £500 is ok if that included all food. Youd spend way more than that on a house share. I do think it’s your best option right now. Keep job hunting and save as much as you can. And be very careful who you buy a property with as it’s a massive tie!

Your mum is taking the piss op

This. I never charged my adult DC anything, hence they were able to move out and buy homes.

Unless your mother is on the breadline it seems unreasonable to charge £500 a month. She's making a profit out of having her own child living at home.
At the very most it should be a proportionate share of bills.

But this poster doesn’t have children…so not exactly comparable. And her left over £1000 isn’t fun money is it? It will be money to be saved toward a deposit as well as fun money.

I wouldn't charge either but I dont think its unreasonable to ask for rent from your adult kid's if you are struggling yourself. But there's a fine line between asking for money to help out and asking for an amount to cover costs and make a nice profit as well. I feel the ops mum is in danger of crossing the line quite spectacularly

I’m a big believer that if you don’t need a child to pay rent then they shouldn’t, or it should be a token amount that you save and give back for furniture etc when they move into their own home.

If you ‘need’ to charge rent then it should be only the extra they cost you. If they weren’t there and your bills were £1000 a month, vs £1200 if they are there then charge them £200. Not everyone can afford to house their adult kids, but ultimately you should be able to afford to house yourself so budget for that and charge the difference.

I think the OPs mum is being a bit mean with expecting groceries and £500 a month…I would prefer to see mine be able to save that extra £500 and get his own place faster. But that’s just me.

Get a second job. Save everything. Cut down your expenses. It's the only way out.