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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Can you ever tell your kids that their dad is a tw*t?

66 replies

rickman · 09/06/2005 19:21

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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cod · 09/06/2005 19:22

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Newbarnsleygirl · 09/06/2005 19:24

My mum never said bad things about my dad and I realised myself that he is a t**t.

Original poster

rickman · 09/06/2005 19:24

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WigWamBam · 09/06/2005 19:24

They'll work it out for themselves when they're older. If you call him a twat now they'll only resent you for it and you'll be the villain of the piece.

Pruni · 09/06/2005 19:25

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WigWamBam · 09/06/2005 19:26

I think you should hide as much as you can from them; it's really stressful for a child to hear the two people they love best of all at each other's throats.

kama · 09/06/2005 19:27

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cod · 09/06/2005 19:27

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Original poster

rickman · 09/06/2005 19:30

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marialou · 09/06/2005 19:35

I think you should be honest with them. If he upsets you and they want to know then tell them what is going on. I had no choice but to tell my kids (well only the oldest my daughter who was 6 at the time, the 2 year old wouldn't have understood) exactly what was going on during my break up with her father. I had to tell her that he father was a paedophile and was going to prison as it was in all the local papers and on tv, and was better coming from me.

luckylady · 09/06/2005 19:36

Rickman- could you not come to an agreement between the two of you. my xp also refuses to pay the amount of money set by the csa, so I put forward a figure and he agreed . Only you can cancell the csa claim, but you need to tell them to keep your file open so that if he starts been a twat about that too you can go back to them at anypoint.
Don't know if this will be of any help, but Ihope it will.

My DD is now 8 and starting to coplaing about her dad herself now. she does know a little of what has happened in the past between me and her dad. When she brings up things I aleways try to turn it around saying -wasn't that present nice of daddy, or get her to talk about a fun day out she has had with him. (few and far between though)

charleepeters · 09/06/2005 19:37

i often tell dp his dads a twat if that counts

Pruni · 09/06/2005 19:39

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PotPourri · 09/06/2005 20:14

Keep it from them. They will 'shoot the messanger' otherwise. Just rise above it and realise that in years to come, they will thank you for the innocence you let them keep. If he really is horrid, they will see it soon enough, and turn to you, who isn't. Good luck.

Original poster

rickman · 09/06/2005 20:22

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JoolsToo · 09/06/2005 20:24

tempting though it may be - NO!

all be revealed in the fullness of time.

Pruni · 09/06/2005 20:25

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lilaclotus · 09/06/2005 20:26

my SIL badmouths her dh all the time to her 2.5 year old son and i think it's awful.

Tinker · 09/06/2005 21:10

Sadly, no.

Original poster

rickman · 09/06/2005 23:39

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hatstand · 09/06/2005 23:48

I have lots of sympthy for you but agree with most people here - they'll resent you and ultimately it will make things a lot more complex for them. It sounds like you need a different form of outlet for your anger. Would it make you feel better if, everytime he behaved like a twat, you did somthing particularly nice for the kids. I'm not talking anything major, just the kind of nice things you do at home that he's going to miss out on - make yourself feel smug about the fact that you're the one with them, you're the one they're going to see as "always there", you're the one who can give them a random treat for no other reason than you love them. They will get it, in the end, kids aren't daft.

milge · 09/06/2005 23:51

kids deserve their childhood, they will be adults soon enough and can judge their parents then. My mother kept quiet for years over my a*&^%$ of a dad, and now she is the winner as i have lost all love/respect for him.

Changed4Now · 10/06/2005 00:23

I think kids look to their parents for their identity / where they come from etc iykwim. I guess if your kids thought you though their dad was a complete t~@t and hated him they may think you hate a bit of them too. Even though this so wouldnt be the case kids arent good and understanding complex situations and take things personally as the world does revolve around them in their eyes. hth and make some sense.. or i am just talking crap again.

HappyDaddy · 10/06/2005 08:01

The only time this would be acceptable, to me, would be when they were around 16-18 or so. They are old enough to understand whatever meaning you give it at the time, then. Before that it will seem insulting and I think that's a rotten thing for kids to hear from one parent about another.

Nightynight · 10/06/2005 08:04

happydaddy
they'll probably think it anyway at that age, with no telling...

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