Can you ever tell your kids that their dad is a tw*t?

[rickman]

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rickman,
I go for the sliced bread approach - they're not stupid, they'll draw their own conclusions when they're older!

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rickman,
my dx has got the house, the children and the car, - and Im paying for the lot. how unfair is that?

rickman, how does he get out of paying the csa? they take mine from my employer before i even get paid.

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Rickman, your ex is an arse and a nasty piece of work. I'm not in the least suprised you left him. He sounds absolutely horrible and vindictive...but I still agree with others that you have to leave your kids out of it. They will feel awful if they have to take on your emotions about their father. They are simply too young. As they get older they will realise for themselves.
None of this means you have to take any crap from him. Have you got a good solicitor and legal aid? You should get a really nasty rottweiler who is behind you 100% to get the house at least, plus part of his pension etc etc.

NightyNight, I'm in the same situation as you. That's no reason to slag your ex off to the kids, though.

I live with a man who grew up in a house where his father was constantly sneered at and despised. While he was alive and even more after his death (died when dh was only six ).
I am sure you are not contemplating any such embittered candour Rickman but knowing his father was a loser who let his mother down etc has dogged dh all his life and caused him much stress and unhappiness.
We all wish with all our hearts the children's other grandpa had lived long enough for us to find out for ourselves what he was like.
I think in your circs you can convey that your ex makes life hard for you at times, rickman...God knows you have masses to put up with. But maybe not full-on tw*t categorisation.

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Maybe if my MIL had had Mumsnet to let it all out on she would not have heaped her trauma on to her children.
He is such a tosser, vent away on here. We all think you are star

I didn't realise I'd changed my name to Rickman...

Sorry, I know exactly what you are going through, biting your tongue is hard sometimes but it'll pay off in the end. Or at least that;s what I keep telling myself!

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Sorry, forgot you weren't married. I really feel for you. And yes, vent on here!

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Can the csa not arrest his wages?

rickman, I think you have to let them believe they're the nicest thing since sliced bread. But I may have got that wrong.

I don't keep it a secret from my dd that her father won't give us pennies. I don't think that will damage her and it helps her to understand why she hears us arguing on the phone (which she inevitably does sometimes).

Rickman im afraid i find behaviour like that totally appalling. Your children should be allowed to make their own decisions about their father regardless of your situation and how you feel about your ex.

mumnalone, rickman has been bitig her lip. sher sdlipped up once.

Dont mean to offend just voicing my opionion like everyone else.

It sounds like you are getting it about right, Rickman. The lip-biting must be so hard. The children are entitled to have their own relationship with their dad (however much of a sh*t he was to you & that you know he is generally).

happydaddy - I agree with you, and I let my children think that dx is sliced bread!

rickman - why does it make a difference if Im a man or a woman?
I sometimes think that if I was a man, people would just think its normal for me to have no kids and still have to pay for them.

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Agree with cod but haven't read rest of thread. BLOODY annoying rickman but I do think you have to grin and bear it - it's between you and him, not them and him. Hard though, however my mum kept her mouth shut all those years I do not know. Want me to ask her?

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