Things you never knew about newborns until you had one

[SmallScrewCap]

I enjoyed this thread about pregnancy so much, and I'm missing the craic now that I've actually popped with number 2. I reckon there's enough mileage in newborn mysteries to generate another one. I'm also surprised that, even though I've done it before, I'd forgotten so many of the oddities of those first few weeks.

So...

I didn't realise that colostrum sick would be mustard yellow.

I didn't realise that, for AT LEAST a month post-natally, my clothing would always be moist in at least 3 different places at a time (either of my own or of the baby's doing).

That the first night I was able to go to bed without large pants and a massive pad under my pyjamas, I would be so relieved and overjoyed that I would report the fact to DH with almost as much joy as when the test was positive 10 (11?) months previously.

That the cute little baby puckering-up face, which looks like an invitation to move in close for a kiss, actually heralds a belching projectile vomit

That all my figure-flattering, dark-coloured maternity/post-natal wear would be streaked in baby smears of white, cream and yellow, forcing an eBay visit to buy a host of beige elasticated garments.

[spotofcheerfulness]

I was under the comical misapprehension that babies would sleep when they were tired. Oh, and that I would be able to "sleep when the baby sleeps" during the day. Neither of which happen and DS is almost 10 months!

[FaintlyMacabre]

They gather fluff in their little curled fists.

[QuintessentialShadowOfDoom]

that it is possible to be overcome with so much love that it hurts

[Jacksmamwahahaha]

Oh yes, I call it the Heart Cramp - when that overwhelming love hits you and your entire being aches with it.

[BloodRedTulips]

that they will latch onto anything that ventures too close to their mouths... hands, noses, fingers, blankets, shoulders, the cat's tail.

that the look of utter shock when you blow on the face of and angrily screaming baby is one of the funniest things you'll ever see.

that despite being awake all night, for hours on end when you want a shower, all round the supermarket, in the doctors waiting room, etc it can be up to a month before any of your friends or relation see them awake and they will all rabbit on about what a quiet sleepy baby you have

that they like peeing in a clean nappy, every time you change them so you end up going through two nappies a change every time

that it is possible for a 4 day old to roll (and he was my second so i was all relaxed and sure of myself and then the little bugger almost rolled off the bed!)

that newborns don't play with toys but need far more baby-grows and sleep suits than you ever anticipated so the money you spent during pregnancy could have been better spent

the smell.... they smell better than anything else on the planet when they're freshly born.... i'm still gutted i missed out on that with ds2 as he was in scbu, i was so looking forward to it but he'd lost it by the time i was allowed to cuddle him properly

[pigleychez]

That they make so much noise during the night! Snuffling away like some kind of wild bore...
DD's nickname was Snufflepig for the first few months!

[StealthPolarBear]

oh i thought only our babies did the tortoise neck thing

they look like tiny skinned rabbits

they gulp and schhhhlurp when feeding

[CaptainNonentity]

Oh! the tortoise thing... I thought it was just my dd....

I miss it now she is big, and DS doesn't do it

[arolf]

that they smile in their sleep even from the very beginning - I wasn't expecting that!

that a newborn can projectile poo onto any surface, but so far seems to particularly like white surfaces for his daily dumps.

that they are so very very soft and cuddly.
(would you guess I've just had my first baby last week?)

melts anew

[devilsadvocaat]

when you feed them when they are really hungry and their eyes roll around in a 'this is heaven' kind of way

[teamcullen]

they have the ability to make the most matcho or squimish of dads to dive into a shitty nappy.

That poo comes out like squeesy cheese from a primula cheese tube

They can imitate family member expressions to perfection without ever seeing them.

[devilsadvocaat]

also how suddenly my 2yo seems massive by comparison.

[arolf]

that you can recognise your own baby's screams on the postnatal ward when you go to the loo - that actually quite scared me, that I heard one baby crying and instantly knew it wasn't mine, then a few seconds later, heard another and knew it was mine.

[devilsadvocaat]

that your newborn will never unclench its fist except for when you are trying to dress him. then he will spread his fingers out so that it takes about 10 mins to put on one small cardigan.

[isittooearlyforgin]

have you ever tried to go to one of those pttery painting tots thigymejigs where you have to paint your newborn's palm to print hand print onto pottery to make gifts that all your friends and family are bound to adore forever? Its bloody difficult to do it when your newborn won't/can't open hand plus it never feels like the right moment to smear paint on your newborn/sleeping baby's hand for the gratification of grandparents

[emmarussell]

having my ds pee right into my face every time I took off his nappy and managing to catch my by surprise every time!

The smell of a newborn

Those strange little snuffles and snorts they make when they feed or sleep.

All those waking hours in the night with just me and him cuddling and feeding whilst everyone else slept

It was lovely but now they are older and I get more sleep I wouldn't have the energy to do it again

[NellyNoKnicks]

That you will not be able to eat with both hands for a long time, as they always know when its that time.....

[JustAnotherManicMummy]

That when displeased but not yet wailing they will sometimes do an upside down smile, just like a cartoon character.

A bit like this .

And you will laugh.

[devilsadvocaat]

that their poo smells like butter bum.

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

I would never have believed until having seen DD that such a young baby could have a preference for sleeping on their tummy and refuse to sleep any other way.

That they always know to cry at the exact second you are sitting down to dinner

[AndiMac]

I agree totally with all the comments about noisy sleepers.

I didn't realise quite how effective mother nature would be at making me wake in a flash anytime my baby made a bit of noise. Thankfully I also found out how effective breast feeding was to make me go back to sleep.

That babies have more wrinkles than you think they do and if there's a whiffy smell coming from them that isn't the nappy, it's likely a neck fold or behind the ear or somewhere you didn't notice the last 3 times you tried to clean them.

[SmallScrewCap]

That even if you have another newborn and are feeling more confident about the practicalities of new parenthood, you won't have remembered what that first 12 weeks or so actually feel like.

Whether it's sleep deprivation, hormones or shock, the first 2-3 months seem to have an other-worldliness about them.

Or is that just me?

[NellyNoKnicks]

That all my hopes for being able to have a spotless house and a sleeping baby went completely out of the window, when your newborn doesn't sleep that much and after yet another sleepless night you cant be bothered to even get off the sofa and get dressed, let alone do any housework.

That you will become so emotional at the heelprick bloodtest and want to beat the midwife for upsetting them so much... and again with the vaccinations.

That some babies will always wee in the bath.

[StealthPolarBear]

that they do the proper upset bottom lip wobble

[cheeseycharlie]

ohh good thread

• they smell SO GOOD
• their genitals are huge, swollen out of proportion to their teeny bodies. Hilarious on little boys (I know I am too immature to be a mum)
• girls have a little period and if you squeeze their nipples a little milk comes out
• you really can get by on no sleep at all for quite a long time
• their poo smells surprisingly nice (or is that just me? I mean the breastfed yellow stuff, not the greasy tar meconium)