Things you never knew about newborns until you had one

[SmallScrewCap]

I enjoyed this thread about pregnancy so much, and I'm missing the craic now that I've actually popped with number 2. I reckon there's enough mileage in newborn mysteries to generate another one. I'm also surprised that, even though I've done it before, I'd forgotten so many of the oddities of those first few weeks.

So...

I didn't realise that colostrum sick would be mustard yellow.

I didn't realise that, for AT LEAST a month post-natally, my clothing would always be moist in at least 3 different places at a time (either of my own or of the baby's doing).

That the first night I was able to go to bed without large pants and a massive pad under my pyjamas, I would be so relieved and overjoyed that I would report the fact to DH with almost as much joy as when the test was positive 10 (11?) months previously.

That the cute little baby puckering-up face, which looks like an invitation to move in close for a kiss, actually heralds a belching projectile vomit

That all my figure-flattering, dark-coloured maternity/post-natal wear would be streaked in baby smears of white, cream and yellow, forcing an eBay visit to buy a host of beige elasticated garments.

[IDriveaRedCar]

That their whole bodies sneeze and that they wouldn't automatically stop crying as soon as picked up by their mum.....

[MegBusset]

The way they kick their legs when they are cross/excited -- like frantic pedalling, one leg up/one down.

What a funny colour they are -- all pink and yellow.

[MegBusset]

And that their heads will be all weird-shaped for weeks!

[piprabbit]

That you should forget about the weight of your baby when buying a babygro - what you need to worry about is leg length. The legs of the babygro will either be too short, restricting toe growth, or too long leaving miles of flapping fabric to get tangled everywhere.

That the lovingly purchased baby layette will fit baby for, ooooo, about 2 weeks before you need to move up a size.

That trousers with feet do not work. Something about the baby leg kick means that they can work their way out of said trousers in minutes.

Your dreams of greeting friends and relations at home, dressed in your casual but flattering post-baby outfits and holding pink and smiling infant will be dashed. You will be unwashed, uncombed, without sleep, without make-up and in a vomit and poo-stained remnant from the bottom of your wardrobe (last clean thing you own). Baby will be howling, red in the face and produce a very strong stink. You will have to try and BF in front of said friends and relations - even though you aren't 100% sure what you are doing. Yet, still they will insist on popping in to visit - like you'll be pleased to see them .

[seeker]

That 13 years later, they turn into fabulous, glamorous elegant beings that are taller than you are and have eyelashes an inch long and play the saxophone in a jazz band wearing a skirt slightly smaller than the average belt but who still want to climb onto your lap and go to bed with their teddy bear. And you wish you had spent even more time gazing at them when they were newborns, and that you had realized that when people said "enjoy every moment - because blink and they'll be grown up" they were right!

[BiteOfFun]

That you really don't need to wake them up for a feed- how naive was I?

[YouLukaAmazing]

Message withdrawn

[cece]

Tat they haven't read the same babycare guide book that you have

[LoveBeingAMummy]

That girls can have a 'period'

That they can move between being woken by a wisper to being able to be lifted and spken to and stay asleep.

[pointydoug]

ah, seeker, yes

[paranoiabigdestroyer]

That they smell delicious and that every mum should have a few unwashed babygros to keep to smell when their beautiful babies who have suddenly become 5ft tall come home from school aged 13 3/4 with a term's worth of unwashed rugby / football kit to be laundered for the next day.

[Dawnybabe]

"That the urgent, rapid side-to-side rooting face is one of the funniest things you will ever see a human being do"

"That efforts to get the baby latched on to the breast are often hampered by him twatting himself repeatedly in the gob with his tiny fists of fury"

I have an aching jaw I've been laughing so much. Have you been watching my baby?

[BiteOfFun]

Seeker- I totally relate

[Jacksmamwahahaha]

Oh what a lovely thread. Makes me to remember Jackbaby as a newborn. (Only last spring but forever and also five seconds ago...)

[hellsbelles]

pistachio thanks for reminding me of the crazy stretch (I used to think of a tortoise but dinosour is the same idea I guess)...I miss it!

[scrappydappydoo]

Oh yes - I always thought ET is more apt description

[meep]

that when they fall asleep on your shoulder their slightly sicky breath on your face smells like nectar!

[mwff]

baby girl periods/boobs

[ScummyMummy]

Great thread! I'd forgotten the complete almost despotic power they wield over the whole household too. And that they somehow manage to look like a spotty, flaky, hairy, chinless alien and yet are beautiful. And that they stretch their arms luxuriously and knock their tightly curled little fists when they're about to wake up. That their crying can be so loud and angry at times and that some, in a major design flaw, aren't born knowing how to drop off to sleep when knackered. Yet you forgive them everything and forget you yourself are exhausted beyond belief when they start to gaze wisely at you and then to smile. And my current one still has a blonde fuzz all over her like a little peach.

[SmallScrewCap]

I know that cry, ScummyMummy! It's comical when they fight themselves to sleep:

"AAGH I am so tired, it feels horrible, help me, AAGH this is crap, I am knackered, AAGH make it go away, my eyes are sore, oh this isn't nice, AAGH, do something, make it stop, oh cruel world, which horrible person is doing this to me, AAGH, can anything be done for me, will it ever go awaZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

...and all the way through I'm thinking "You're waking yourself up, you lovely, tiny idiot!"

[mrsjuan]

The way they hurl themselves at your boobs (and anyone elses!)
Their armpits can be really cheesy.

[ScummyMummy]

ssc.

[bratley]

When I creep in to my 2yr old DS's room on a night to look at him, I still see my tiny newborn when he stirs, he does the screwed up face and stretchy neck thing!

Incy wincy spider can be sang/whispered 24 times in a row before a newborn will give in and fall asleep, but it will stop them crying in an instant! (most of the time!)