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Original poster

Maternity and baby clothes lent to a friend and returned in horrible state...

72 replies

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:07

I lent a very good friend lots and lots of baby clothes and maternity clothes as her baby was born 9 months after mine. They were returned and duly packed away in our loft.

I'm expecting my second child and so had a sort through boxes today to find that about a quarter of the clothes were stained, some beyond belief, but others to a point that I would consider unusable! I had lent her some really lovely things and have had to throw lots of them away today - they are stained with poo and possibly milk stains.

We are still in contact but a lot less close as I have moved far away. Just wondered what to do eg say nothing/mention it. I am quite upset as we are a bit broke at the mo and it felt like I was throwing money away really.

Should I mention it or just pretend everything was fine?

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 13/09/2009 20:09

Is it likely to come up in conversation?

truthisinthewine · 13/09/2009 20:10

I don't think you should mention it, presumably you knew her baby would actually be wearing them and eating/pooing in them.

If you really wanted to use them yourself again you shouldn't have leant them or expected them all back in the same condition...babies are messy.

Saying that not sure why she bothered returning the ones that were really stained, seems a bit odd.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2009 20:12

IMO, lending out clothes on a long-term basis with the expectation of getting them back is stupid.

In fact, if someone offered to loan me clothes I was going to use more than once for a special occassion I would say no because it's impossible to ensure they'll be as pristine as they were originally, especially baby clothes.

I'd consider it a lesson learned and move on.

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beanieb · 13/09/2009 20:14

Do you mean they are unwashed?
If she returned them to you in a bag unwashed then I think thats quite odd but if you're meaning that they have stains but otherwise are clean then personally I don't think you should make a point of mentioning it to her.

bigchris · 13/09/2009 20:14

cant you just wash them again , treat with prewash vanish?

warthog · 13/09/2009 20:15

with expat on this one.

lesson learned, move on.

Bleatblurt · 13/09/2009 20:16

I'd be cross about the maternity clothes but not about the baby stuff.

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:18

I'm not at all a precious Mum and absolutely did know that her baby would be wearing them! My daughter gets covered in mud/paint and then I remove it- there are very few pieces of clothing which I haven't been able to keep clean and we are honestly talking about 30 things here.

However, when people have lent me stuff for my little one, I have always been careful to return in the same condition where possible. For example, I lent her a lovely Monsoon dress which my daughter had had for a wedding and expected that she would treat as a special item eg. pop a bib on her daughter when wearing or at least mention to me if it had been stained. I know that I've been a bit naiive and I certainly wouldn't lend 'special items' again.

Plus there's the maternity stuff which I did really expect her to be able to keep clean! But there's also buttons missing and she has customised a pair of my jeans!! I just think it's a bit weird!

But you are right- probably won't come up in conversation.

Just wondered if it had ever happened to anyone else?!

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:22

Some do appear to be unwashed eg. wilkinet baby carrier thing with sick you can scrape off! Which I will wash. Others have been sitting with stains on for 3 years in my loft so I don't think it's worth spending time on stain removal!

I will get over it. Can anyone understand why I'm upset or is it just pregnancy sending me weird? Also wish I had sorted them when I wasn't pregnant as would probably have had a less emotional response when the clothes weren't actually needed.

OP posts:

BuckRogers · 13/09/2009 20:22

Gosh I'd never expect anything back! If there was something very special that I wanted for a subsequent baby I'd keep hold of it. Not many baby clothes can survive to a third unmarked. Especially newborn stuff.

Are you sure you're not more annoyed at yourself for lending them out? You must know it's unreasonable to expect them to come back pristine. Though I must say it seems strange that she returned the really awful ones at all.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2009 20:23

No, it's never happened to me because I don't lend clothes out, especially baby clothes. Babies are messy. Even with bibs. My son wears a bib to eat and because he's teething he'll often turn his mouth to his sleeve and suck the fabric in between mouthfuls of food. It's messy.

beanieb · 13/09/2009 20:23

Actually, from your second post I can see why you'd be annoyed by it as she knew you would be wanting them back. It is weird/rude that she customised the jeans.

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:24

BTW expat- I think stupid is a bit harsh. Naiive I'd go for- was first time Mum just trying to be kind and helpful to another first time Mum. I think that's generally to be encouraged.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/09/2009 20:24

No, sorry, I can't understand why you would lend out clothes at all, especially any baby clothes.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2009 20:25

Well, you can think what you like, mum, I think it's foolish to lend out baby clothes and then be upset when they're stained.

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:26

Thankyou beanieb!

OP posts:

EldonAve · 13/09/2009 20:27

I think you were lucky to get the stuff back

Lots of others have lent stuff only to find it all given away to charity or sold on ebay

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 13/09/2009 20:28

I can understand why you're upset if stuff hasn't even been washed. That's quite rude. And I wouldn't dream of altering clothes that I knew I had to give back.

I wouldn't mention it tbh. Just accept that some people have lower different standards and be careful about future lending.

I wouldn't be upset about stains though - some are impossible to remove and I would expect this if lending baby clothes.

LovelyDear · 13/09/2009 20:30

i was surprised when my sil asked for her baby clothes back - i kind of think that when you pass stuff on, you don't expect it back. unless it's something like a sling that should last a few kids, and then i'd say, if it's in reasonable nick when you've finished with it i'd like it back please.

BuckRogers · 13/09/2009 20:30

You are obviously and understandably feeling worse because you are pg and hormonal.

You're right; it isn't nice to return things with unwashed stains on them. But personally, I would have checked stuff before putting it away for years. But wear, tear and (washed) stains are a fact of life.

QuintessentialShadows · 13/09/2009 20:30

She wouldnt have known the milkstains were there. Milk stains go yellow and become visible over time.

I have never lent babyclothes out, I kept all mine in the attic for baby two. They looked pristine when I put them there, 3 years later when I took them down, they had yellow stains from milk. I gave all my clothes away after my second had finnished using them.

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:31

I think it's kind to lend out baby clothes and want someone else to enjoy them. I'm not just talking about baby clothes or staining, there's also maternity clothes and actual dirt. If I lend someone something- that doesn't mean I'm taking responsibility for cleaning/mending it once they've finished does it? Maybe expectations of people are too high!

OP posts:

LauraIngallsWilder · 13/09/2009 20:34

Why didnt you check them and wash them if necessary before you put them in the loft!

If you had found the stains then, more chance they would have washed out, plus you could have reasonably commented to your friend

No way you can comment months later!

I agree lesson learned move on

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:35

See now that's the kind of info I was looking for from a load of experienced Mums. If she hadn't known the milkstains were there then its not as bizarre and can forget the other stains/weird customising on things. Thankyou!

OP posts:

sunshiney · 13/09/2009 20:35

mumbythepond it sounds like your friend is careless and lazy. no excuse for giving you back stuff like the baby carrier - with sick on it!
she took the piss!
if i was you i'd be fuming, yes.

all these people saying you shouldn't have expected to get your stuff back in reasonable condition - wtf!

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