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Original poster

Maternity and baby clothes lent to a friend and returned in horrible state...

72 replies

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:07

I lent a very good friend lots and lots of baby clothes and maternity clothes as her baby was born 9 months after mine. They were returned and duly packed away in our loft.

I'm expecting my second child and so had a sort through boxes today to find that about a quarter of the clothes were stained, some beyond belief, but others to a point that I would consider unusable! I had lent her some really lovely things and have had to throw lots of them away today - they are stained with poo and possibly milk stains.

We are still in contact but a lot less close as I have moved far away. Just wondered what to do eg say nothing/mention it. I am quite upset as we are a bit broke at the mo and it felt like I was throwing money away really.

Should I mention it or just pretend everything was fine?

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MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/09/2009 20:36

I wouldn't expect to have to check stuff before you put it away. I also wouldn't expect to receive stuff back where you can scrape the dirt off, that's grim.

So, what exactly did she do with the jeans to customise them?

traceybath · 13/09/2009 20:36

I kept all my baby clothes from DS1 for any more babies. Only after DS2 did i give them to my sister for her next child.

That way I didn't expect them back and am happy for them to be passed on further.

Baby clothes do get trashed unfortunately as worn and washed lots. Also classic weaning foods do seem to stain.

I can understand why you were annoyed but I think you just have to put it down to experience. Afraid this is why I never really lend stuff - best to just give it away or keep it. This is especially true of stuff you are attached to like special baby dresses.

kittywise · 13/09/2009 20:37

I had the same once. Luckily I didn't pack them away , I went through them first. Half of them had baby sick all over them. bloody disgusting.

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Guadalupe · 13/09/2009 20:37

It's nice to pass baby stuff on but I wouldn't expect it back, and if I did I would expect to have to sift through it.

It must be disappointing to have to throw away stuff you assumed to be okay but I would let it go really. It's been ages now.

EyeballsintheSky · 13/09/2009 20:38

It's odd not to wash them, if she hasn't but you were naive to think that baby clothes will come back in pristine condition. Which is why, when I was given clothes for dd, I made absolutely sure that the donors did not want them back. If they had done I would probably have refused to take them as it's a big ask of a new baby and a new mother.

QuintessentialShadows · 13/09/2009 20:39

I should add, milk stains become espcially visible if the clothes have been ironed before putting away, as the heat speeds up the process.

moomaa · 13/09/2009 20:39

She should have washed them as well as she could so she does sound out of order. The customised jeans thing is bizarre. Are you sure she knew you wanted them back? I am quite precious about things so like expat, do not lend (I do give quite a few things away though).

When I got my baby clothes down for DC2 I was shocked at the state of some of them, I think when you see them day in, day out on your little one you don't realise how bad they've got and you pack them away only to throw them when you get them out. Also some stains do get worse with time. I agree that not many clothes would be ok for baby number 3. I would wash what you can with Vanish and then dry it in sunshine to bleach the stains out.

p.s. do feel sorry for you though as you were just trying to be nice!

traceybath · 13/09/2009 20:42

Oh and I agree with Moomaa.

I ended up throwing lots of DS1's stuff away as when going through it for DS2 realised it was very scruffy/bobbly/stained. I just hadn't really noticed at the time.

GirlsAreLOud · 13/09/2009 20:43

Are you sure it's milk? I don't remember milk staining, that's all.

I can understand why you're upset and I think your friend was rude - she obviously wasn't expecting to have them forever as she gave them back! So she should have looked after them better.

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:45

Thanks Subshiney! The customising was removing diamantes off the back pockets which has left little glue marks which is fine (never really like the diamantes anyway as do not feel the need for an eyecatching sparkly pregnant bum) but then replacing with a massive anchor iron on transfer which says 'Save Me'. Tried to peel it off but it leaves lots of glue behind so will just wear with long tops.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbythepond · 13/09/2009 20:47

Sorry meant Sunshiney!

OP posts:

EldonAve · 13/09/2009 20:53

at the transfer

misdee · 13/09/2009 20:56

oh yes mooma. i often pack things away for the next child down, get them out and think 'why on earth did i keep some of this stuff, its awful'

went through 4 black bags of clothes yesterday, and sent 1.5bags off to rags at the BHF shop.

Heated · 13/09/2009 20:58

I feel your pain! I have made this error myself. In the past I've given SIL dd's clothes and they come back in excellent condition. Any items stained or spoilt she's got rid of, at my suggestion, as they're meant to be worn. Did the same with another friend with some maternity clothes & nearly all my ds' clothes (having always returned anything she's lent me) and I now realise from something she's said, that she has either sold them or given them to her sister. Bugger.

Could be expensive if the planned-for no. 3 is a boy. But I did win a prize on here for some brand-new maternity clothes so not quite as ouch as it could be!

countrybump · 13/09/2009 21:01

I can see why you would be a bit pissed off at this, but i think you should just see it as a lesson learned about who to lend stuff to!

And I was lent lots of things from friends, including clothes, and I returned all of it when I had finished with it (in a good condition I hasten to add!). And I have also lent out things and had them returned to me. I'm now expecting my second and some of the items I'll be using have been used for three or four babies now, but are still in a good condition. I guess it all depends on how well people look after things, although I think we all accept that babies do poo and stain things, and that not everything can be kept in a pristine condition.

HelenaBonhamCarter · 13/09/2009 21:05

I feel sorry for OP

I was lent a bag of maternity frocks by one of my best friends, and apart fromt he fact we have quite different tastes, I didn't dare wear them for fear of causing some minor marks or damage...I gave them abck in the condition they arrived in! Hoping no moths got into the bag, actually...

I hate borrowing things. I also hate lending them, if I am honest - I'd rather give something I know I can afford to write off, than potentially lose a friendship over the stuff. That's from hindsight though.

OP you did a lovely thing, now go and find some nice bargains for your new baby, it's fun seeking out specially nice sale things when money is a bit pushed. It feels like a present meant for you sometimes, when soemthing good turns up

CarGirl · 13/09/2009 21:08

I have skim read this.

Used clothing stored away for 9 months often have stains appear on them. A rewash will improve the state of them enormously.

I have seen this a few times, formula milk for some reason in particular does this. Something to do with optical brightners in washing powder and not seeing daylight perhaps?

cat64 · 13/09/2009 21:10

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southeastastra · 13/09/2009 21:12

i wouldn't lend out maternity clothes unless they were laced with gold

Rosesinautumn · 13/09/2009 21:12

Could the diamantes have just fallen off and she was trying to repair them/cover glue marks with the anchor?

I do wonder at how she's managed to get so many items in such a state though, I'm expecting my third in a few months and have been going through baby stuff that I used for my first 2 and most of it is at worst a little washed out but not a vast amount of staining. I've always found that most things come out if washed promptly with a bit of stain remover.

So, whilst I agree that it may be foolish to expect things in pristine quality, it doesn't seem like she's taken a great deal of care with your stuff. Perhaps she thought you might never ask for it back and honestly I don't think I would ever lend anything to anyone that I wasn't totally prepared to never see again. Maybe just chalk this one down to experience.

1dilemma · 13/09/2009 21:20

I agree with some of the others, if someone ofered to 'lend' me something like baby clothes I probably wouldn't take them if they wanted them back.

A friend did lend me some stuff for first child and I found out before I took it that she didn't want it returned

I have trouble with banana stains anyone know the magic solution for those? (I have tried lots of washing sun drying etc etc

Podrick · 13/09/2009 21:34

I think it is sensible to give baby clothing away but not to lend it out and expect it back, and I wouldn't want anything offered to me on a loan basis - how do you keep track of what was lent anyhow? I

octopusinabox · 13/09/2009 22:27

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MermaidSpam · 13/09/2009 23:27

I do feel for you, although wouldn't expect baby clothes back once given away.
I was a bit miffed when "lent" moses basket, swing, etc and they were given to someone else after my friend had used them.

pregnantpeppa · 13/09/2009 23:46

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