Maternity and baby clothes lent to a friend and returned in horrible state...

[mumbythepond]

I lent a very good friend lots and lots of baby clothes and maternity clothes as her baby was born 9 months after mine. They were returned and duly packed away in our loft.

I'm expecting my second child and so had a sort through boxes today to find that about a quarter of the clothes were stained, some beyond belief, but others to a point that I would consider unusable! I had lent her some really lovely things and have had to throw lots of them away today - they are stained with poo and possibly milk stains.

We are still in contact but a lot less close as I have moved far away. Just wondered what to do eg say nothing/mention it. I am quite upset as we are a bit broke at the mo and it felt like I was throwing money away really.

Should I mention it or just pretend everything was fine?

[120cms]

the pink vanish spray is great for getting rid of a load of stains and even worked on some of the old ones from DD. may be worth giving it a go...

[Knickers0nMahead]

dont lend things out, espec baby clothes. If you had an idea you would need them again then you shouldnt of bothered. And 3 years is way too long to mention anything now.

[MummyElk]

agree with all really, have learnt this lesson the hard way myself.
I wouldn't say anything - it's not worth it - and I'd use it as a further excuse to quietly drop contact, if that's what you are looking for. if you aren't, then just be the better person and move on. Saying something will cause a rift between you with no good consequences.
I would say it's extraordinary to customise your clothes, plus to return stuff unwashed and not in great condition - particularly without saying anything....we all have the odd mishap, and clothes get ruined, and i'm sure you would have understood that...but she's slattern clearly someone who doesn't give others due respect.
Move on. You're better than her.
Might be worth seeing what's going for free on netmums and here on MN in your area clothes-wise. And don't forget people are v generous with the birth of any baby - so you're bound to get some nice pressies
good luck with it all!

[Doodleydoo]

I think if you "lent" and told it was lending then you can expect it back in a relative condition. Got v cross with a friend who lent stuff to and she lent it someone else, who lent it to someone else and it was never to be seen again - actually it was a bumbo so quite useful and obviously a lending item!

Have recently lent some maternity clothes to a friends wife, she was v grateful and if they come back in a distasteful fashion will mention it. But think she would be too polite (was sneaky and kept two IO pieces just in case) - also with mat clothes I got so fed up of wearing them that was pleased to get them out of the house!

On a tangent my SIL lent me somethings, MIL bought her DD loads of clothes and really nice ones, never saw any of those - got all the crap stained clothes lent that were given to her by her other SIL and had been through 3 kids. Said they didn't want them back so gave to charity when finished. MIL didn't get us any of the nice stuff but if i had been allowed to borrow it I would have kept it in prisitine condition or replaced for another child. Incidentally MIL said to me that it wasn't as if SIL would use the same clothes for a second child as she would want all new - am thinking what a waste of a good childs wardrobe .

To briefly run to the end UANBU at all to have expected to get them returned clean and in relative condition, obviously you wanted them used or you wouldn't have lent them. Sometimes hormones can cause an issue and am sure you might have been less concerned if you had looked when not pregnant. It seems you have had some bad luck, perhaps you could ask her if she has any mat clothes you could borrow or anything like that as you could say yours hadn't survived v well in storage?

[brockleybelle]

I do think it was wrong of her to return the items unstained, particularly without mentioning it to you.
If I borrowed baby clothes, maternity clothes from a friend and I stained them and unable to get stains out, I would feel duty-bound to buy replacements. I think that's the honest and fair thing to do. Why should you take advantage of someone's goodwill?

[thedollshouse]

I never lend clothes. I give them away once I have finished but wouldn't lend because it would be impossible for them to come back in the same condition that they were before.

[Meglet]

I'm suprised you expected it back in good condition. I was thinking the other day how many items of kids clothes get chucked out for rags. Baby stuff gets stained and toddler clothes end up with holes and stains. Are my children just very messy and accident prone?

[TabithaTwitchet]

I'm surprised at how many people don't lend stuff/ expect it back, and think people are stupid for doing so.

I pass all DD's stuff on to my friend, whose daughter is a year younger. As soon as her DD grows out of it she gives it back - washed and I pack it away for the future DC2.

My friend in her turn passes stuff her older daughter has grown out of on to DD, DD wears it and then I give it back again in time for her younger daughter to wear it.

I would not dream of giving back something stained, and would definitely take the trouble to remove any stains that DD might make - I am a bit anal and also iron everything before I give it back.

I would be upset and surprised if I received clothes back "ruined" - but I'm sure my friend wouldn't do such a thing; I think the OP has a right to feel upset, but I think it is too late to raise the issue now.

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

My firend recently lent hers to one of her other friends and it was all stained, stretched, ruined.
Some stuff wasnt even clean and she also recieved stuff back she had never seen before.

I am a selfish cow and never lend this type of thing out for these reasons!

[Mooncupflowethover]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. I lent loads of baby clothes, some even new with tags still on, to a good friend. I told her to look after them as I'd want them back for my LO. She gave birth about a week after I found out I was pg.

To cut a long story short, when the clothes were finally returned I was given half the clothes I'd given her (in a terrible state, extremely bobbled, stained etc), and the other half consisted of clothes I'd never seen and were all vile, stained and for a preemie baby (mine were all 0-3 months, and my newborn wasn't premature). And to cap it off I was given the new tagged clothes I'd given to her back, wrapped up as a gift for my newborn!!!

I was bloody furious, and I think you have every right to be furious too. Having said that, I never mentioned it to her, got over it (eventually!), and considered it a lesson well learned.

[TheProvincialLady]

Daisymo hang the clothes outside for a day or so, even on a cloudy day, and they should brighten. I use cloth nappies and sunlight takes off even the grimmest stains.

[Northernlurker]

I've lent a lot of things and always got it back in good nick. My moses basket has been used by at least four other babies I have a couple of sweet baby suits that are special to me and are lovely first sizes. I lent them to somebody as a loan and had to wait 8 (rather nervous) months to get them back - but I did get them back.

[PuppyMonkey]

I would use this as an excuse to nip to Primark and get more stuff...

Lending clothes is one of those things that can easily be mistaken for "giving" clothes...

[daisymo]

The exact same thing has happened to me with milk stains, in fact I've found this thread googling how to get rid of them. I packed our clothes up after baby number 1, just got them out and I cannot believe the yellow stains. It's like the 40 degree non-bio wash wasn't good enough but you couldn't see it at the time! I've sprayed all of them with stain remover, washed but still there ... looking for further ideas cos it's a massive bag stained.
BTW - Between my SIL and friends a few of us have also lent things with the intention of passing back, so i don't think that's unusual. I kept favourites back though.

[warthog]

someone lent me maternity clothes and the jeans i wore quite a lot so i gave her a contribution towards a new pair. in fact it probably would have paid for a new pair. plus a present for lending me the stuff in the first place. i'm not sure i'd borrow stuff again tho, because it was just too stressful to try and keep everything pristine!

[mumbythepond]

Thanks FabBakerGirl- think I'll be OK as another kind friend has lent me some bits.

Just to clarify in case anyone is still reading. I didn't expect clothes back pristine and only one or two items were 'special' and I expected to be treated with more care. Just surprised that such a lot of it was stained an filthy but I understand now about the odd milk phenomena! It was clear from the beginning that I was intending to use them again myself and I think it was her responsibility not to accept them if she didn't think she was up to the washing and not my responsibility when offering!

I still think it is possible to be careful and respectful with other peoples things. I'll just lend to friends who I know feel the same! Or maybe I'll have a boy and then I'll just give the stuff away........

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

OP - I have some brown maternity cords which I won't ever use again, or need them back, so you can have them if they are any use to you.

[GoldenSnitch]

When I was pregnant with DS, my SIL gave me all of her old maternity clothes and baby clothes with a small caveat that while she did not plan to have any more children, should she have an "accident" she would want the lot back.

I used it all. Maternity tops were worn and kept nice, maternity trousers were put back in the box as I would have had to take them up to fit me and that was too permanent a thing to do to someone elses clothes (even with Wundaweb, the crease from the new hem is hard to get rid of and the material wears) When I had done with them, I packed them back into the box with scented drawer lining paper to keep them fresh adding the new things I had bought myself... I got them out again a few months ago and they are just as I left them.

Baby clothes I was careful with but didn't get too distresed if things got a little stained. Most things were on thier 3rd child by the time they got to my DS and some poo and weaning stains just do not come out. Plus, I more than made up for anything ruined and thrown away by adding things that DS had been bought new. Anything precious had been kept my SIL so I knew anything in the box was 'expendable' IYKWIM.

My point is, that I do not think the Op was unreasonable to expect that a good proportion of her stuff should come back in a decent condition. It sounds like the friend has been lazy and neglectful - especially the stuff that's got scrapable dirt on it Some things will undoubtably get ruined but not as much as the Op describes.

Some of us are able to be careful with someone elses belongings!

[ProfYaffle]

I agree re milk yellowing over time. I put dd1's clothes away in the attic for dd2 (wasn't about to lend them out! ) and was horrified by how yellowed they'd gone 3 years later when I got them out.

I've only ever passed clothes on once dd2 has finished with them and I don't want them back. I've also been given loads of clothes by various people and would never accept something I was expected to give back, too much hassle to keep track of what belonged to who and impossible to keep stuff stain free.

Also, the clothes I was given were on their 3rd child by the time they got to dd2 and were definitly getting very worse for wear by that stage, not much survived that long really.

[saltyseadog]

I guess what would have been nice is for the borrower to maybe have bought the OP a present to say thanks for lending the kit, and to acknowledge that some of the kit was now well worn.

Having said that, I agree with others that if you lend someone something you are taking a risk that it may not come back in the state you lent it. Probably one best chalked up to experience. As the saying goes never a lender or borrower be.

OP - go and treat you and bump to some nice new kit with your maternity grant . At least you have a good excuse. And LOLOL at patch with 'Save Me' on.

[HelenaBonhamCarter]

I just saw the anchor post

How tasteful is that. I'm so sorry but it almost made me spit my tea out

[Thingiebob]

I think it is quite risky to lend things like this out, however I don't think the OP is unreasonable to be upset about items being returned with dried sick on them. That's just disrepectful and nasty.

[MermaidSpam]

I do feel for you, although wouldn't expect baby clothes back once given away.
I was a bit miffed when "lent" moses basket, swing, etc and they were given to someone else after my friend had used them.