How do others manage housework with a clingy five month old?

[proteinballs]

I guess this is a bit of a rant, but always keen for advice or others hearing from others who may be in the same boat.

My OH asked me this evening why I have no time for anything productive (other than catching up on housework) and why I struggle to keep on top of the housework in general. It wasn't an argument or anything, just a question.

We have a beautiful gorgeous 5mo boy, who is very time consuming. He doesn't like lying down, currently teething, and if 40% of the day is made up of naps, the rest of the day he requires being held constantly. He is a very cuddly baby, needs lots of physical stimulation. My OH works all day, and when he's home he is doing building work on the house - he is constantly busy and I don't expect him to do any more as he is stretched as he is.

We always start the day at 6am. During the day, I will prioritise his waking windows with playing and activities. When he's sleeping, I will do as many chores as possible. We usually have 4 x 40 min naps a day, I'm lucky if it goes beyond that in time or frequency.

I keep on top of dishes, clean/fold clothes, try and keep a tidy house in general. I'm slack at hoovering, but almost can't be arsed when a lot of the building work ends up inside the house (e.g., concrete, insulation bits, screws and shit that shouldn't be coming in to the house in general). I always cook dinner, have to entertain the baby while cooking which is difficult when he wants to be held, clean up afterwards, get him ready for bed by 7/8pm. By the time he's asleep I have all of an hour "me time" before I go to bed, which consists of more tidying. The little man still wakes through the night, sometimes worse because of teething. I'm tired, and chronically sleep deprived. Furthermore, the little man is EBF snacker, so I feed him on demand and that means every 2-3 hours, if more sometimes.

I explain to my OH I don't have a lot of free time to myself, which I am currently struggling with. My mental health is good, but I do need some time off. The OH thinks most people can cope with the baby:housework balance, I don't think that's the case. I'm not pissed or angry at the OH for asking this or pointing anything out, I just want him to understand that I am doing the best to make sure our lil guy is the happiest lil man possible, housework and general life takes a backseat for him.

Anyone got tips on how to be a domestic goddess and entertain a velcro baby?

Do I just need to bin my OH for being oblivious to how tiring having a clingy baby can be?

Tell your OH he can do it.

Seriously, that's a shitty question from him.

LTB

I agree it's a rubbish question, maybe he is destined to be binned!

In all seriousness, we have been together a looong time and I know he can be a bit black and white sometimes. He's busy trying to build our home into a fabulous place, I feel obliged to do the housework because he really has no free time either.

We have a great relationship and he is a super daddy, despite his silly question. I'll keep him for now 😂

It's maternity leave, not housewife leave. If your husband wants the house cleaner, he either does it himself or gets a cleaner in (and pays for that).

Some people use bouncers-obviously check what's safe and correctly adjusted. Could you ask family to take baby for a walk? Or just to hold them, if they're not up to walking for health reasons.

When mine were that age, my H did all the house-cleaning at the weekend. I did cooking, washing-up and laundry.

Tell him he’s free to bustle around being Mr Mop.

When DS was five months and I was on maternity leave, I was writing my first novel when I wasn’t looking after him. If DH had suggested I did housework, I’d have asked him if he’d hit his head.

Tell DH to do it.

Apart from that, have you tried a proper sling? Not just for doing domestic drudgery but also handy for seeing to baby whilst you eat cake over the sink or need a wee.

You have a 5 month old that’s why!!!! I can’t believe he asked you that. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Some weeks the house is clean and organised, other weeks it’s just tidy, other weeks it’s a disaster. And I’m a SAHM. If they are teething it’s hard to get much done and also when they start to walk and climb things!! Or if they are ill or not napping! It’s hard, give yourself a break. You will get into a groove and feel more productive soon but you literally just left newborn days. I’m so sorry to say but that’s a really really shitty question and expectation from your husband.

He should help more around the house then

sling And low expectations

Thank you all for your comments, this has restored confidence that I'm doing the absolute best I can and not being completely hopeless.

OH has seen me on some very bad baby days and knows how clingy he can be, so he should know better than to be oblivious to how hard it can be. I know comments don't agree, but he genuinely works so hard so I can't expect him to do extra on top. We have a fuck off reno job, which don't do anything with.

As for suggestions, I use both a carrier and a wrap, which my boy loves indefinitely, and a bouncer but it gives me about 10 mins before fussing happens. I might use the carrier more, just to get that extra bit done. Otherwise, I'll keep enjoying my time with the lil man 💕 despite his velcro nature I adore every moment with him. I am starting to get an itch for a second and just know it'll be even more carnage, OH will just need to abandon all expectations then 😂

You alter your expectations as to what will get done.

Honestly, just parent better.

There's no reason a five month old can't spend half an hour or so in eg a bouncy chair or similar.

I think on the whole it's a good thing that we are more open about how difficult parenting small children is. However completely sacrificing everything to cater to every whim is not healthy for anyone (including the baby).

I learnt how to use a woven wrap / carrier with the baby on my back. It was a) very useful for chores and b) amazing to go out and about with her peeping over my shoulder. Many happy memories.

it takes a while to get the knack so if there’s a sling library or baby wearing Facebook group near you I’d go there to get some help at first.

Just parent better 😂 have you experienced a clingy very fussy baby before? Not every baby is the same, I know friends with babies they could leave in a bouncer all day, and never fuss. I'm just doing my best to keep my ultra fuss potato FOMO baby happy and I will sacrifice everything to do so

What an awful comment. Parenting better does not mean putting a child in a container and ignoring them. Mine just cried in a bouncer.
OP your "OH" (horrendous expression) can jog on. You are looking after a baby full time. You're not a cleaner/houseslave.

I use a stretchy wrap carrier and it was a lifesaver through the newborn trenches! I have looked at side and front facing wrap techniques recently. Thank you for the sources, I'll look at those as well

Also OP your baby is entirely normal. Stressing over them being 'clingy' or 'fussy' won't change anything. It's their temperament. Mine is 22 months and still won't be left alone for more than 5 mins, and she only contact napped / buggy napped til over 12 months so I know more than enough about having no break. You do the bare minimum / what is most important - for me that was eating and laundry. Othe rstuff you do when your partner is at home. Get out and enjoy yourself, I hate being at home for ages with my toddler. Your baby is probably seeking more stimulation which presents as fussiness.

I'm not one of those people who believe a fussy baby must be handled within seconds or they'll be damaged for life. I do believe that one has to keep up with basic aspects of daily living. It's fine to be in eyesight of your baby, doing some chores, and for them to fuss briefly. Don't ignore him, interact with him and explain you will be free shortly (he won't understand but will benefit from calming tones).

I'm a house cleaner and so I do get new parent clients where they are just sat looking at their baby all day. They don't find time to eat, bathe, do any housework, and it quickly slips away from them. It isnt healthy.

Haha I know it's an awful term, I wholeheartedly agree. We aren't married and I can't stand boyfriend 😂 other half is best I can do - unless you have some good suggestions? And the comment in question, that sort of thinking doesn't align with my values, the bouncer works for 10 mins and then he'll cry, and I will not let my baby cry and ignore him.

On another note, I'm just going to the other half show these comments.

Well, they’re hiring you to do the housework part, so it’s good as far as you’re concerned?

Yeah also some time you’re that busy trying to do everything you achieve nothing
one room a day and do a different room every day
then quick wipe in bathroom kitchen today as you go
hoover and mop as and when

but the biggest think is no clutter and organised a little of the time it’s tidying that takes the time not cleaning

A cleaner if you can afford it. Relaxed standards if not. Not the end of the world and not forever. But my way around it was a sling. It amused my mum a could cook a full Sunday roast with my baby tucked in the sling content 😂