Would you give yourself more time with your children?

[KateColx]

I’m looking for some unbiased opinions please! Sorry this might be long.

I’m currently on maternity leave with my 2nd DC, due back to work early next year.

After my first DC I decided not to return to work and went freelance instead. It went fine, I had 4/5 clients and was bringing in money (just not as much as my salary), but after 6 months ish my old job asked if I’d consider returning and I was tempted back by the stable income and not having to constantly be on the look out for new clients etc. so returned 4 days a week and overall I enjoyed it.

However, whilst I was pregnant this time, my Mum passed away suddenly. My Mum was one of my best friends, we spoke every single day and after my Dad left when I was young, it was just us for a lot of years. So to suddenly lose her has definitely given me a new view of ‘life’s too short’, and I now have this underlying feeling that I should be prioritising time with my children as much as I can and soaking them up whilst they’re so little.

My siblings and I did get some inheritance from my Mum, and whilst It isn’t enough to quit work and live on forever, it is a good amount as a ‘back up’ if I need it.

My husband earns well but we do keep our finances pretty separate (we split household / nursery bills etc very fairly), and he’s supportive of whichever route I want to take. He does however work away Monday - Friday, so everything for the children falls on me in the week.

So now I keep going round in circles, do I return to work and a hectic routine, seeing less of the children but knowing that we’ll find our feet with a new normal eventually? Or do I try the freelance route again?

If I go back to work my little one will be in nursery 4 full days from 12 months (we have no family support) and my eldest will need to go to both breakfast and after school club when they start school in September.

If I go freelance, I could gradually introduce my littlest into nursery (starting at 2 days a week so I can work) and I’d get more time with her in the week, plus my eldest wouldn’t need wrap around care at school. This would save around £700/£800 a month, but it’s more the time aspect I’d want it for.

Freelance wise it would take time to find clients etc. and build up my income, but I do now have my Mums inheritance to support me whilst I do which takes the pressure off.

If I return to work it would give me a solid salary every month and keep my foot in the door of the more ‘corporate world’. I also remember feeling like I got a bit of me back when I returned the first time. I do like my job and the people I work with, but it is quite intense and demanding. There are no options to reduce days / hours.

I just feel like it’s constantly going round in my head and the person I would normally ask now isn’t here to help.

So my question - would you take the pay cut / risk for more time with your children whilst they’re little?

YABU - Go back to work, it’ll be fine & you’ll adjust.
YANBU - Take some time to enjoy your kids and go freelance.

More time at home, yes, but not when they’re young. They actually really need you more when they’re older. Mine are going into Y4 and Y9. They need me around now a lot more than they did at 1 & 4. Dh and I both put in the time with career progression when they were younger and now neither of us has to work FT. It’s made a real difference in terms of quality of life and what we can support them to do outside of school and being present to help with homework and deal with friend drama fallout.

I would ask the firm if part-time was an option, so that either you do 3 day week or short days so you can do school pick-up. What is the plan for school holidays?

Sorry to hear about your mum, know the feeling. Very difficult to looo after young children whilst grieving x

How on earth are you splitting things fairly if he’s away 5 days a week. Who is caring for his children? Who is fitting their schedule around that? Who cleans the house and does the laundry in that time? Who took mat leave and who was pregnant, who has damaged their earning power and pension by having both of your children? He’s able to earn what he does because of what you contribute. I dont understand keeping finances so separate personally. You married, you agreed a partnership, you had joint children and only one of you will bear the brunt of that. I know that reads like a lecture but I mean it as don’t be conned out of support that he owes you because you think he’s being fair by sharing some of your responsibility. It’s both of yours.

in your position though I would go freelance, I don’t think you’ll regret time with your children, especially if there’s scope to go back to similar work in the future? I would want dh to split finances more though and I’d definitely check with work about lowering your hours. They are obviously keen to work with you since they asked you to come back are you 100% certain they wouldn’t be flexible? If you’re going to quit anyway there’s no harm in asking.

Just gone through something similar, I am leaving my full time job after 25 years next month. I have been doing a job on the side which I am planning to pick up more after leaving . The thing that made the decision for me in my 2nd job I deal with allot of older clients and i’ve lost count how many of them told me they wish they was there more for their kids all they did was work and work and they regret it some of them say it effected the relationship with their kids.

I am not rich far from it but i’ve come to realise as long as I can afford to put food on the table for my family pay the bills and if lucky go on holiday once a year if it means spending more time with kids I am happy, in 50 years or so i’ll be dead my house i’ve worked so hard for will be lived in by someone else my car will end up on a scrap heap everything I own will be given away or sold, the only true thing that is part of you which carry’s on is your kids.