Newborn has very large stork mark - dealing with rude comments

[Colourbear]

this is my very first post so I hope I have started this thread in the right area! Long post alert.

my DS2 is 4 weeks old today. He is my second (DS1 is 2.5). DS2 has a very big stork mark on his forehead - it is in a perfect V shape between his eyebrows and right up his forehead and fades into his scalp. (My delivery was rough and needed forceps at the end so he had a lot of marks and bruising on his face at first but that’s all gone and the stork mark remains). Before we were discharged from hospital the midwife checked him over and she said to me that she would make note of his stork mark on his records as it could be mistaken for abuse - fine with me. She explained to me that they are common and normally fade. DH and I are not bothered at this point because he is in perfect health so what else really matters? My DS1 had a large stork mark on the back of his neck and his is hardly noticeable now so I assumed DS2 would be the same.

fast forward to now - I can’t tell you how many horrible and rude comments and stares my baby boy has had over the last 4 weeks :( it absolutely breaks my heart for him. He is a beautiful baby with big eyes and a cute nose and squishy cheeks. He is calm and cuddly and just so loving. So it kills me when people (both family members and strangers) have made such rude comments ‘can you get that lasered off?’ ‘Are you sure that will fade?’ ‘There’s no way that will fade look at the size of it’ and the worst of all off my nana (who I haven’t spoke to since and will cut contact for this) ‘gosh he’s lovely but what an absolute shame about that birth mark’.
my heart is shattered for him. And I’m absolutely flabbergasted - I thought stork marks were common in newborns on various parts of the face/neck but you would think no one else in the world has heard of them or seen them? DS1 had a huge one on the back of his neck which was scarlet red but not one person ever commented and it was very noticeable as he had short hair! It’s at the point now where I am googling every day about stork marks and worrying that my baby is going to go through this his whole life with this birth mark. I’m now worried that because of how prominent it is it won’t fade at all. Has anyone else had experience with stork marks on the forehead? Do they ever really fade or are they permanent? It’s put me off letting people see him as I have now become so over protective of him and even though he can’t understand I don’t want these cruel things being said about him. It’s got to the point where I’ve gone from not being bothered about this birthmark to being obsessed about it. When I take pictures of him it’s the only thing I see now. Which I know is so so wrong on every level :(

Congratulations! He sounds absolutely beautiful.

Ignore daft comments! How blessed are you to have two healthy, beautiful children - it’s the most wonderful news! Enjoy the squishy cheek stage :)

Aw. Just read the bit that it’s getting to you too. Go easy on yourself. It’s easy to find anything to obsess about post partum - it’s a hard time. Try to be nice to yourself :)

How rude of them. My DD2 had a large stork mark on her forehead, and one on the back of her neck, and the one on her forehead is pretty much gone now although it's more visible when she cries (she's 18 months). I sort of miss it, as it was a part of her when she was a tiny baby and now she's getting older. I don't think we had any comments though.

I'd just ask them to repeat it.
"What a shame about that mark"
"Sorry?"
"I just mean, it's a shame he has that mark"
"Why?"

I have to admit i’d never heard the term before your post, and now i’ve googled i suppose i would have just thought of them as birth marks, i didn’t know there was a separate category for ones on those places.

you sound very upset, and i’m sorry this has got to you so much. He is so new, i think you are probably overlooking how much of this reaction is hormones - if it continues it could be an indicator of pnd, and definitely worth discussing at your 6 week checkup.

I know your son’s will fade, but fwiw, there was a girl in my year who had a strong birthmark covering half her face - didn’t make any difference to her being beautiful, popular, and from what i heard post-school, successful. It just meant people sometimes had a small moment of surprise when they first met her. After that it just became part of who she is.

Congratulations on your lovely new baby!

My DS has a huge birthmark that runs from the back of his neck up all around his head. It’s not so noticeable now because it has faded and his hair has gone darker but when he was little and very blonde it was.
When he was about 5 a lunchtime supervisor asked him what happened to his neck and he told her that our dog bit him

People do speak without thinking, and I understand how protective you’re feeling, but I hope you can forgive your nana for her tactlessness.

I do agree with this last paragraph. Unless there is a backstory, I'm sure she meant no harm. Congratulations on your wonderful little family!

Gosh how rude. I would just ignore them- I think all stork marks fade quite quickly. My DD2 had quite an obvious one and it didn't show for long, although I think it randomly appeared when she was crying until she was about two.

Ah @Colourbeari understand how you feel, hugs to you.

My DS has a noticeable birth mark on his face between his eyes, it was v bright but also started to swell after about 4 weeks. So every day, wherever we went, at least one person made a comment. More people would stare.

The staring got to me more than the comments. I could respond to comments, people who stared never said anything so I ended up just glaring at them until they felt embarrassed and stopped looking at us.

When people did ask me, I was able to say in a breezy voice:

"Oh no, nothing is wrong, it's only a birth mark <tinkly laugh> he's gorgeous isn't he"

and effectively force the nosy and rude person to agree he was a gorgeous baby. Which he was. He had a perfectly round and chubby wee face and a cracking smile too.

He had to be put on medication (propranolol) as it got very large. It flattened out entirely and the colouring faded a lot by 18 months. If it hadn't swollen to the shape and size of an egg we wouldn't have gone for the meds.

He is old enough now to see it and because we were nonchalant about it, he is now too. He tells me if other kids comment on it but he tells them it is just a birth mark and everyone just moves on.

You will start to notice it less, or just see it as part of your baby's beautiful face, in no time at all. And other people will bother you less, I promise x

To add, my FIL referred to DS birthmark as "the deformity" which hugely upset me. I told him bluntly that DS was beautiful and no, it wouldn't be "cut off" and fixed him with such a filthy look he never mentioned it to me again.

My DD, now 13, has a stork mark between her eyes/eyebrows, it's not very big say about tlhalf the size of a 5p coin and by the sounds of things smaller than your Ds mark. I would say it was visible until she was 3, mostly faded now although still does show up if she is cross but very faint.

Luckily we never had any comments. Not sure if that's any help but assumed they all just faded as they get older.

My ds had a mark between his eyebrows (sounds a common place to get one). It faded to nothing by the time he was 12/18 months

Aw what a shame. Don't let these idiots upset you. Call them out on teb comments and say "wow, do you REALLY think thats an appropriate thing to say about a baby"?

My younger brother had one exactly as you describe. He's in his twneties now and absolutely no sign of it. I think it had fully faded by around 2 or 3. As older sisters we used to think it was hilarious as by that stage it would only show up and be visible at the onset of a toddler tantrum so we'd all shout 'clear the room, run away!" (Poor bro had 4 elder sisters 🤣)

Thoughtless comments. Please ignore them and enjoy your lovely baby.

The mark will possibly fade, but if it doesn't, what does it matter?

My DS had on that looked like a massive strawberry perched on his head. As his head changed shape it stretched out and went flat, and then faded. It was barely visible by the time his hair finally grew.

My son had a 'strawberry mark' on his forehead as a baby and I had some truly terrible comments, you have my sympathies.

Something I found worked well was to turn it around back into them and make it into a question. So if someone says something just reply 'just wondering - why did you ask that? / 'interesting, what makes you say that' / 'what did you mean by that?' etc. A lot of the time they try to back track and apologise.

I’m really sorry you’ve had this experience but I wanted to say please don’t stop talking to your nana over it, people will not always say the perfect thing or be perfectly sensitive and we have to give them grace. Let her know that she hurt you and give her the chance to say sorry. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things how she reacts to or feels about a birthmark really. X

Awwww, that's so sad for you and your poor boy.

My girls had loads all over their faces. (The fact they were in exactly the same places was how I realised they were probably identical 😂.)

They do fade in time... I'm sure he's very beautiful! 😀

Thanks everyone for your replies and kind words. As for my nana - she is 70 odd and has never been the most tactful of people 🙄 I am 4 week’s postpartum so maybe this is all hormone related. It’s just I’d expect a close family member to not be so rude and to just see him for how beautiful he is, with or without a birthmark. I expect my nana to be grateful he is healthy and not worry about what he looks like.

my nana also suggested that it’s not a stork mark like DS1 used to have but rather a port wine stain instead. How do I find out which it is? The midwife at our discharge told me it was a stork mark and the health visitor also said it was a stork mark - i thought port wine stains were raised/swollen and deep purple and go on into adult life?

my DS birthmark looks different every day I feel - when he’s crying it’s scarlet red but when he’s relaxed it seems to fade slightly. It just looks different on certain days and from certain angles.

My daughter had one, she’s at school now and it’s only noticeable when she’s cross - she calls it her Harry Potter mark 😂

I hope you don’t get any more stares or comments and enjoy the newborn cuddles!

Thank you @LightSpeeds ! he is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen with the squishiest cheeks and beautiful blue eyes. I just can’t believe other people don’t see what I see all because of a red mark on his forehead :(

My daughter had a really big one from her nose covering one eyebrow. It did fade slowly by about a year but if she’s upset you can still see it. We were lucky not to get comments but it was quite prominent for a while.

Port wine marks are really different. If the midwife said it’s a stork bite then that’s almost definitely what it is. I’m pretty sure if it goes white when you press on it then that’s the difference between the two.

my youngest son had one of these, really quite noticeable when he was young. By the time he was 3 it had faded considerably. It would cme back when he got cross and cried though. He's 10 now and you posting this has made me realise I haven't noticed it on him the last year or so, so I think it's probably finally faded completely.

one Of mine had a huge one and it faded and faded until it only could be seen if he cried. I don’t know when it went but it did. You have met some very rude and odd people. They are normal and even if they didn’t fade are nothing bad.

My baby girl had a big stork mark in the classic v on her forehead so it sounds similar - she’s now 3 and there’s nothing there.

Anyone commenting negatively about it is a twat and not worth your time. I can see why you are so upset, utter bastards.

Hello, just wanted to say be kind to yourself and know that these feelings will pass - hormones and sleep deprivation make dealing with all this stuff, especially the insensitive comments, so much harder!

My DS2 was born with a port wine stain birthmark on this face and I remember feeling so much of what you describe, especially in response to insensitive comments. It was especially difficult to deal with as we learned more about PWS and the fact my son would likely need laser treatment etc. Even though I could totally appreciate how beautiful he was I was full of worries and concerns about his future and insensitive comments didn’t help.

From what you describe, your baby’s birthmark does sound like a stork mark which as you know will likely fade but if you want to get it checked out do make an appointment to get a medical opinion (although some GPs aren’t great on this stuff).

There is also an amazing Facebook group if you can access it - Birthmark Support UK. You may be able to get a second opinion if you are happy to share a photo and it’s a lovely, very well informed and supportive group, its what I did when my son was that age and no one could tell me for sure what type it was. Once I knew it was PWS I could access the right care for him.

Please try not to worry and don’t let this spoil your enjoyment of you new baby, as easy as that is to say, but know there’s people who get it if you are struggling and need someone to talk to!