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Original poster

Newborn has very large stork mark - dealing with rude comments

59 replies

Colourbear · 18/11/2023 12:17

this is my very first post so I hope I have started this thread in the right area! Long post alert.

my DS2 is 4 weeks old today. He is my second (DS1 is 2.5). DS2 has a very big stork mark on his forehead - it is in a perfect V shape between his eyebrows and right up his forehead and fades into his scalp. (My delivery was rough and needed forceps at the end so he had a lot of marks and bruising on his face at first but that’s all gone and the stork mark remains). Before we were discharged from hospital the midwife checked him over and she said to me that she would make note of his stork mark on his records as it could be mistaken for abuse - fine with me. She explained to me that they are common and normally fade. DH and I are not bothered at this point because he is in perfect health so what else really matters? My DS1 had a large stork mark on the back of his neck and his is hardly noticeable now so I assumed DS2 would be the same.

fast forward to now - I can’t tell you how many horrible and rude comments and stares my baby boy has had over the last 4 weeks :( it absolutely breaks my heart for him. He is a beautiful baby with big eyes and a cute nose and squishy cheeks. He is calm and cuddly and just so loving. So it kills me when people (both family members and strangers) have made such rude comments ‘can you get that lasered off?’ ‘Are you sure that will fade?’ ‘There’s no way that will fade look at the size of it’ and the worst of all off my nana (who I haven’t spoke to since and will cut contact for this) ‘gosh he’s lovely but what an absolute shame about that birth mark’.
my heart is shattered for him. And I’m absolutely flabbergasted - I thought stork marks were common in newborns on various parts of the face/neck but you would think no one else in the world has heard of them or seen them? DS1 had a huge one on the back of his neck which was scarlet red but not one person ever commented and it was very noticeable as he had short hair! It’s at the point now where I am googling every day about stork marks and worrying that my baby is going to go through this his whole life with this birth mark. I’m now worried that because of how prominent it is it won’t fade at all. Has anyone else had experience with stork marks on the forehead? Do they ever really fade or are they permanent? It’s put me off letting people see him as I have now become so over protective of him and even though he can’t understand I don’t want these cruel things being said about him. It’s got to the point where I’ve gone from not being bothered about this birthmark to being obsessed about it. When I take pictures of him it’s the only thing I see now. Which I know is so so wrong on every level :(

OP posts:

HavfrueDenizKisi · 18/11/2023 14:19

My eldest DD had a stork mark on her forehead. It was down one side to an eyelid. It faded fairly quickly (maybe gone by 16 weeks) and was only visible when she cried as it got red again. She's 15 now and you'd never know!

People do let their mouth run off sometimes without thinking of how they sound. It's hard for you though.

Your boy sounds absolutely adorable. Congratulations.

Corilee2806 · 18/11/2023 14:19

Just to say PWS isn’t usually raised in young children and it can range from light pink/red (which my son’s is) to deep purple so quite a variation. Because my sons is quite light it took a while to confirm what it was as it was a similar colour to stork mark but not that classic v presentation you describe. PWS is usually slightly different but can be in between the eyes x

Flev · 18/11/2023 14:20

My daughter has a raised strawberry birthmark on her forehead which was a very dark red when she was younger. Like you, we got so much staring at her, and some very rude questions. Kids mostly asked if she'd hurt her head and were fine once I explained that no, she wasn't hurt. But the adults! One day I did snap when someone demanded "what's wrong with her?" and replied "nothing's wrong with her, what's wrong with your manners?"

DD is 5 now and her mark has faded a lot but is still visible - in fact as I've been writing this I've spotted another kid approach her at soft play to ask what it was. We've always been very matter of fact about it, so thankfully she's not fussed and just says "it's my birthmark"

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bakewellbride · 18/11/2023 14:22

@Flev I had that - "what happened to his head?" And I wasn't bolshy enough to say what happened to your manners but I really wish I had! Well done on saying it!

NewDogOwner · 18/11/2023 14:54

Might be time for Mumsnet's 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

hotpotlover · 18/11/2023 15:29

My daughter had 2 bright red birth marks at the back of her head underneath her hair.

She's 21 months old now. I've just had a look and they're completely gone now.

They are very common in babies. Some babies just have them in more visible places than others.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 18/11/2023 16:03

Of course you don't have to do this if you don't feel comfortable, but your baby sounds absolutely beautiful and I'm sure I'm not the only one who would love to see a photo x

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 18/11/2023 16:06

stork bites can be treated with laser therapy if they haven’t faded by 3.

Yummymummy2020 · 18/11/2023 16:31

My little girl had a huge one between her eyes, it’s gone now unless she cries. We had a few comments alright but I think my assertive PARDON nipped them in the bud! It’s that whole weird thing where people just lose sense and filters when it comes to babies and pregnant people!!! I was really worried it wouldn’t improve too, but it did gradually to this point and she is now two! I’m sure it will be the same for your little one!

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 18/11/2023 16:51

I had one- a perfect tick shape between my eyebrows, very noticeable in photos

mum called it my quality control check mark 😁

only see it now when hot or cross. Never bothered me at all

i bet he’s beautiful

Eumie · 18/11/2023 16:54

I can’t believe people have been so rude to you! My DS had a large stock mark on his forehead, and on the back of his neck. I’d never heard of them before, and I don’t think a lot of people know about them. We weee reassured that it would fade in a few months, but it was prominent until he was 12 months, but had faded by 18. Now at 23 months you can only really see it when he gets upset. We never had rude comments, but if we had I would have pointed out how rude it is to comment on someone else’s body.

On a nicer note I was in Ikea and saw someone with a newborn, and their newborn also had a prominent stork mark. I said how my DS had them too and how cute I thought they were! I relayed the story our midwife had told us, about how stork marks were thought to have been kisses from an angel/departed loved one. It really made their day!

LittleBearPad · 18/11/2023 17:07

DD had one, one on the back of her head and one on her forehead. They faded over time and now as a tween it’s gone (except when she has a temp sometimes or she’s cross). Apparently I had one too, you wouldn’t know in my photos as a child.

It’ll fade over time. He sounds lovely so give him a big squish and ignore all the people who are being so thoughtless.

CurlewKate · 18/11/2023 17:12

I hadn't heard of stork marks until my ds had one-I was worried until my lovely midwife explained it to me. So probably most people don't realise that they'll fade. I think people are just concerned- try not to let it worry you.
Incidentally, we got so used to it that I only noticed it had faded when MIL, who hadn't seen it for a while pointed it out!

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/11/2023 17:22

My eldest had one, one of my husband's colleagues was overjoyed when she saw it. In her culture it was a very lucky sign. That's the comment I focused on.

MrsCarson · 18/11/2023 17:32

My Ds had one across his cheek, eyelid and up his forehead. It was quite dark and he was very pale. The cheek and eyelid mark disappeared but the forehead mark stayed. It is just as red as ever now he's an adult. One one woman ever said anything, she said Oh dear has he had a bump on his head? I just said it's a birth mark and nothing more was said. He could get it removed with a laser but it doesn't bother him. Just get used to saying It's a birthmark in a matter of fact way and people stop mentioning it.
I think I'd have throttled my FIL if he's started calling it a deformity like one of the other posters.
They are all perfect they way they are.

Hiddenvoice · 18/11/2023 17:37

Don’t have any experience of stork marks but I think your ds sounds beautiful.

I’m sorry there’s so many rude people out there, especially your family members. I too would find this upsetting so please go easy on yourself.
I guess I’d start challenging them and if they say shame about the mark- I’d question to what they mean and actually put them in their place.
I also don’t blame you for wanting to cut contact.

Go wash on yourself op, your 4 weeks pp so everything will be getting to you but it sounds like you have an amazing little family!

pixiesaresmall · 18/11/2023 17:44

I think I've told this before on here. My daughter had a strawberry grow on her eyelid around 4 weeks old. Grew suddenly and looked large on a small face. My MIL presented me with a framed pic on Christmas Day of the baby who was only 12 weeks and she got her DH to photoshop it out. I refused to put it up and told her I didn't want a picture of a baby that didn't resemble mine thank you. Most offended she was
People are nuts OP. Ignore them and enjoy your beautiful baby boy. He sounds wonderful

Kitkat1523 · 18/11/2023 17:53

A bit OT going NC with your Nan OP🙄

very likely will fade some by 1 to 2 years…maybe not completely if to very prominent …always more obvious after crying etc…..you are his mum he will be perfect to you …..people don’t think before they speak….ignore them

Smokedcheesyballs · 18/11/2023 17:53

Congratulations on such a beautiful baby, he sounds perfectly wonderful.
Ignore the ignorant comments

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 18/11/2023 17:57

Firstly congratulations on your new baby!

One of my children had a mark on their foreheads. By the time they were a toddler it had faded. Your beautiful baby's mark will fade too.

The funny thing now is when my child sees baby photos, they exclaim they were like Harry Potter :)

Ponderingwindow · 18/11/2023 17:58

I am extremely pale. So pale that strangers sometimes comment on the color of my skin. I’ve gotten used to it. My strawberry marks were very stark in contrast.

I have no memory of the strawberry marks being an issue in my childhood.

The one on the back of my head mostly grew up into my hairline. It is still there, but it is pale and obviously covered by hair.

the one on my eyelid is faded to just about nothing. It shows up when I get stressed or when I get a bit of sun. It is easily covered by a bit of tinted moisturizer.

Himawarigirl · 18/11/2023 18:57

My dd, now 11, had/has one. We called it her blob and the GP said oh this will be gone by the time you have your 6 week check so enjoy it. It wasn't gone by then but did fade over the first year. Weirdly it never showed up much in photos but in real life it was there and got more red when she was angry and crying. Now you wouldn't even know it was there unless you knew and can see the super faint outline. But we always joke that her future partner will know when they've crossed a line as the blob will appear. Try not to worry, it will fade. My friend's son also had bad forcep marks which took a while to disappear but they also did.

Magenta65 · 18/11/2023 19:00

I’m 28 and still have my perfect V stork mark just slightly faded.
its not too visible day to day unless im
hot, upset or angry etc. does pop out a bit when im ill but I get no comments on it now. As a child I did, people can be cruel but he will learn to ignore them, I just said yes it’s a birth mark so what? People rarely have anything to say back.

justjeansandanicetop · 19/11/2023 11:21

My daughter had a stork mark, both on back of neck (not visible once hair started to grow over it) and on her forehead, just as you've described your sons.

Same as you, she also had forceps marks and as I had never heard of stork marks at that point I didn't really know which was which, and was also too caught up in everything to care much.

The forceps marks faded and the stork mark remained, and the HV (I think) told me what it was.

I then totally stopped noticing it. I just didn't see it, despite the fact it was fairly prominent.

I can remember one friend saying "what's that mark on her head?" and I was really taken aback. Partly, because I no longer noticed it and partly, yes, I thought it was very rude.

Nobody else ever noticed it and it did fade.

I can't remember how long it took to fade, but certainly by around 1 year old, I think. It would sometimes appear when she was very cold and her face was otherwise pale. Or when she was young and screaming / red in the face.

But honestly, they do fade and it's never been an issue.

I think you have just been unlucky with rude people.

justjeansandanicetop · 19/11/2023 11:23