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Original poster

If your parents had an age gap, how did it affect you?

61 replies

lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 16:33

I’m going to regret starting this thread I’m sure. I never thought I’d be in an ‘age gap’ relationship but here I am, he’s 15 years older than me. We have one DC and are TTC for another. 15 years isn’t the sort of gap he’ll get bullied over, right? By other kids? It won’t have a huge effect on him? My husband is early 40s, so not a hugely ‘old’ dad by modern standards?

If your parents had an age gap, did it affect you? We’re you ever bullied for it?

OP posts:
JM10 · 19/03/2021 16:36

It didn't at all.
My friend who had much older parents with no age gap was teased for her parents being older though. However, they possibly weren't much older than my dad, but he looked going and was fun, they acted and looked older than they were.

JM10 · 19/03/2021 16:36

Looked young that should have said

Slat3 · 19/03/2021 16:37

This is interesting as my DH is 20 years older & we have three children. I have wondered how it would affect them but hoped it wouldn’t be an issue!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

15 year olds Families General parenting
Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 16:38

My parents were 37 and 43 when they had me and I never thought anything of it! But I am worried now that comments might be made if I’m noticeably younger. At the moment his dad looks early 30s so I’m hoping that continues for as long as it can!

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mindutopia · 19/03/2021 16:39

My parents were roughly the same age. I had friends whose parents had a significant age gap, I know realise, but I never even thought of it at school. Definitely not something you'd get bullied over, I don't think. Kids are cruel though, they can find any reason, even really normal things.

That said, I wouldn't think that having a baby in your early 40s is 'old' or unusual in anyway. I'm early 40s and have a toddler and I'd say I'm probably the same age or younger than most parents at nursery.

From a really pragmatic perspective though, my parents didn't have an age gap (were 30 when I was born) and my dad died relatively young when I was a teenager. Nothing in life is guaranteed. I wouldn't be at all worried about age in this situation if you want to any another child.

AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN · 19/03/2021 16:39

I wasn’t bullied for it but I do think it was a factor in my embarking on a relationship with a much older man as a teenager with a very weird power dynamic. I sort of saw 15yrs older as a default husband age in my head, even though logically I knew that wasn’t mandatory. I wish I had been able to see the potential for a relationship with a man my own age before I put myself through a lot of nonsense.

saraclara · 19/03/2021 16:40

My dad was 20 years older than my mum. It didn't affect me in the slightest. When I was born, my mum was 23 and my dad 42. So no, especially now when parents tend to be older when they have their kids, I don't think you've anything to worry about at all. Loads of dads of your DC's friends will be the same age as your DH, I reckon.

SilverDoe · 19/03/2021 16:40

Sadly it did affect me. Superficially in primary school everybody thought he was my grandad which was weird and I could never seem to correct them.

More importantly I lost him 4 months ago. I'm 27. It was inevitable really that I would lose him quite young.

Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 16:41

@mindutopia

My parents were roughly the same age. I had friends whose parents had a significant age gap, I know realise, but I never even thought of it at school. Definitely not something you'd get bullied over, I don't think. Kids are cruel though, they can find any reason, even really normal things.

That said, I wouldn't think that having a baby in your early 40s is 'old' or unusual in anyway. I'm early 40s and have a toddler and I'd say I'm probably the same age or younger than most parents at nursery.

From a really pragmatic perspective though, my parents didn't have an age gap (were 30 when I was born) and my dad died relatively young when I was a teenager. Nothing in life is guaranteed. I wouldn't be at all worried about age in this situation if you want to any another child.

Thank you, that’s reassuring!
OP posts:
SilverDoe · 19/03/2021 16:41

I am with a partner older than myself but our age gap is half of that between my mum and dad. I wouldn't have changed him looking back though! You just have to go with it, it's your reality.

Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 16:42

@AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN

I wasn’t bullied for it but I do think it was a factor in my embarking on a relationship with a much older man as a teenager with a very weird power dynamic. I sort of saw 15yrs older as a default husband age in my head, even though logically I knew that wasn’t mandatory. I wish I had been able to see the potential for a relationship with a man my own age before I put myself through a lot of nonsense.
To be honest, I never wanted to be in age gap relationship. It just so happened the man I fell for was 15 years older. I obviously have some concerns about late in life, so would advise my kids to not ever seek it out.

How was your parents relationship? Are they still together, dare I ask, are they happy?

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 19/03/2021 16:42

@lifejusthappens

I’m going to regret starting this thread I’m sure. I never thought I’d be in an ‘age gap’ relationship but here I am, he’s 15 years older than me. We have one DC and are TTC for another. 15 years isn’t the sort of gap he’ll get bullied over, right? By other kids? It won’t have a huge effect on him? My husband is early 40s, so not a hugely ‘old’ dad by modern standards?

If your parents had an age gap, did it affect you? We’re you ever bullied for it?

Every woman I know who had an age gap more than 5 years, died of old age conditions far before her time if that makes sense. I guess as long as you don’t let him slow you down and drag you into an early old age it’s ok - but if you prefer doing things together then you may feel the effects by your mid-50s.
Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 16:49

Grumpy, I’m aware I may feel the effects one day. Honestly at the moment he’s a young soul, energetic, is more silly with our son than I am. I’m hoping kids and me will keep him young. I’m definitely not planning on becoming old before my time.

OP posts:
CustardLovingPooPooHead · 19/03/2021 16:55

My dad was 50 when I was born. My mum was much younger. I was never bullied but a lot of people thought he was my grandfather. I do remember wondering how old I would be when he died in a way that I never did about my mum. I suppose there's a sadness in that, looking back, although it didn't consume my every waking thought or anything like that! In the event he died young (60s).

saraclara · 19/03/2021 16:56

How was your parents relationship? Are they still together, dare I ask, are they happy?

I know it's not me that you're asking, but my parents with the 20 year gap were extremely happy together, and were together for 45 years before he died.

My mum was older when he died, than I was when my DH (one year older than me) died Sad. So the age gap was of no significance there in the end, either.

saraclara · 19/03/2021 16:58

Every woman I know who had an age gap more than 5 years, died of old age conditions far before her time if that makes sense. I guess as long as you don’t let him slow you down and drag you into an early old age it’s ok - but if you prefer doing things together then you may feel the effects by your mid-50s.

My experience was absolutely the opposite. My mum is a ridiculously young at heart 88 now. She kept my dad young if anything. And the gap certainly didn't stop them doing things together!

Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 17:02

@saraclara Thank you, both your posts are so lovely to read, and so reassuring. It’s a horrible feeling sometimes knowing so many people on here think my relationship doomed! I was bought up with parents the same age as my husbands, and siblings the same age as my husband, so he’s never felt older. It just happened, and I hate to worry as it makes my lovely little family feel, abnormal. So thank you. You’ve made me smile :)

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ThePricklySheep · 19/03/2021 17:02

I would think it would be the parents’ ages, not the gap that matters. Many men don’t have children till their 40s.

I had a couple of friends with dads around 70 by the time we were in our teens, which seemed very old, but I only gave it a moment’s thought. No one was ever unkind to them about it, as far as I was aware.

saraclara · 19/03/2021 17:03

[quote lifejusthappens]@saraclara Thank you, both your posts are so lovely to read, and so reassuring. It’s a horrible feeling sometimes knowing so many people on here think my relationship doomed! I was bought up with parents the same age as my husbands, and siblings the same age as my husband, so he’s never felt older. It just happened, and I hate to worry as it makes my lovely little family feel, abnormal. So thank you. You’ve made me smile :)[/quote]
I'm glad!

Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 17:28

@ThePricklySheep

I would think it would be the parents’ ages, not the gap that matters. Many men don’t have children till their 40s.

I had a couple of friends with dads around 70 by the time we were in our teens, which seemed very old, but I only gave it a moment’s thought. No one was ever unkind to them about it, as far as I was aware.

That’s true, he was 39 when we had our first. He’s currently 41 and we are TTC for our second at the moment. So, not too old a dad by modern standards.
OP posts:
ThePricklySheep · 19/03/2021 17:31

He’s really not Smile

AdriannaP · 19/03/2021 17:48

I am in an age gap relationship, our DC never had any negative comments yet. Once in a shop someone thought he was her grandad but no big deal.

I on the other hand had a teenage mum and hated. So many comments on how young my mum is and how young she looks blablabla. People sometimes thought my grandma (she was 38 when I was born) was my mum. So I guess whatever your circumstances some idiot might always comment.

Original poster
lifejusthappens · 19/03/2021 18:31

@AdriannaP

I am in an age gap relationship, our DC never had any negative comments yet. Once in a shop someone thought he was her grandad but no big deal.

I on the other hand had a teenage mum and hated. So many comments on how young my mum is and how young she looks blablabla. People sometimes thought my grandma (she was 38 when I was born) was my mum. So I guess whatever your circumstances some idiot might always comment.

Thank you, that’s a very good point. People will always find something to judge.
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StillSmallVoice · 19/03/2021 21:09

Twenty years between my parents. I am pretty old now. Dad was in his fifties when we came along. He had basically Victorian values and was very strict, but I knew I was loved absolutely unconditionally, and he had this air of not quite believing his luck in producing three absolutely perfect children! He also adored Mum, whose copies of Germaine Greer and the other Seventies feminists were hidden in plain sight where he wouldn't see them.

Life is complicated and so is love. But age is the least of the issues.

Daydrambeliever · 19/03/2021 21:32

My dad was 20 years older than my mum. I had lots of comments about him being my grandpa. I also developed an unhealthy terror of him dying when I was a young child that I never really shook. He died when I was in my early 20s and my youngest sibling was still at school. He was 43 when I was born but in the area I lived and at that time he was an old dad. Today he would be pretty average.