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Original poster

Baby awake for hours at night

90 replies

bleachblondemom · 27/12/2020 14:39

My baby is 10 days old and for the last few nights has been wide awake from about 10:30/11pm to nearly 3am. He cries and fusses and will only fall asleep on either me or DH then wakes up after about ten minutes in his Moses basket. Because he’s awake for that whole time, he realises he’s hungry sooner than he would if he was asleep, so for those 4 hours it’s just a cycle of feeding, winding and crying. Once he does go to sleep, he’s fine then for 4 or more hours. Then wakes, feeds, and back to sleep a bit more! I know it’s way too early for him to have a routine yet but I don’t know why he’s started doing this at that specific time. He is absolutely fine in the day, he doesn’t cry or show any signs of distress. Just eats, sleeps, and spends his awake time with us just looking around very happily. I’ve tried to stimulate him more in the evenings so that he’s tired and ready for bed when we are but hasn’t worked so far. Am I letting him sleep too much in the day maybe? I don’t know what else to do with him in the day as he’s too young to respond to playing.

OP posts:

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Terracottasaur · 27/12/2020 15:50

This is unfortunately very normal! Mine was the same - slightly better now at 25 days old. You just need to wait it out

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 27/12/2020 19:53

This is absolutely normal especially at such a young age. Most babies are born nocturnal. Reducing sleeping hours in the day will do nothing it will only make him overtired and ratty and then harder to handle. Just try to sleep when DS sleeps and eventually he will learn the difference between night and day. Make daytime bright, lots of background noises etc. Then night time sit in the room with a low lit lamp and quieter. He will get the hang of it!

00100001 · 27/12/2020 20:04

Absolutely normal...sorry.

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4amWitchingHour · 27/12/2020 20:06

Totally normal! Just go with it. At this point my LO's cluster feeding time was between midnight and 4am, so awake and feeding constantly.

Also, are you leaving 4 hours between feeds generally? That's a long time for such a tiny one, I was advised 3 hrs max and then wake them up for a feed, until my 10 day appt when the midwife said to perhaps let him go for as long as 3 and a half hours. Don't even attempt a routine. He's barely out the womb, so probably too much to expect him to sleep alone in the Moses basket unless he's in a really deep sleep.

Aalvarino · 27/12/2020 20:06

Normal. Are you breastfeeding?? Your milk supply needs to be stimulated at night, additionally. Something to do with signalling to make more...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/12/2020 20:38

Normal!

00100001 · 27/12/2020 22:43

Also, don't worry about stimulating him, life is enough stimulation. Think about all the noises, movements, smells, temperatures etc that your LOs experiencing just being in your home! Less than 2 weeks ago, he was never tired, hungry or cold, every sound was muffled and all movement fluid!

Hang in there, he'll get there 😊

Life is sensory.

Original poster

bleachblondemom · 28/12/2020 09:37

Urgh same again last night, fed him at half 9 and tried to put him down, he was up until 3am 😐 he goes down to sleep absolutely fine in the day, even with lights on and telly on! For the first week of his life he slept really well at night too in his Moses basket next to our bed, exactly the same setup as now. We haven’t changed anything.
Formula feeding so nothing to do with milk supply. His feeding is different throughout the day- sometimes he’ll have a 4 hour break, sometimes a 2 or even 1.5 hour break. Depends on how deeply he’s slept.
I just don’t know what I’m going to do when DH goes back to work next week and has to be up at 6am. If baby is still doing this I’ll have to sit downstairs for hours. I know I sound stupid because obviously this is what babies do but it’s so exhausting. Not just staying awake, but listening to him cry as well. I hate the thought of him being upset or uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/12/2020 09:55

Have my sympathies OP, my second was up until 1am last night (feeding from 8pm), up again at 4am. I know though that it passes! Is your husband a light sleeper, can’t u feed next to him in the bed?

3rdtimelucky2019 · 28/12/2020 09:55

It's your DH baby too, a little sleep deprivation won't harm him. Stay in the bedroom and get your sleep in the times when baby does sleep. This isn't forever, I promise it gets better. It feels like forever in the beginning.

As you have a child under 1, you're allowed a support bubble so if you have someone suitable to help in the day, have them sit with the baby while you have a sleep for a few hours. A few hours unbroken sleep will do you the world of good right now.

Cornettoninja · 28/12/2020 10:02

Tiring out for newborns up to about one and a half (I think) doesn’t really work. This is the era of sleep begets sleep so if they’re well rested they sleep better. It might be helpful to look up generic nap schedules by age as a rough guide (don’t stress if he doesn’t follow this though).

Also he needs as much natural sunlight as possible to help him get into a natural day/night rhythm. I had a December baby too and it’s not easy when we’re having a particularly grey winter but it helps both of you to get out for walks.

Ultimately though these babies are hardcore party animals so try to just lean into his routine as much as you can feasibly manage. My biggest regret is spending so much time fighting what my dd just did naturally and getting stressed out. They do what they do and it all levels off eventually - may as well make it as easy for you as possible!

Original poster

bleachblondemom · 28/12/2020 11:04

DH has been fantastic from the second baby was born. Got to about half 11 last night and he told me to just go to sleep, and he stayed up with baby until 3am, and got up with him again at 7am. So he’s having a few extra hours this morning whilst I’m up with baby.
I wouldn’t mind if he was sleeping a bit and then waking up a few times, it’s the fact that he’s totally awake until those early hours thats killing me. And then I feel bad for letting us all sleep in until like 11am the next morning, like I’m being lazy and wasting the day!
DH is a construction worker so I worry about him driving and using tools/machinery when he’s tired. Honestly this is me speaking, not him, he hasn’t complained once and like I said he’s brilliant with the baby. I’m the one who worries about his sleep because I want him to be safe at work.

OP posts:

Respectabitch · 28/12/2020 11:11

This is normal at this age. Just go with it and tag team to get the sleep you need. You can sleep in the day when baby is asleep. Forget about "wasting the day". If you are really worried about your DH once he's back at work, is there anywhere else he can sleep? Spare room, sofa?

It's normal for babies to want to sleep on/next to someone especially at night and also normal for them to be awake more at night than in the day in the early weeks.

I’ve tried to stimulate him more in the evenings so that he’s tired and ready for bed when we are but hasn’t worked so far.

Sorry but this is probably totally counterproductive. Newborns are very easily overstimulated, which makes them fussier, harder for them to fall asleep and they sleep worse. It's arguable that the "evening fussies" that many new babies get is a result of stimulation during the day building up. The stimulation of normal life is more than enough for them.

Sorry to say that your baby just won't be "tired and ready for bed when you are" until their diurnal and sleeping patterns stabilise a bit at about 3 months.

Original poster

bleachblondemom · 28/12/2020 23:13

He’s doing it again :( falling asleep in my arms and then wide awake as soon as I put him in the basket. He doesn’t do this at all during the day, I can put him down whenever I want without worrying about him waking. It’s making me dread bedtime every night, and I spend the day thinking about it and not enjoying my day with him :(

OP posts:

RedMarauder · 28/12/2020 23:18

OP your baby is perfectly normal. They take weeks and even months until they have an idea of day and night.

Relax and go with the flow. You aren't wasting the day you have a new born.

jessstan1 · 28/12/2020 23:23

Normal, we've all been there. Mine slept on my chest which gave us some sleep.

Sittinginmyoodie · 28/12/2020 23:28

It's totally normal. I still remember one night with my youngest trying to put him on the boob (He was FF from day one!) in desperation one night like this.

What helped us settling our DC at night as babies were swaddling, a dummy, putting something that smelt like us in the crib and putting the crib at an angle.

We did also tag team. I would go to bed around 8pm while DH sat up until the last feed about 11pm. I would then get up in the night. He would do any early morning feeds before heading to work.

StacySoloman · 28/12/2020 23:34

So normal, but that doesn't make it any easier!

Go to bed at 7pm and get your DH to do baby duty from 7-11, then swap. You need at least one solid 4 hour block.

My most recent baby had her fussy period from about 6pm-midnight which is obviously preferable. Rather then try to put your baby down early I would try keeping them up and feeding them from 7-11 and then take him to bed.

Things you can do to help them switch to a day/night pattern - keep all day time naps in a bright, noisy living room. Have a little bit of play time in the day so for example when the baby wakes feed them and then do a little bit of playing, tummy time, bath time etc before they sleep again. Personally I never let mine go more than 3 hours between feeds in the day so they got the bulk of their calories in the day and not night, but waking a sleeping baby is a personal choice!
Then between 11pm-7am keep everything dark and quiet, no TV or playing.

TitsOot4Xmas · 28/12/2020 23:36

Read up on the 4th trimester. Your baby should still be inside you. He doesn’t want to be in a Moses basket - he wants to be held snugly, fed on demand and to hear your heartbeat. Being against your skin regulates his temperature. It’s a biological norm. (If our cave dwelling ancestors had left babies - who were biologically the same as modern babies - alone at night they would have been eaten.).

My baby slept on me for the first 4 months. Then midnight till noon for the next 2 years. Suited us as owls and we all got plenty of sleep.

Sewsosew · 28/12/2020 23:38

I also suggest lots of daylight and fresh air. Not easy at this time of year though. Also do try and make as much difference between day and night. Music/tv on in the day and lots of quiet and dimmed lights at night, will make a difference eventually.
One of my friends also suggested no eye contact at night and then lots of attention in the day. Don’t know if that makes any difference.

MoodyMarshall · 28/12/2020 23:41

I co-slept with both of mine. Actually they're both in my bed now - they're 8 and 4 . Needless to say there's no room for me!

Babies aren't meant to sleep separately, they need to be warm and safe next to their primary caregiver. A PP said read up on fourth trimester, it's really important to understand why your baby needs you so close.

Original poster

bleachblondemom · 28/12/2020 23:42

Thank you everyone for your tips, and for being kind to me and not telling me to stop whining and get a grip 😆 I know full well this is what babies do I’m just desperate to go to bed at a normal hour.

OP posts:

Sway19 · 28/12/2020 23:43

That’s just what they do. Welcome to parenting!

StacySoloman · 28/12/2020 23:44

This time is hard but also kind of lovely, and it actually goes so fast!

You will have a life again!

lcdododo · 28/12/2020 23:48

stop saying oh but he doesn't do it in the day
stop saying well he slept well last week

This is normal. Babies change

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