Baby awake for hours at night

[bleachblondemom]

My baby is 10 days old and for the last few nights has been wide awake from about 10:30/11pm to nearly 3am. He cries and fusses and will only fall asleep on either me or DH then wakes up after about ten minutes in his Moses basket. Because he’s awake for that whole time, he realises he’s hungry sooner than he would if he was asleep, so for those 4 hours it’s just a cycle of feeding, winding and crying. Once he does go to sleep, he’s fine then for 4 or more hours. Then wakes, feeds, and back to sleep a bit more! I know it’s way too early for him to have a routine yet but I don’t know why he’s started doing this at that specific time. He is absolutely fine in the day, he doesn’t cry or show any signs of distress. Just eats, sleeps, and spends his awake time with us just looking around very happily. I’ve tried to stimulate him more in the evenings so that he’s tired and ready for bed when we are but hasn’t worked so far. Am I letting him sleep too much in the day maybe? I don’t know what else to do with him in the day as he’s too young to respond to playing.

It's counter intuitive but when babies are too tired they sleep much worse than if they aren't. The day/ night rhythm is enough to induce sleep.
So tone down the stimulation in the evening, calm routine works way better. It also helps to spend as much time as you can in natural daylight to help him establish his diurnal rhythm. If you go a walk after breakfast and before dinner that will help with that.

I can't see this has been mentioned so apologies if it has, white noise may help at night. Helped with my ds and now my 19 day old.

@bleachblondemom I mean this in the nicest possible way. You have a very new baby. They don't sleep all the time but they do sleep a lot of the time in a 24hr period. That is unlikely to be in tune with the time you want to sleep.

Unfortunately for you, this is going to be your life for at least the next 6 months but more likely much longer than that. Now is the time to get rid of any "good baby" nonsense. They're all just babies. They wake up. That's the deal.

I remember being told to expect sleepless nights, but I didn't appreciate how sleepless they actually were. Like, totally sleepless. I'm sorry OP and I know it's trite advice, but it will pass one day. I ended up co-sleeping with my first and don't regret it for a minute. Loved it actually.

Some great advice on here - especially going to bed really early if needed (like 6/7pm). We did this. DS was BF but husband would wake me to feed and then I'd go back to sleep when done. Baby would come up to bed when he came to sleep around 11 and it meant that everyone got a chunk of sleep. For the first six months, your evenings are going to be sacrificed.

It's all about developing coping strategies. Babies sleep doesn't get progressively better - it'll get better, then worse, then level out a bit, then improve a bit. My one year old doesn't sleep through the night yet and it's completely normal. In fact, neither do I - I get up in the night for a drink or a wee!

Yeah you’re right we’re gonna have to sort our sleep schedules out and revolve around him. Last night was slightly better, still struggled to get him down for a few hours but he went to sleep about half 1 rather than closer to 3 like he has been doing.

I have the same issue. She sleeps anywhere during day but has to be near me at night. Ended up giving up with Moses basket last night and letting her sleep in bed.

He’s still doing it. Tried to get him down about half 9 yesterday and got nowhere til half 1 in the morning. And he’s doing the same thing now. He’s dry, fed and winded, he falls asleep on me, then move him to his Moses basket and he screams. Or he sleeps for about ten minutes then wakes up and screams. During the day he will sleep anywhere at any time with no fuss. Same if he wakes during the night, he will go back down after a feed no problem. But for some reason from about 9/10pm to anywhere between 1am and 3am he’s horrible. I dread bedtime, it’s all I can think about all day and it’s stopping me from enjoying being with him. I just don’t understand why he’s doing it and why at this time-slot every single day. It’s not like he has these fits at different times each day, it’s always always this time-slot. There is absolutely nothing different about this time that would make him be like this.

Of course he's still doing it. He's a newborn. It's what they do. It's so common that there's a name for it - the "evening fussies". Yours is falling a bit later than most, but it happens.

Please, try to get out of the mindset that 9pm is "bedtime". A baby of this age really doesn't have a bedtime and as you're finding out, having this expectation just ends with you torturing yourself.

Let him sleep on a person. Cosleep or do shifts with your partner. Sleep in the day.

Honestly, for the first few weeks, I just dropped the concept of bedtime totally. DS would stay awake until when he wanted to and sleep when he wanted to. I tried to make sure we got out for a walk every day because I read somewhere that sunlight helps them to develop the right night/day routine but you really just have to sleep when you can (and survive on caffeine and sugar).

Have you tried some gentle swaddling? Is that still a thing? I swaddled our DD (fifteen years ago) and that helped her settle at night instead of madly waving her arms around like she was directing traffic.

Another to say totally normal and it’s a massive shock to the system first time around. It takes a while for them to get day and night. My first used to have his witching hours a similar time-from 11.30 til 3.30 her cry unless we stood up with him and rocked him and then he’d just stare at the lights on our living room. I thought it would last forever... it didn’t. Then that stopped, but he’d still wake in the middle of the night and not go back to sleep. In the end I took my laptop upstairs and watched catch up tv whilst lieing with him on my bed. Now at almost 3 he wakes us up in the middle of the night for a wee,

I know the whole co-sleeping thing is not advised, but with my first I kept trying to put her in the Moses basket etc and had the same problems as you.

With my 2nd I was too tired to make any effort. She wanted to be attached to me non stop, so I just let her sleep on top of me. She would wake for feeding every couple of hours and then would go back to sleep on me. After about a month, she started to settle and would sleep next to me and finally months later she was more than happy in the next to me crib.

Honestly if the baby is sleeping in the Moses basket or anywhere not on a person at any point in 24 hours that is amazing! Mine didn’t start sleeping in the pram for daytime naps or away from me until about 4 months - until then he napped in the sling and we co slept at night. As others have said, reading up on the 4th trimester is useful to understand things from baby’s perspective - www.carolsmyth.co.uk/breastfeeding-resources/posts/2020/august/breastfeeding-normal-baby-behaviours-in-an-abnormal-society/?fbclid=IwAR3ag38ApQGrmC1UV65xn3mgT7Az8A31VA2vbEEvIbzucXjnth5cEzcicxI Good luck OP - keep yourself hydrated and fed, and sleep whenever you can! Things will start falling into more of a routine around 4 months usually - both for naps and night time.

@jabice I co slept for first three months with both of mine. I think the advice has changed a bit? Isn’t it about following safe co sleeping guidelines. As far as I am aware, most mums do it- at least any that I’ve come into contact with have

Give him to your DH at 7 and go to bed. Swap at midnight, maybe 11pm when DH is back at work. DH can look after him and let him sleep on him etc.

Babies don’t have bedtimes until they are quite a bit older.

Alternatively co-sleep. These weeks are about survival.

Yes - because it’s much better to plan to co sleep and do it safely, than to do it ‘by accident’ because you are so tired, I think the NHS have sensibly changed the guidelines. The Lullaby Trust has helpful info www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Sorry that was in reply to @Fatas

Babies do this and you feel like you can't possibly go on, like you have to fix it otherwise you will die. But you can't fix it and you won't die. It is probably the single hardest thing you will ever do but it will pass. I remember crying with exhaustion in those first few months. Take comfort in the fact that - excepting a very few outliers who have babies who just sleep from birth - every parent has been through this and out the other side. You got this mama!

Co-signing on survival. That's all this is: getting through it. You may have to abandon your own sleep schedule entirely. So it might be that now you sleep 7pm to 2 am and 9 am to 10.30, while your DH sleeps 2 am to 7 am and 3.30-5 pm, with both up in the mornings/early afternoon. It takes a village.

PS: he's going to do it and keep doing it for a while. As PP have said, this is normal. You can't sleep train a newborn. It's horrid but it's over soon. I wish you luck!

OP you don't seem to be listto anyone when they are telling you this is normal. You arenletting yourself become obsessed with it. Its not that big of a deal. He's what, 2 weeks old? It will change eventually. Just sleep till whenever you can the next day. You keep saying "hes still doing it" but your first post was only what? 3 days ago.

This is completely normal.

At that age, babies should be awake for no longer than 40mins- to 1 hour at a time. If they end up staying up longer than that, their body releases stress hormones which then makes it even harder to get them to sleep. The other frustrating thing is, if they wake up, you pretty much have to reset the 40 mins and wait to put them down again.

I would swaddle to get him to sleep if all else failed and he would fall asleep in minutes (he hated being swaddled).

Also, regarding the Moses basket and wanting to sleep on you, my baby would only sleep on me but at 3 in the morning he would let me put him in his Moses basket for two hours.

It terrified me but, he just slept on me for the first 8 weeks of his life, I would pick him up without even knowing (he had a foot sensor for extra safety).

Babies do not develop an internal body clock for a while so have no concept of night and day. I have a almost 9 month old. I knew nothing about sleep, but went to classes and learnt so much which helped.

The good news is, by 8 weeks, you will both be sleeping much better. First couple of months are tough. I was living on 3 hours sleep a night (broken) and looking back, was probably quite delirious the majority of the time.

Congratulations on baby.

Sorry, missed out a sentence about having the same with my baby. Post didn’t make much sense.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion you must remember those early days? I think most obsess about it at the beginning and the sleep deprivation (sometimes after an extremely traumatic birth-not forgetting all the hormones) hits you like a tonne of bricks.

Op there’s some lovely supportive comments here. You will get through it, but I remember how hard it was.

Btw, second time it’s much easier x