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Original poster

To those of you who cosleep...

65 replies

GlenQuagmire · 02/12/2020 17:02

Can you tell me about it? I think I need to do it but I am absolutely terrified. I Have read that SIDS affects boys more and babies 2-4 months, which he falls into. But he wasn’t premature,
I don’t smoke or drink alcohol and I’m not a heavy sleeper. I’ll clear the bed of any bedding. But I’m so scared and would never forgive myself if something happened, but I am not sleeping at all and I am starting to get ill.

Can you tell me your experiences, both good and bad? Thanks

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 02/12/2020 17:05

We have co-slept with all of ours from birth. I made sure we had a good form mattress, wore a long sleeved pj top so I didn't get cold.

We always had a toddler bed or side sleeper attached so either the baby or I could roll over into it. As the babies got bigger they tended to sleep in the crook of my arm.

They all moved into their own beds around 2, and then just came back in in the night when they woke up.

Original poster
GlenQuagmire · 02/12/2020 17:06

Do you sleep away from the baby or are they next to you?

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 02/12/2020 17:09

They were always next to me, hence the need for the firm mattress so we didn't roll into each other.

When they were tiny I would often roll away from them once they were asleep or slide them away from me

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Joeyandpacey · 02/12/2020 17:09

Read stuff by dr James McKenna. SIDS is more likely with a baby sleeping on their own. Do you breastfeed?

pearlJ · 02/12/2020 17:11

There is a safe way to do it .. please see the following sites for up to date advice

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

There is a picture on the first one, basically the baby goes next to you, with no duvet/ pilllows etc

We love it!

Splann · 02/12/2020 17:12

For us it was a life saver. Our eldest was a poor sleeper and until we co-slept I was on my knees almost at breaking point. We co-slept with my youngest from the day he was born. It was easy, relaxing, gentle and made life pleasant.

All the risks for us were low - non smokers, little alcohol, both light sleepers and our babies were fairly big and healthy. We also have a massive bed which while isn’t necessary makes it far more comfortable. Lots of our friends and family co-slept with their babies too so we weren’t surrounded by doubters and horror stories.

Good luck x

SpikeDearheart · 02/12/2020 17:26

I have always followed the safe sleep seven - worth taking a look at. Until he was 6 months DS slept between me and the next to me crib. Now he sleeps between DH and I - we have separate duvets (DS is in a sleeping bag) and are both light sleepers, so we're comfortable with this.

Thatwentbadly · 02/12/2020 17:36

I didn’t cosleep with DD1 until she was 6 months, as I had a child section and then swapped to formula feeding. We went into her own bed just before 2 years. With DD2 I coslept with from the second night when I was still in hospital.

Emelene · 02/12/2020 17:40

An alternative view ... cosleeping (even without smoking etc etc) increases risk of SIDS by 5 times according to this research. That's why it's not recommended.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/sharing-a-bed-with-your-baby-ups-risk-of-cot-death/

Haggisfish · 02/12/2020 17:42

I used a bedside crib that we fixed to side of my bed when dc were teeny tiny.

ReindeersAreBetterThanHumans · 02/12/2020 17:44

I coslept with both of mine from being born. I still Colleen with my youngest. She’s nine. Never had any issues but I think you should check out the websites suggested above as I’m sure it will be more up to date than my advice x

jaylajayne · 02/12/2020 17:59

I think it's a tough one. Guidelines are there for a reason, and I found it difficult when midwives told me in no uncertain terms that it was not advised. However, I co-slept with all 3 of mine from the age of about 3 months, and with three under the age of 4, it has always been a case of musical beds and doing whatever we can for us all to just get sleep. We took precautions; separate duvets, I don't really drink and not a smoker, when my husband drank he slept in another bedroom, we have a big bed and I'm a super light sleeper. And a bed guard on the bed too. Always. Couple of years later and our oldest 2 are in their own beds. It's been a work in progress with my youngest, now 2, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You have to do what is right for you and your family, just be aware of the risks.

Original poster
GlenQuagmire · 02/12/2020 18:13

[quote Emelene]An alternative view ... cosleeping (even without smoking etc etc) increases risk of SIDS by 5 times according to this research. That's why it's not recommended.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/sharing-a-bed-with-your-baby-ups-risk-of-cot-death/[/quote]
See this scares the crap out of me. Maybe I won’t try it. If anything happened, my fault or not I would never forgive myself...

OP posts:
Emelene · 02/12/2020 18:24

@GlenQuagmire - I know, I feel the same. I'm not unsympathetic, I have a newborn and it is so hard. But I feel that online lots of people talk of how to bedshare "safely" - however the increased risk can be reduced but not eliminated and for me it isn't a risk worth taking.

I hope you find a solution that works for you. Thanks

Joeyandpacey · 02/12/2020 18:36

[quote Emelene]An alternative view ... cosleeping (even without smoking etc etc) increases risk of SIDS by 5 times according to this research. That's why it's not recommended.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/sharing-a-bed-with-your-baby-ups-risk-of-cot-death/[/quote]
And yet SIDS is lower in countries that co-sleep.
www.laleche.org.uk/bedsharing-breastfeeding-risk-sids/

Jobsharenightmare · 02/12/2020 18:41

It's hard isn't it if you're feeling ill and think this might help. Are there any other solutions to consider first that might make you feel better?

Do your research, get professional advice and go from there. You shouldn't be swayed by encouragement from the internet. Make an informed decision as it'll be you, not anyone here, living with the consequences either way. It's the best anyone can do!

Indoctro · 02/12/2020 18:48

Co slept with both of mine as breastfed

No issues what do ever . In fact it was a lovely time and I honestly couldn't imagine having them away from me in that first couple of years.

boys are now 4 and 6

Lelophants · 02/12/2020 18:53

Read through lullaby trust. I found that I was incredibly aware and even in my dreams I knew his exact position, everything he moved. Breastfeeding is a big must though. It saved us at 5 months.

Lelophants · 02/12/2020 18:53

Basically follow all the guidelines to a t
.

unmarkedbythat · 02/12/2020 18:55

I co slept with all of them. The first few weeks with ds1 we kept trying to get him to sleep in his moses basket or cot, having had the Co Sleeping Will Kill Your Child message hammered home to us. By that point I was so tired and sleep deprived that dropping him or falling asleep on a chair or sofa whilst feeding him was a real possibility- pretty dangerous things to be constantly risking. I brought him into our bed and kept him there and we all got 4 hours of sleep, 4 whole hours of uninterrupted sleep, and when he woke he fed and then went back to sleep and we never looked back. It was a very hot summer, so we had only a light sheet on anyway, we got rid of the pillows, bought bed guards, it was lovely.

Sitt · 02/12/2020 18:56

Re safety the reason why I coslept was that planned cosleeping where the risks were managed was much safer than accidentally falling asleep with him sitting in a chair, which was becoming increasingly likely. It was the most sensible thing to do.

Wearywithteens · 02/12/2020 18:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sitt · 02/12/2020 19:00

Really some people who think the risks of cosleeping aren’t worth taking don’t realise what alternative risks there might be if you have a baby who is not able to sleep without being next to or on their mother. The reason why the Lullaby trust have updated their advice to include cosleeping is that they had to have a realistic alternative for people who were taking greater risks by trying to avoid cosleeping at all costs. If it’s planned and the risks are managed then it is far far safer than accidentally falling asleep with them which is a realistic danger with some very wakeful babies

CaraDuneRedux · 02/12/2020 19:00

Re that study - is that the one that didn't distinguish between planned co-sleeping and accidental co-sleeping (eg on the sofa)? Or is it a more recent one?

I reckon I came damn close to suffocating DS when he was a few weeks old, when I fell asleep while sitting in bed BF - I kind of slumped forward over him. I had a few paranoid weeks of doing the 2.00 am feed on a hard wooden chair so I was too uncomfortable to fall asleep. I think it was far safer when I realised we could feed with me lying on my side, and provided my arm was in the right position I couldn't roll on him. Planned, with risks anticipated and mitigated, was safer for us than uncontrolled nodding off due to being so knackered I couldn't think straight.

ElspethFlashman · 02/12/2020 19:03

So basically I found a workaround.

I bought a cot, and took one side off. I lashed it to my bed frame at pillow level with rachet straps. Had to raise the cot legs up on hardback books to get it perfectly level.

Rolled up bath towels along the far side of the cot mattress so it was flush with my mattress.

So basically then i would co-sleep half in and half out of the cot!

It worked brilliantly because I had the advantages of feeding to sleep etc but being able to softly slide them into the middle of the cot if I was really shattered.

Also I could get very claustrophobic and touched out and extremely stressed and anxious so it mitigated that!

Think about it. Saved my mental health a bit. I ended up doing it with both babies.