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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone have experience of depression in young children?

32 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 11:12

Just that really. I have a child who I think is depressed although it has not been clinically diagnosed. Most of the time he is just a thoughtful and (unfortunately for him really) a highly intelligent child. But every so often he sinks into what I can only call depression.

It hurts me so much to see my child suffering. I am not sure what to do and I am not sure I am looking for practical advice. Mainly I just want to know if anyone else out there has experienced the same thing.

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FioFioJane · 12/07/2007 11:13

my friends son has suffered with depression. My friend was ina very abusive marriage (to his dad) and they think this may have triggered it, but after seeing a counsellor she said it would have manifested itself anyway counselling has really helped him

mumblechum · 12/07/2007 11:14

How old is he? Does he have friends at school? Has he been through anything difficult, eg a grandparent's death, etc, recently?

There is help out there, I'm sure.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 11:27

He is nine but he has been like this for at least 2 years, maybe longer. He was a solemn little boy, although happy, up until when we moved nearly 2 and a half years ago. Then he was so miserable for months - so much so he was ill with it.

He does not have many friends unfortunately. I think that is one of the problems. I dont want to make out he is some sort of genius, but he is so much brighter than children his age and does not really relate to them. It was not a problem before we moved - I think the children there had known his since he started playgroup and accepted him for what he was, in fact, he was hugely popular amongst the boys - but since we moved, making friends has been virtually impossible for him.

Apart from moving, I dont think there has been any great trauma in his life: no deaths, dh and I are happily married, he has 3 siblings and they all get on with each other. He is deadly bored at school and dh and I have been in to talk about this and the school is supposed to be addressing it, but I dont think they have done much.

Anyway, having few friends and being bored at school, however horrible that may be, would not be enough to turn every child depressed would it? I honestly think he has a propensity towards depression. I worry myself sick thinking what he might be like as a young man.

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Cortnie91 · 12/07/2007 11:33

wow i got proper emo friends like that. never work out wot is goin on wiv them.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 11:44

Now I know who you are Cortnie.

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Cortnie91 · 12/07/2007 11:52

By DumbledoresGirl on Thu 12-Jul-07 11:44:38
Now I know who you are Cortnie.

wtf?? who is this??? dumbgirl??

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 11:52

Dont push it lovey!

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Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 11:53

And don't alter the tone of this thread. This is a serious issue for me. have your laugh elsewhere and I will laugh with you, ok?

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Quiddaitch · 12/07/2007 11:54

it does sound like moving might have been very traumatic for him, then, DG.

chevre · 12/07/2007 11:57

dh's parents moved when he was that age, and i think he reacted ina similar way. he has no friends from school and talks about being a loner etc at school which is really hard to imagine now. i wish his parents had paid more attention to him at the time.

it is hard to make friend when you enter a school later on esp. if you are quiet or shy. sorry not much help.

FioFioJane · 12/07/2007 11:58

DG, thats basically what they said with my friends son. Although he had had trauma, it wasnt actually the 'root' of the problem and he would have got depressed anyway I think with the help of her gp she got counselling and it has been a long term thing. i think school helped out a bit aswell.

Its must be very distressing xxx

greenday · 12/07/2007 12:05

have you spoken to anyone in school about it? I would recommend that.
My cousin has a 9 year old son who every now and then says that he hates himself and wants to die. We're not sure if he really means it, or just a phase. But what my cousin has done is to take him seriously, give him constant reassurances and talk through his feelings with him. Also, she brought the matter up to the school councillor's attention and he's had several meetings with her. It seems to work as I guess, what's most important, is that they don't feel like their feelings are being brushed aside.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 12:09

I do think about going to the GP about it but I am not sure how bad ds2 would have to be for the GP to take me seriously. He enjoys seeing new people (adults) like the GP and would probably be bright and cheerful and ask questions about the equipment in the room and make me look like a neurotic parent.

Yet I am the one who sees him crying for no reason, and hiding under a blanket on a sunny day, watching tv. Also, I am the one who has to work out that his tummy aches and headaches have pyschological causes rather than physcial ones.

I have seen this before btw. When we were children, we moved house. My sister and I were fine, but my brother wasn't. He is also exceptionally bright and for some reason could not make friends. For the rest of his schooldays, he would have one friend at any one time and none of them were really what I would call close friends. He also suffered terrible depressions as an adult. He is OK now, but he is not married, has not had a significant relationship that I know of and, well, let's just say I would not want my ds2 to end up like him. That sounds hard, but is the truth.

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Tamum · 12/07/2007 12:10

FWIW, my parents moved when I was 9, and looking back on it, it is abudantly clear that I was properly, clinically, depressed for a good 2 years after it. I was very, very sad and kind of out of kilter with the rest of the world with very strange anxieties. I got better partly through time, but partly, I think, when my hormones settled down. I think it was a combination of moving and the onset of adolescence that did for me. None of which is any help at all other than to say that a) it is a huge advantage that you have picked up on it and b) it is possible to be a depressive child but a happy adult.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 12:11

I haven't spoken to the school about his depressions but I do take them seriously and talk to him about them. It is just so hard. I almost feel I am responsible for them. I know I am not, but at the age he is now, I am responsible for everything else about him - what he eats, what he wears etc - so it is hard to not feel responsible for his feelings.

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Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 12:13

Thanks Tamum, it is good to know that you were once depressed but happy now. I suppose at the bottom of my worries is the fear that my son will continue like this into adulthood and end up committing suicide.

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greenday · 12/07/2007 12:15

Worth mentioning to GP or school staff. My cousin's son is bright, cheerful and very sociable. You would never guess that he would says things like that about wanting to kill himself, which I suspect is the same you would feel about your son as well, since you've mentioned that he likes meeting adults and is bright/cheery and does not give any indication publicly about his inner feelings/thoughts.

Tamum · 12/07/2007 12:15

Oh DG I am so sorry, and I really don't want to make light of it. I was really pretty bad, I think, and I have been generally very happy most of my adult life. I do hope it will be the same for your ds

HufflepuffCushion · 12/07/2007 12:18

DG, my DS2 had problems with depression at a young age.
I'm happy to talk to you about it if you'd like to CAT me.
Humphrey
x

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 12/07/2007 12:19

I dont have the CAT facility but my email is
[email protected]
if you would be willing to share.

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FirenzeandZooey · 12/07/2007 12:21

DG I suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression as a child and it was not much fun. I remember feeling suicidal aged 9. In the end I went to the doctor by myself when I was about 13 and was not taken seriously. My mother also found out I had been to the doctor without telling her and she went mad. In thbe absence of any help, I self-harmed and drank to deal with it. I eventually got proper treatment when things went badly wrong when I was 19 and have struggled with it since - however not since having ds and giving up drinking. I am very happy most of the time, now.

I think the important thing is to take his feelings seriously as you are doing, and keep the lines of communication open, as you are doing. If you continue to feel concerned I would seek professional help, as depression is a toxic and corrosive illness. I hope it proves to be a temporary reactive thing caused by the move. However I agree with you that some children / people are prone to it. Now you have spotted this propensity you will be on the alert for future problems. I think this will be a great help to him - I wish I had had someone looking out for me and ready to step in and help if need be.

mozhe · 12/07/2007 12:32

DO go to your GP,( initially without your DS ), ask for a double appointment and have a really good talk through the issues....they are clearly troubling you. Children's mental health is taken very seriously and if necessary your GP could refer you to a CAMHS,( Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service ), after seeing your DS herself.
Go....you won't be wasting anyone's time, honest.

HufflepuffCushion · 13/07/2007 00:16

Have emailed you, DG.

naswm · 13/07/2007 00:31

jsutr seen this DG - I second the others who say see the GP. but also tlak to the school. Catch it early. before it becomes a bigger problems.

{{{{DG's dS"}}}}}}

barefeete · 14/07/2007 18:08

Sorry this is late DG but i have just read the thread. I have worked with CAMHS and they were absolutly excellent with the children i was working with. Although this was in a primary school environment with shcildren with autism and so slightly different but the startegies they devised support the families, teachers and importantly the children were brilliant. Hope this helps in some way.

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