Anyone have experience of depression in young children?

[DumbledoresGirl]

Just that really. I have a child who I think is depressed although it has not been clinically diagnosed. Most of the time he is just a thoughtful and (unfortunately for him really) a highly intelligent child. But every so often he sinks into what I can only call depression.

It hurts me so much to see my child suffering. I am not sure what to do and I am not sure I am looking for practical advice. Mainly I just want to know if anyone else out there has experienced the same thing.

[legalalien]

I was a "bright" child and really suffered through my school years. I wasn't bullied - and I was smart enough to engineer a group of friends sufficient that I wouldn't stand out - but I was absolutely bored to tears for much of the time. I think long term boredom can be a trigger to depression.

I agree with what MLF says re practical things to help - letting your DS know that it's OK to be "non-standard" (this is my mother's term of endearment for the wide range of quirky friends that I've brought home over the years) and try to find some things he's genuinely interested in, not necessarily with school friends, or friends of the same age or gender. When I was 13 I spent a lot of my weekends eating pizza, drinking diet coke and playing dungeons and dragons with a range of people aged 8 to 58, none of whom were family members. It was great and the best part of my week.

It may be that your DS has a propensity to depression, but I'd be a bit wary of voicing the suggestion as in my experience, putting labels on things can create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Incidentally, for anyone reading who doesn't suffer from depression but has to deal with someone who does, I'd highly recommend the book I Had a Black Dog by Matthew Johnstone, which tries to express how depression (or at least his experience of depression) feels in a pictorial way. There's a review of it and some of the pics at www.abc.net.au/newcastle/stories/s1479761.htm as well as a link to the author's own site.

[theimpsmum]

my Dd (7) is very much the same Dumbledores Girl.

My Dds has been ongoing in spits and spats for 3 years now,and with her it seems to come on at this time every year.I think its because the summer hols are coming up,and they've been busy at school.Like your son she is incredibly bright and mature for her age and although popular at school has a very small number of friends outside school,and shes doesnt see them very often and only her brother(3) to play with.

This year shes worse than usual as we have moved to the next town very recently and although I've managed to bus her backwards and forwards till this week,it's not something I can do longterm due to my son starting nursery in Sept.So whereas all her friends are starting the Junior school adjoining her Infant school in Sept ,she will be starting a new school,where she knows no one,and its also a lower school,so the majority of the children will not be new.

I have taken her to our Gp ,who although very sympathetic will not really do anything to help,just advising lots of Tlc,which she gets aplenty.It does seem to help in the short-term but like you I would like proper help,so it doesn't keep reoccurring.She is under the care of a paeditrician for monitoring of puberty so I am hoping to have a word with her at her check up next week and see if she can suggest something or perhaps refer her.

She is a very anxious and sensitive child anyway and it hurts so much to see her go into these periods of depression,when all you want is for your children to have a happy childhood.
Sorry i cant be of much help but I just wanted you to know that there are others going through the same thing.



xxx

[Countingthegreyhairs]

Hi Dumbledoresgirl, I don't have any direct experience of this but I've just called a friend of mine who does. She has a very bright son who had similar problems integrating at school after they moved countries five years ago - he was 10 at the time. He was deeply, deeply miserable and became very introverted for a long time and his parents sought treatment from a good child psychologist (it took them a good while + a shed-load of determination to find one he 'clicked' with but they got there eventually). The psychologist first advised them to take him to a GP for a thorough assessment to rule out any physical cause. Once they'd done that the treatment basically involved three things (1) encouraging him to open up and express his feelings, (2)trying to change/re-align his thought processes (3) developing positive strategies to overcome problems (4) helping my friend/his mother to deal with her own anxiety.

I've summarised the treatment below:

Expressing feelings: involved kicking a ball around a yard while talking, being encouraged to express his feelings through drawing and writing (this could be done on the computer too - whatever medium appeals most to the individual child works best), sending the therapist e-mails, keeping a journal, having a private "thought box" in his parent's bedroom in which he could post when he was distressed or at any other time

Changing/re-aligning negative thought processes: involved keeping a list of his fears, encouraging him to confront them slowly, step-by-step, then writing down in a column alongside whether the fears were justified or as bad as he had perceived them in retrospect

Developing positive strategies to overcome specific practical problems (such as making friends) involved him and the therapist coming up with some potential strategies and then visualising them, discussing potential fears and role-playing different scenarios.

Reading your thread, you come across as a really devoted and sensitive mother. Hope it works out for you.

[mylittlefreya]

He also reminds me a little of me. But, my parents did not notice, were not interested. I have, unfortunately, ended up with long term issues, but I also have a wonderful daughter and a pretty successful career.

FandZ's experience with a GP is really sad, but I do honestly think that most wouldn't be like that.

I have cousins that I have always been close to, slightly staggered generations, they are 13 years younger than me (twins). The boy sounds like your DS - and I see myself in him too. However his mum, my aunt, has managed it much better and he does now seem happy (ish) in his own skin. The things that seemed to help the most were statementing at school, so he got some different, properly hard, work. Also letting him do the things he did like. He went to a 'Dungeons and Dragons' (or whatever it's called) club and started to get to know other boys a bit like him, and I think a school chess club for a bit. And they have not pushed him to be "normal" (which it sounds like you are definitely doing with your DS - you are not making him go outside or pretend to be happy or any of that rubbish). I'm sorry if I have wittered or if I have not helped.

[flamingtoaster]

dumbledoresgirl - I hope you don't mind but I am sending you an email.

[BillWeasleyBeast]

DG he sounds like me at that age. Bright, bit of a loner, introspective, badly bullied, I also had a mother with severe depression so no-one ever noticed that things weren't right with me. Went to the docs myself at 16 diagnosis of depression, pretty clear that I'd had it for years, I'd comfort eaten myself huge and then got to 16 and pretty much stopped eating it got so bad, I was also contemplating suicide (they call it suicidal ideation). Since then I seem to go in cycles of being medicated 2 years out of ever 4. This may have been avoided if I'd had help earlier as a lot of my problems and issues lack of confidence, fear of groups etc stem from my childhood. It's great tht your friend has noticed that her son may have a problem and is prepared to help him. There are specialist services for children which she should be able to access through her gp

[pinkteddy]

Have you thought about contacting Young Minds for advice - a national charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people? They have a parents information service Tel: 0800 018 2138, Monday to Friday (not all day). Details on their website www.youngminds.org.uk

[barefeete]

Sorry this is late DG but i have just read the thread. I have worked with CAMHS and they were absolutly excellent with the children i was working with. Although this was in a primary school environment with shcildren with autism and so slightly different but the startegies they devised support the families, teachers and importantly the children were brilliant. Hope this helps in some way.

[naswm]

jsutr seen this DG - I second the others who say see the GP. but also tlak to the school. Catch it early. before it becomes a bigger problems.


{{{{DG's dS"}}}}}}

[HufflepuffCushion]

Have emailed you, DG.

[mozhe]

DO go to your GP,( initially without your DS ), ask for a double appointment and have a really good talk through the issues....they are clearly troubling you. Children's mental health is taken very seriously and if necessary your GP could refer you to a CAMHS,( Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service ), after seeing your DS herself.
Go....you won't be wasting anyone's time, honest.

[FirenzeandZooey]

DG I suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression as a child and it was not much fun. I remember feeling suicidal aged 9. In the end I went to the doctor by myself when I was about 13 and was not taken seriously. My mother also found out I had been to the doctor without telling her and she went mad. In thbe absence of any help, I self-harmed and drank to deal with it. I eventually got proper treatment when things went badly wrong when I was 19 and have struggled with it since - however not since having ds and giving up drinking. I am very happy most of the time, now.

I think the important thing is to take his feelings seriously as you are doing, and keep the lines of communication open, as you are doing. If you continue to feel concerned I would seek professional help, as depression is a toxic and corrosive illness. I hope it proves to be a temporary reactive thing caused by the move. However I agree with you that some children / people are prone to it. Now you have spotted this propensity you will be on the alert for future problems. I think this will be a great help to him - I wish I had had someone looking out for me and ready to step in and help if need be.

[DumbledoresGirl]

I dont have the CAT facility but my email is
[email protected]
if you would be willing to share.

[HufflepuffCushion]

DG, my DS2 had problems with depression at a young age.
I'm happy to talk to you about it if you'd like to CAT me.
Humphrey
x

[Tamum]

Oh DG I am so sorry, and I really don't want to make light of it. I was really pretty bad, I think, and I have been generally very happy most of my adult life. I do hope it will be the same for your ds

[greenday]

Worth mentioning to GP or school staff. My cousin's son is bright, cheerful and very sociable. You would never guess that he would says things like that about wanting to kill himself, which I suspect is the same you would feel about your son as well, since you've mentioned that he likes meeting adults and is bright/cheery and does not give any indication publicly about his inner feelings/thoughts.

[DumbledoresGirl]

Thanks Tamum, it is good to know that you were once depressed but happy now. I suppose at the bottom of my worries is the fear that my son will continue like this into adulthood and end up committing suicide.

[DumbledoresGirl]

I haven't spoken to the school about his depressions but I do take them seriously and talk to him about them. It is just so hard. I almost feel I am responsible for them. I know I am not, but at the age he is now, I am responsible for everything else about him - what he eats, what he wears etc - so it is hard to not feel responsible for his feelings.

[Tamum]

FWIW, my parents moved when I was 9, and looking back on it, it is abudantly clear that I was properly, clinically, depressed for a good 2 years after it. I was very, very sad and kind of out of kilter with the rest of the world with very strange anxieties. I got better partly through time, but partly, I think, when my hormones settled down. I think it was a combination of moving and the onset of adolescence that did for me. None of which is any help at all other than to say that a) it is a huge advantage that you have picked up on it and b) it is possible to be a depressive child but a happy adult.

[DumbledoresGirl]

I do think about going to the GP about it but I am not sure how bad ds2 would have to be for the GP to take me seriously. He enjoys seeing new people (adults) like the GP and would probably be bright and cheerful and ask questions about the equipment in the room and make me look like a neurotic parent.

Yet I am the one who sees him crying for no reason, and hiding under a blanket on a sunny day, watching tv. Also, I am the one who has to work out that his tummy aches and headaches have pyschological causes rather than physcial ones.

I have seen this before btw. When we were children, we moved house. My sister and I were fine, but my brother wasn't. He is also exceptionally bright and for some reason could not make friends. For the rest of his schooldays, he would have one friend at any one time and none of them were really what I would call close friends. He also suffered terrible depressions as an adult. He is OK now, but he is not married, has not had a significant relationship that I know of and, well, let's just say I would not want my ds2 to end up like him. That sounds hard, but is the truth.

[greenday]

have you spoken to anyone in school about it? I would recommend that.
My cousin has a 9 year old son who every now and then says that he hates himself and wants to die. We're not sure if he really means it, or just a phase. But what my cousin has done is to take him seriously, give him constant reassurances and talk through his feelings with him. Also, she brought the matter up to the school councillor's attention and he's had several meetings with her. It seems to work as I guess, what's most important, is that they don't feel like their feelings are being brushed aside.

[FioFioJane]

DG, thats basically what they said with my friends son. Although he had had trauma, it wasnt actually the 'root' of the problem and he would have got depressed anyway I think with the help of her gp she got counselling and it has been a long term thing. i think school helped out a bit aswell.

Its must be very distressing xxx

[chevre]

dh's parents moved when he was that age, and i think he reacted ina similar way. he has no friends from school and talks about being a loner etc at school which is really hard to imagine now. i wish his parents had paid more attention to him at the time.

it is hard to make friend when you enter a school later on esp. if you are quiet or shy. sorry not much help.

[Quiddaitch]

it does sound like moving might have been very traumatic for him, then, DG.

[DumbledoresGirl]

And don't alter the tone of this thread. This is a serious issue for me. have your laugh elsewhere and I will laugh with you, ok?