Anyone have experience of depression in young children?

[DumbledoresGirl]

Just that really. I have a child who I think is depressed although it has not been clinically diagnosed. Most of the time he is just a thoughtful and (unfortunately for him really) a highly intelligent child. But every so often he sinks into what I can only call depression.

It hurts me so much to see my child suffering. I am not sure what to do and I am not sure I am looking for practical advice. Mainly I just want to know if anyone else out there has experienced the same thing.

Have you thought about contacting Young Minds for advice - a national charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people? They have a parents information service Tel: 0800 018 2138, Monday to Friday (not all day). Details on their website www.youngminds.org.uk

DG he sounds like me at that age. Bright, bit of a loner, introspective, badly bullied, I also had a mother with severe depression so no-one ever noticed that things weren't right with me. Went to the docs myself at 16 diagnosis of depression, pretty clear that I'd had it for years, I'd comfort eaten myself huge and then got to 16 and pretty much stopped eating it got so bad, I was also contemplating suicide (they call it suicidal ideation). Since then I seem to go in cycles of being medicated 2 years out of ever 4. This may have been avoided if I'd had help earlier as a lot of my problems and issues lack of confidence, fear of groups etc stem from my childhood. It's great tht your friend has noticed that her son may have a problem and is prepared to help him. There are specialist services for children which she should be able to access through her gp

dumbledoresgirl - I hope you don't mind but I am sending you an email.

He also reminds me a little of me. But, my parents did not notice, were not interested. I have, unfortunately, ended up with long term issues, but I also have a wonderful daughter and a pretty successful career.

FandZ's experience with a GP is really sad, but I do honestly think that most wouldn't be like that.

I have cousins that I have always been close to, slightly staggered generations, they are 13 years younger than me (twins). The boy sounds like your DS - and I see myself in him too. However his mum, my aunt, has managed it much better and he does now seem happy (ish) in his own skin. The things that seemed to help the most were statementing at school, so he got some different, properly hard, work. Also letting him do the things he did like. He went to a 'Dungeons and Dragons' (or whatever it's called) club and started to get to know other boys a bit like him, and I think a school chess club for a bit. And they have not pushed him to be "normal" (which it sounds like you are definitely doing with your DS - you are not making him go outside or pretend to be happy or any of that rubbish). I'm sorry if I have wittered or if I have not helped.

Hi Dumbledoresgirl, I don't have any direct experience of this but I've just called a friend of mine who does. She has a very bright son who had similar problems integrating at school after they moved countries five years ago - he was 10 at the time. He was deeply, deeply miserable and became very introverted for a long time and his parents sought treatment from a good child psychologist (it took them a good while + a shed-load of determination to find one he 'clicked' with but they got there eventually). The psychologist first advised them to take him to a GP for a thorough assessment to rule out any physical cause. Once they'd done that the treatment basically involved three things (1) encouraging him to open up and express his feelings, (2)trying to change/re-align his thought processes (3) developing positive strategies to overcome problems (4) helping my friend/his mother to deal with her own anxiety.

I've summarised the treatment below:

Expressing feelings: involved kicking a ball around a yard while talking, being encouraged to express his feelings through drawing and writing (this could be done on the computer too - whatever medium appeals most to the individual child works best), sending the therapist e-mails, keeping a journal, having a private "thought box" in his parent's bedroom in which he could post when he was distressed or at any other time

Changing/re-aligning negative thought processes: involved keeping a list of his fears, encouraging him to confront them slowly, step-by-step, then writing down in a column alongside whether the fears were justified or as bad as he had perceived them in retrospect

Developing positive strategies to overcome specific practical problems (such as making friends) involved him and the therapist coming up with some potential strategies and then visualising them, discussing potential fears and role-playing different scenarios.

Reading your thread, you come across as a really devoted and sensitive mother. Hope it works out for you.

my Dd (7) is very much the same Dumbledores Girl.

My Dds has been ongoing in spits and spats for 3 years now,and with her it seems to come on at this time every year.I think its because the summer hols are coming up,and they've been busy at school.Like your son she is incredibly bright and mature for her age and although popular at school has a very small number of friends outside school,and shes doesnt see them very often and only her brother(3) to play with.

This year shes worse than usual as we have moved to the next town very recently and although I've managed to bus her backwards and forwards till this week,it's not something I can do longterm due to my son starting nursery in Sept.So whereas all her friends are starting the Junior school adjoining her Infant school in Sept ,she will be starting a new school,where she knows no one,and its also a lower school,so the majority of the children will not be new.

I have taken her to our Gp ,who although very sympathetic will not really do anything to help,just advising lots of Tlc,which she gets aplenty.It does seem to help in the short-term but like you I would like proper help,so it doesn't keep reoccurring.She is under the care of a paeditrician for monitoring of puberty so I am hoping to have a word with her at her check up next week and see if she can suggest something or perhaps refer her.

She is a very anxious and sensitive child anyway and it hurts so much to see her go into these periods of depression,when all you want is for your children to have a happy childhood.
Sorry i cant be of much help but I just wanted you to know that there are others going through the same thing.

xxx

I was a "bright" child and really suffered through my school years. I wasn't bullied - and I was smart enough to engineer a group of friends sufficient that I wouldn't stand out - but I was absolutely bored to tears for much of the time. I think long term boredom can be a trigger to depression.

I agree with what MLF says re practical things to help - letting your DS know that it's OK to be "non-standard" (this is my mother's term of endearment for the wide range of quirky friends that I've brought home over the years) and try to find some things he's genuinely interested in, not necessarily with school friends, or friends of the same age or gender. When I was 13 I spent a lot of my weekends eating pizza, drinking diet coke and playing dungeons and dragons with a range of people aged 8 to 58, none of whom were family members. It was great and the best part of my week.

It may be that your DS has a propensity to depression, but I'd be a bit wary of voicing the suggestion as in my experience, putting labels on things can create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Incidentally, for anyone reading who doesn't suffer from depression but has to deal with someone who does, I'd highly recommend the book I Had a Black Dog by Matthew Johnstone, which tries to express how depression (or at least his experience of depression) feels in a pictorial way. There's a review of it and some of the pics at www.abc.net.au/newcastle/stories/s1479761.htm as well as a link to the author's own site.