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Parenting

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Original poster

If you contemplated 3 children but stopped at 2...why?

57 replies

JL2017 · 19/07/2017 23:00

Just that really, DH and I have always contemplated 3, we have 2 DDs now (5&2) and I am wondering whether I can be bothered to try for another....

If you thought about it but opted not to (rather than being unable to) what put you off?!

We are young enough but I just don't know if I can face pregnancy/sleepless nights/cost/time of work again. Also can't leave it too long because we are both 36/37 this year.

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GingerAndTheBiscuits · 19/07/2017 23:11

Can't face another 4 years of nursery fees. Can only just meet the emotional needs of 2 and keep myself sane.

LordTrash · 19/07/2017 23:13

I have a strong and vivid memory of being at a crucial point in labour with dd2 and thinking 'I will NEVER have to do this again', and it was all that got me through.

Besides, the world seems to be tailored for families of 4. It's relatively easy to do things with 2 dc that become tricky with 3. Cars, holidays etc.

I don't regret sticking with 2 (well, not often...)

WhichJob · 19/07/2017 23:17

What Ginger said. And my second DC was an awful, awful sleeper and didn't sleep through until he was 4. I weigh six more stones as a result and it nearly ruined our marriage as we were so sleep deprived all the time. Life is easier now and we finally have a little disposable income now that our second DC is at school.

Oh and DH never wanted three so that probably helped too

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thebestthinginlifeisgrace · 19/07/2017 23:18

I had awful PND with DD2, I never want to experience it ever again

ohfourfoxache · 19/07/2017 23:24

Ds2 arrived yesterday.

I always thought I wanted 3.

Never ever going to even think about a third now! (Sore and seriously sleep deprived, I've had 5 hours sleep since Monday morning!)

Haggisfish · 19/07/2017 23:27

Time and money really. And the thought that there's always one left out in a three. And also we were very fortunate with our first two-relatively easy conception etc and would fret constantly about something going wrong.

wobblywonderwoman · 19/07/2017 23:33

Congratulations ohfour

I debated a third for a little while but have two still under 3.5 and it is hard going. The second is full on - good most of the time but guaranteed to throw a humiliating tantrum in public that I can't enjoy a day trip now. Sometimes fine but it is enough work for me. Enough washing. Enough money on childcare. They fit in the car. Easy to go on holiday.

Original poster

JL2017 · 20/07/2017 11:40

Thank you! Some good points here. I think the points that sway me / us not to are: easy to holiday, we finally sleep, disposable money and normal sized car.....then I think 'oh but i love kids'. Enough to put me off for another day though!!

OP posts:

Riversleep · 20/07/2017 11:45

I stopped due to health reasons age and reluctant DH, but actually, trying to coordinate homework and activities as well as work and childcare for two is quite challenging, and I'm not naturally organised. I'd live in complete chaos I think if I had another one to think about and they would never be able to do anything due to the cost x 3

Weebitty · 20/07/2017 11:49

I felt I'd been lucky with my two... not too many complications in pregnancy but I have a condition that worsens each time. getting older. the expense of childcare

CyrilSneer30 · 20/07/2017 11:49

This is something I think a lot about too, currently have DS1 age 2.5 and DS2 6 months. Whilst I also think it would be easier to stop at 2 - emotionally and financially - I've ALWAYS wanted three, and I don't think that feeling would ever go away? I'd always feel like something was missing. We will definitely be trying for DC3 in a couple of years because of this guess it depends how you've pictured your family in the future?

LotisBlue · 20/07/2017 11:50

I quite like the idea of three, but the reality is that we can't afford it, plus I'm not good at sharing my attention between two, never mind three dc, two of them would have to share a room (which I hated as a child), and we'd need a bigger car.

Ds is has hit the terrible twos early, plus he still doesn't sleep through the night, which has killed off any broodiness we might have been feeling.

ElspethFlashman · 20/07/2017 11:51

I know a lot of people who have 3. Their lives seemed relatively calm with 2, and now super hectic and mad with 3.

The main thing that put me off was my friend telling me that No 3 spent most of their lives in the car seat whilst she ferried 1 & 2 to their different drop off and pick up times from school and then all the swimming and Beavers etc after school.

SnowiestMountain · 20/07/2017 11:55

Financial, we have a nice life with 2, we would be really stretched with 3, if I had loads on money I'd have 6!

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 20/07/2017 11:58

I have a DD (5) and DS (2) and always thought we wanted three children, but in the last year or so my head has taken over my heart and I am happy with my lot! DH would still be keen on another, but I doubt we will do it.
My reasons are:
Don't enjoy being pregnant/childbirth/breastfeeding
I need my sleep
Just getting back into my career
I want to be able to offer my kids lots of clubs, trips away, holidays etc and as they are older I want to contribute to costs of uni, house deposit, weddings etc. I can give them that now, but a 3rd would be a push
I already feel like my time with my daughter has been diminished since her brother arrived and I would feel guilty for reducing the amount of quality time I can spend with each child
I like (selfishly) time for myself to relax and I like peace and quiet and an 'ordered' home, and think adding another baby/child would tip the balance
I like having a spare bedroom(!)

I still sometimes get the odd pang of broodiness as I love babies and I love watching my children develop into individuals and helping them to learn about the world etc, but I think this is made worse by seeing my friends start their families and the excitement that brings, as we had our children younger than our peers (32 now).

ChilliMum · 20/07/2017 11:59

I am really sick during pregnancy and then had complications after both births. I would have done it again but dh said he couldn't which is fair enough as I am basically no use for a year and he has to do pretty much every thing.

I felt sad for a while but the youngest is now 6 and I am glad we stopped at 2. We are really getting our lives back now, both kids can cycle, ski, swim etc.. and we have loads of fun with them. If we'd had a third we would just be toilet training now, still paying nursery fees and probably still knackered!

It works well for 1 on 1 time too, 1 parent 1 child or if they have clubs, activities at the same time we can do both between us.

I am sure we would have made it work with 3 but I think 2 is logistically easier

DreichAgain · 20/07/2017 12:00

Age and fitness.

It took me ages to have a successful pregnancy second time around. I felt I'd been lucky and shouldn't push it any further and so wanted to focus on the two I had.

Maybe if I had started younger or been fitter along the way, but I made it look hard iyswim!

bingolittle · 20/07/2017 12:01

First kid had a lot of issues and was a very difficult baby/toddler.

Still had second kid (thankfully a lot more easygoing).

But didn't have the emotional / energy resources for a third, especially if it was like the 1st!

DH was still on for a third. I told him he would have to change jobs and do more actual parenting if that was what he wanted. Then we had another toddler to stay overnight for a visit, and after we put the 3 of them to bed I just looked at him flaked out on the sofa and said, "So, you still want a third, then?"

Never mentioned again.

I have no regrets. Different families have different needs and different resources to meet them with. I couldn't be such a good parent to my 2 if there was a 3rd. I am working at capacity already and they would lose out.

Piffpaffpoff · 20/07/2017 12:03

Because I was 38 when I had dc2, both were healthy, so was I and we decided we should be happy with what we've got. Never regretted it tbh.

Longdistance · 20/07/2017 12:03

Dd1 was a nightmare sleeping, and eating. Dd2 was a dream. Dd2 was planned as a I didn't just want one. Didn't get to no 3 as I wasn't bothered by that point, as found it hard work.

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 20/07/2017 12:04

GentlyGentlyOhDear, I could have written that myself, well apart from the pregnancy/breastfeeding ... i didn't mind that too much.

I'd be terrified that after being lucky enough to have easy pregnancies and 2 happy healthy children, that we'd be pushing our luck with a third.

Still, the idea does cross my mind on occasion and if it happened accidentally we would manage. It's a very tough decision either way.

Not quite ready for the DH to get the snip though perhaps in 2-3 years time, I'm 37 next week.

stitchglitched · 20/07/2017 12:08

Main reason, severe HG during pregnancies. It took me 6 years to go through with having number 2! Additional factors, when I forget how ill I was and start to get broody- DC1 has autism and it would be unfair to him and detrimental to the amount of support and attention I could give him, money, space (they currently have a bedroom each and DC1 can't share), I had rotten pnd and anxiety after DC2 and she is currently the toddler from hell. I like that there is currently the same ratio of adults to kids and the idea of trying to deal with an extra one stresses me out!

Bobbybobbins · 20/07/2017 12:12

I would love a third with my heart but my head say no - 38, eldest has suspected ASD, just getting a normal amount of sleep again!

thecakefairy · 20/07/2017 12:12

I was sick with both of mine right up until the day I had them.
This is manageable with the first, as you could just rest and lie on the sofa, then with number 2, I was even worse and found it so hard to cope. I was really down in the dumps and miserable.
My body felt awful too and I started to have stomach problems, bleeding etc.
That was it for me. Originally, I thought 4 would lovely!

LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 20/07/2017 12:17

I always wanted 2, but then wanted a 3rd after having DS2! We discussed it and agreed we would try in so many months time. Then he changed his mind, but there was no discussion, just that was that! I know he had the right to change his mind, but that really hurt.

Now I'm nearly 40, he left me 4 months ago, but I have started seeing a good friend, who has 1 child, and the thought of having 3 kids seems like a possibility which makes me so happy! So I'm glad things worked out like they did in the end!

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