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Original poster

If you contemplated 3 children but stopped at 2...why?

57 replies

JL2017 · 19/07/2017 23:00

Just that really, DH and I have always contemplated 3, we have 2 DDs now (5&2) and I am wondering whether I can be bothered to try for another....

If you thought about it but opted not to (rather than being unable to) what put you off?!

We are young enough but I just don't know if I can face pregnancy/sleepless nights/cost/time of work again. Also can't leave it too long because we are both 36/37 this year.

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KERALA1 · 20/07/2017 12:18

We were both desperate for 1 and 2. Found ourselves mulling and prevaricating over 3, like you are now before we realised that surely every child of ours should be really wanted and if we were deliberating about it that wasn't good enough.

Plus couldnt face starting all over again, pregnancy, birth, no sleep, weaning, biff and bloody kipper. Then dh brothers baby died and dh was there supporting them when it happened which traumatised him so much he refused to contemplate throwing the dice again as ours both healthy.

Really glad we stopped at 2 ours primary age now and we can do a lot with them as a family as similar age we travel a lot.

InDubiousBattle · 20/07/2017 12:23

I very much want a third but dp doesn't so we're sticking with two. Main reasons are:
-Money. This is the biggie for us. We're reasonably comfortable now but we rent and want to buy. A third would delay me returning to work and delay buying further.
-We can offer two more by way of music lessons/activities etc than three. I suppose that's money too.

I didn't have a great pregnancy with dd and dp had to take up a lot of the slack. Not sure we could do it again.
We have very little support. My sister will babysit 3/4 times a year, for which we're very grateful, but that's it. No grandparents nearby that are willing and able to help out.
The world is made for 4, cars, holidays, houses etc

I feel that we could manage but dp doesn't so that's that really.

Seachangeshell · 20/07/2017 12:41

Two main reasons:
Money. Would have to buy a bigger car, possibly think about moving. Couldn't afford the childcare and I have to work.
I want some of my life to myself. I've got lots of hobbies and want to pursue different things in my life. Having three kids would exhaust me and I wouldn't have time for anything else

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WaxOnFeckOff · 20/07/2017 12:49

I had two 13 months apart. That basically killed the idea of a 3rd!

Also, I have two hands so it made sense that I could only hold onto two children. :o

Two is definitely easier in terms of cars/holidays etc. My niece has 3 and it's a nightmare getting a hotel room at an airport etc I don't know many people with three. It tends to be either two or four for some reason.

PuckeredAhole · 20/07/2017 13:00

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. I'm happy with my 2.

PuckeredAhole · 20/07/2017 13:04

I know at least 3 families within my wider family who have 3 children. They are my and my dh's cousins and every one of those third children were happy accidents.

Aebj · 20/07/2017 13:05

We said we wanted 3. Ds2 was born with a hole in his heart. Which if you are going to have a problem with your heart , he had the easiest form to fix. It's fixed but he has a pacemaker and is austic. Although we cope as a family of 4 we didn't want to throw another child into the mix.
We are happy

CleverNever · 20/07/2017 13:18

I'd love another baby (I love the baby stage despite neither dc sleeping through before 16 months) and I quite like the idea of 3 adult children, but I simply don't want to have to actually raise 3 kids over the next 18-odd years or deal with the logistics of 3 (3 sets of activities to pay for and ferry children to once they're older, 3 kids to get sick at the same time, potentially 3 schools/nurseries if one child's needs are different to the others) or the cost. I like that we can afford holidays and to go out without thinking too much about it. And I like that our days of nursery fees will end in the next few years. Ours are 7 and 2.5 and life is getting easier in some ways (end of nappies, work getting slowly back on track for me etc) but more complicated and expensive too. I often find myself stretched to my personal limit in terms of patience and energy, and a third child would be a huge challenge for me.

AmyGardner · 20/07/2017 13:36

I always thought we'd have three, until we had two.

Then I knew we were at our limit in terms of money, energy, attention.

currantbunsinthebakersshop · 20/07/2017 13:58

Well our second was stillborn and then I had another, so I've had three full term pregnancies but two children at home. My reasons are

-couldn't psychologically handle another high risk pregnancy
-already feel guilty for not spending as much time with eldest and that would only get worse
-I'm from a family of 2 kids and liked it
-I'd be worried about baby having health issues and the impact it would have on the family
-I have only had girls but neither me nor husband have a longing for a boy (and we probably wouldn't get one anyway

LotisBlue · 20/07/2017 15:05

I'm sorry for your loss currantbun

HottySnanky · 20/07/2017 15:10

I couldn't face another pregnancy. Not that I had complications the first two times, but just... being heavily pregnant and chasing TWO other children, I couldn't do it again.

Breastfeeding. I'd want to breastfeed again but I've done three years of it and I've had enough.

Then the weaning, the naps, the STUFF, the money, the house space, the emotional demands, the potty training... DD2 has just turned 2 and we rarely use the buggy. She's just dropped her daytime nap. She's just gone into her toddler bed. She'll start potty training at some point in the next year. She'll be going to nursery in another year. DD1 is about to start school. I'm looking into retraining and going back to work full time. I've been very lucky that I've been able to stay at home while they've been tiny but I need to get back into work, for my own sanity as much as anything. I feel like we're almost through the fog of the early years and I never ever want to go back, as lovely and milky and cuddly as it was. And I had two good sleepers.

QuietNinjaTardis · 20/07/2017 15:19

There's no way I could have hyperemesis with 2 kids. I hated being pregnant. It's hell. If I could skip that bit then maybe I'd consider it but my two are quite a handful so I like knowing I have the time and space to look after them.

QuietNinjaTardis · 20/07/2017 15:20

Plus I never have to change a shitty nappy again. Yay! unless I volunteer when my baby nephew is born

WellTidy · 20/07/2017 15:26

I had it in the back of my mind to maybe try for a third, which DH would have been up for, and then we realised that DC2 has special needs. Those needs are time consuming, exhausting and expensive to address. They change our whole family dynamic. We couldn't have brought another child into the mix without it having a much, much larger (detrimental, really) effect on DC2 that it would have if he didn't have SN and it didn't seem DS fair to DC1 who was already having to adjust and compromise more than he would otherwise have had to. And we were knackered, traumatised, sad and a bit lost, really.

BlazeofLight · 20/07/2017 15:29

Interesting. I have two and I am torn about having a third.

I love pregnancy but had one baby in the NICU for ten days, and they were terrible terrible sleepers. Now the youngest is two I am starting to get my energy back, starting spend more time with my husband and really enjoying doing things with my kids.

Intellectually I think I will be sad about not having more (I always dreamt of 4), but I fear going back to the baby stage would be horrible for the whole family. (But part of me still wants to!)

Haudyerwheesht · 20/07/2017 15:32

Mainly pregnancy - I hate it and had severe hyperemesis with ds. We don't have family or anything nearby so it'd be a nightmare.

Also, I had my kids in my mid twenties and by the time I was considering a third I was almost 30 and just felt like I was too old (personal opinion of how I felt no judgement etc etc etc).

Money!

Haudyerwheesht · 20/07/2017 15:34

Oh and also - I'm one of 3 and I'd never have 3. So if I had a 3rd I'd need to have a 4th

Strokethefurrywall · 20/07/2017 16:15

I was one of 3 and loved being one of 3 and to me it was the perfect number. I remember holding DS2 in my arms the moment he was born and my second thought being "please God don't let this be my last!" - I was desperate for a 3rd, asked DH to please not tell me no (he was happy with 2) as I wanted to come to terms with it myself after so many years of wanting 3.

But now that DSs are coming up for 6 and 3.5, the idea of going back to the start makes me shudder and thankfully over time and watching the boys get older makes me realise that there is nobody "missing" from our family. We are great as we are.

Plus, from a totally vain point of view, I came out of both my pregnancies unscathed and unchanged physically and I reckon a 3rd would wreck my body frankly.

I also have my life back as a person, enjoy a great social life, weekends away, full time career and we're comfortable - a third now would change our family dynamic totally and now I don't think it would be in a good way.

I do still have a fictional 3rd baby boy in my head though, but I'm happy to keep him there.

Pibplob · 20/07/2017 16:30

Money and space. We just don't have enough of either of them to justify a third!

bluechameleon · 20/07/2017 19:08

I've always wanted 2 and my DH wanted 3. I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and absolutely hating it. There's no way I'm doing this again! I'm also getting on a bit and money would be tight with 3. So all in all I think I'm going to win this one.

maamalady · 20/07/2017 21:26

I wanted three before I had any. Then infertility and great good fortune successful IVF to have DD1. We idly hoped for a second, but never really thought it possible as conception had been so hard. Then the surprise natural conception of DD2 was a huge shock as well as completely wonderful.

We are not trying for a third, because I had horrific PND with DD2, and I don't want to be that person again. She was a difficult baby, but although now opinionated and stroppy at 15 months, I love her down to the ground. I spent a lot of time not loving her, and it frightens me to think that I may feel that way about her again or another baby the same way.

Also the car/trips out/holiday/cost issues previously mentioned! Also we would probably not manage another miracle conception, and I don't want to get my hopes up. DH categorically doesn't want another, and when I'm feeling rational I agree with him. There's a part of me that is desperate for a newborn (maybe partly because I felt/feel deprived of lovely newborn times with DD2, because of her constant screaming and my PND), but there's nothing to say I won't feel exactly the same way after having another anyway.

I have two healthy children, it is incredible good fortune. We are stopping while the going's good.

CyrilSneer30 · 21/07/2017 09:28

Must stop reading this thread before it puts me off DC3!

DreichAgain · 21/07/2017 11:46

Try starting an thread called why having 3 is great!

The replies would naturally be totally different.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 21/07/2017 21:06

Would love another, but DH is quite a bit older and we only have a 3 bed/money tight already...

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