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Parenting

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Original poster

Got judged in public today. Not a big deal but.....

55 replies

gaggiagirl · 15/02/2016 20:48

Urgh. Doesn't feel good.
My 5yo DD refuses to wear hat/gloves/scarves/jumpers/long sleeves/jeans/tights/wellies/snowsuit/waterproof suit and most socks.
Even if I put them on her, after the hysterics, they wont stay on. It ruins days out. I dread cold days because I cant get her to wear the right clothes and then she cries because she's cold or wet.
Anyway. Walking across a busy road in the snow with inappropriately attired child a man stopped me. I thought he was going to admire DS in his buggy..... No. "why haven't you put a hat on that lassy?" He said.
What can I do??? People are always giving me looks. I know it doesn't look good but what do I do?. I'm exhausted by it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hiphophippity · 15/02/2016 20:50

Sorry that happened to you. Shamelessly marking my place as my DD1 is exactly the same, and it drives us all around the bend. My DM thinks I should take her to a child psychologist to find the "root" of her fear of restrictive clothing?!? But DM tends to get carried away...
You have my sympathy

RandomMess · 15/02/2016 20:51

If you took the hat with you once she was cold would she put it on?

I'm guessing that she has sensory issues and doesn't like the feel of those clothes though

FetchezLaVache · 15/02/2016 20:54

I too feel your pain- DS hates wearing a coat because he finds them too restrictive. He does have sensory issues, but obviously I don't know whether that's the case with your daughter. Not much help, I'm afraid, but at least you know you're not alone!

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5 year olds Families General parenting

RiverTam · 15/02/2016 20:54

DD is often out without that kind of stuff, it's not that cold (unless you're in Canada or something!)

I know that in Russia people tell parents (usually non-Russians) off if their kids aren't properly dressed for the cold!

sunnydayinmay · 15/02/2016 20:59

Does she have other sensitivities? Is it just that they feel too tight? Maybe experiment with different trousers etc? Instead of gloves, I used to heat up one of those microwave heated teddies for ds to carry to keep his hands warm.

(Sensory issues are draining, I know).

Cupoftchaiagain · 15/02/2016 21:01

I have a coat refusing child (almost 4). I am often seen carrying the coat 'for show' as in look, I am not completely neglectful, she does have a jacket.
I don't think she has sensory issues, she is just being a child. She insists for example that no jacket is better for running in the wind. I have to say I admire her!

Cupoftchaiagain · 15/02/2016 21:03

That said, dd does not like rain for example and will ask for coat on and hood up, so she does wear it if she is getting coldand miserable . Does your girl never wear jacket etc even when she is actually feeling the cold?

Believeitornot · 15/02/2016 21:03

My dd is similar but is getting better

We were at the park today and it was freezing. Dd running about with no coat, hat or scarf on.

Her hands were cold - I could see they were so I persuaded her to put her gloves on. That's basically how I've managed to get her to accept she's cold - point out her discomfort and tell her it is because she is cold.

But as soon as she warms up, she whips them off again

I've given up the loud parenting, where I ask her loudly when others are clearly judging "do you want your coat dd?"

But dd does get hives when she gets too hot so I accept that she doesn't like the heat

Believeitornot · 15/02/2016 21:06

I have noticed however that dd is fussy about certain clothes - if she can feel the labels. She doesn't like "scratchy" clothes. I don't put them down to sensory issues - just that she is a bit fussy or has sensitive skin? She does prefer to be naked.

LBOCS2 · 15/02/2016 21:13

DD refuses to wear layers, or gloves, or a hat, or any appropriate clothes because she's absolutely bloody minded she's three.

I take a jumper or fleece out with me for her, and offer it to her when she inevitably gets cold - she takes it. I don't really care what other people think - they can deal with the 25 minute tantrum with her if they like, I have things to do and can't be doing with it.

Ooof35 · 15/02/2016 21:17

Sympathies from a fellow mum with a DC with sensory issues and clothes refusal- it's exhausting.
Really no advice, other than to accept that people will generally make a fuss if they aren't seen to be dressed appropriately for the weather, but you just have to shrug it off. They really will ask for a cost when it's beyond bearable (or throw a tantrum and blame you!) I also get constant "advice" on how to train my DC to eat at mealtime, when I have tried for 6 years to work with the reluctance and fussing, mostly unsuccessfully!

Tinofsardines · 15/02/2016 21:17

I had an old dear say similar to me the other week.

Dd is a coat refuser. Freezing cold getting a trolly at Asda an she pointed out how great a mother I was for ensuring I was "wrapped up warm" whilst my "poor little thing froze."

I held out the coat and told her she was, ' welcome to try...'

pumpkinbutter · 15/02/2016 21:22

I have a 5yo who refuses to acknowledge winter exists and I regularly get judged. I put out the warm clothes, force her into them and turn my back and she has stripped and is wearing a summer skirt, vest top and flip flops! I have a set of warmish clothing I know she will wear at about -3 point in temp, in the car. Today we went out to dinner in the freezing and she wore shorts, t-shirt and sandals. I got looks/glares and snide comments when people walked past. I let it wash over me now, she will complain and change if she really feels cold.

janethegirl2 · 15/02/2016 21:24

I was in Argos yesterday and there was a child around 6 yo wearing leggings and a t shirt and it was snowing outside. Mum said to me she wouldn't wear anything else but we agreed that late teens go out wearing much less to clubs etc so it wasn't life threatening. Just let them wear what they want......it's not worth an argument!

MrsDeVere · 15/02/2016 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mygrandchildrenrock · 15/02/2016 21:31

At what point is it worth an argument though? I work in a school and we have some children arrive wearing inappropriate clothing because 'that is all they would put on' and we are given a bag full of school clothes to put on them!

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 15/02/2016 21:34

She was wearing a very light fleece thingy today. She was wearing earmuffs for about a second but they started causing 'issues'. I dont know if she has sensory problems or she's just being a contrary little thing.
I'm laughing out loud at carrying a show coat and shouting about wearing winter clothes. I do that. Just yesterday walking out side in full performance parent volume " if only you would wear your hat and coat you wouldn't cry but you wont will you" just so complete strangers can stop judging me
Thing is though she does get cold. She cried all the way through the park about having cold hands and still wouldn't accept her bastard mittens!!!!!!!

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 15/02/2016 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleaty · 15/02/2016 21:37

Some carry this into adulthood. My DP rarely seems to feel the cold and will walk about in a thin top while I am freezing in a big warm coat.

Also surely its not sensory issues not to like labels in clothes or scratchy jumpers? I am like that. I take the labels out of all my pants. But doesn't mean I have sensory issues.

skankingpiglet · 15/02/2016 21:37

I have a hat and mitten-refusing 20mo. Sometimes she refuses coats and jumpers too. I take them out with us and offer periodically to put them on her. She rarely accepts. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have ever been able to get her in a hat. She's a summer baby born in a heat wave so I didn't try to use one for the first few months. I still wonder if that's where I went wrong. I often feel people are judging me, but short of duck taping them on, I don't know what I can do!
Looking at all these other posts there are obviously a lot of us in the same boat. That makes me feel a bit better

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 15/02/2016 21:40

MrsDV no diagnosis no. Her issues are mainly the seams/labels/patterns on clothing not being right or digging in etc. She claims her clothes and shoes dont fit. She cried hysterically then wet herself in fury when I forced her into a snow suit last year. Jeans and socks just get pulled straight off. I dont know really how normal that behaviour is.

OP posts:

Shesinfashion · 15/02/2016 21:41

She'll grow out of it. Ignore nosey old codgers who interfere.

RudeElf · 15/02/2016 21:41

I have the opposite problem in that my DS refuses to take his pyjamas off before getting dressed. Nothing to do with being cold, the house is toasty and i have his clothes on radiator and tell him to change under his duvet. He just wont take them off. Takes them off fine for bath time though not really noticeable when out and about but looks odd in school when you can see his checked PJ shirt poking out the top of his school polo shirt.

cleaty · 15/02/2016 21:42

Is it a comfort thing RudeElf? Nice soft pyjamas can feel very comforting.

RudeElf · 15/02/2016 21:51

I reckon so. It just started a few weeks ago. He is 6. Initially i fought it but now i'm just letting it go.

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