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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you let your 11 year old boy dress in clothes you personally dislike?

59 replies

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 10:42

My son turns 12 in a few weeks time. He has been pestering dh and I for some new clothes as his present. Yesterday as requested, I took him to the local market so he could buy a pale blue tacksuit and a Loony Tunes T shirt.

The tacksuit is huge and he wears the trousers hung low well under his waist so they are very baggy. He is pleased as punch. I think he looks ridiculous. He also likes wearing a baseball hat placed very precariously on one side of his head and a large fake gold watch (till it broke). He says it is the latest look amongst his friends.

It is not to my taste at all but as there is nothing unsuitable or offensive about the clothing, and it is his birthday present, I have let him have his way. His other clothes tend to be sporty labels - baggy t shirts and tracksuit bottoms. That's his style (don't like it much but hey ho that's me).

On a purely vain and selfish point of view, I would much rather he adopted a slightly grungy, indie, skateboarder look but he thinks this look is really naff.

Should I keep on letting him have final say when we go clothes shopping and was I right to let him choose this tracksuit as his birthday present?

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noddyholder · 02/04/2006 10:47

I have an 11 yr old too who is suddenly fashion crazy.He is really into skateboarding so that is just as well as the clothes he is choosing are really nice and I like them I think you have to let them have their own style at this age.My ds won't tie his shoelaces and his trousers are hanging off too but I turn a blind eye

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 10:47

DS1 (14 next month) dresses v badly, lots of nylon sportswear. Tried buying him nicer but still trendy stuff but he just doesn't wear it. TBH, I'm happy to let him dress as he does 90% of the time, do ask him to wear something a bit less chavvy (he likes the term, ) when we are going out to lunch or whatever. His clothes are not revealing, they don't have obscene messages on them and they are in good condition, so it's just a matter of personal taste.

DS2's (12.5) dress sense is much better

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 10:48

Noddy, DS2 is a skater. Lots of Quiksilver, Animal, O'Neill etc stuff in his wardrobe.

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noddyholder · 02/04/2006 10:50

My ds says there are 3 tribes at school chavs goths and skaters I am glad he has chosen the skater option although it is basically just what I used to dress him in anyway but three times the price.We are inundated with quicksilver hawk etc have even tried to squeeze my big knockers into a few of the bigger t shirts!

winnie · 02/04/2006 10:50

Oh tigermoth, if you see the thread about when children take responsibility you will see that I have been having problems with dd. One of the issues is clothes. She goes out in the most inappropriate clothes. I loathe them. I preferred the Goth to the tart... I know the feeling of thinking your child looks 'naff'. I am not sure what the answer is. Dd has only been like this in the last year and it has caused many a row. Until the clothes became extremely provocative I tended to not say too much in the hope I'd not make things worse. You have my sympathies anyway ... the growing up and making a statement about themselves is hard on parents :)

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 10:52

winnie, I'd much rather be having the tasteless nylon sportwear battle than the OMG you look like a streetwalker battle. Thank G my DD is still only 3.5 !

Noddy - DSs say similar about their school.

winnie · 02/04/2006 10:54

Ndp, the irony is at 3.5 dd was a clthkits girl who acted like Saffy in ABFAB!!

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 10:55

Oh great ! DD loves pink and girly atm.

oops · 02/04/2006 10:55

it is all about letting go, bit by bit.
Fwiw, i think you were right to let him have what he wanted, and def would agree re the indie look

but he needs to be his own person... i am sure you wanted to wear stuff your mum didn't like when you were younger..
sorry he chose the wrong look tho'
lol at the fake gold watch!

Freckle · 02/04/2006 10:57

DS1 (12) still seems happy to let me choose his clothes for him. We did go clothes shopping the other week to get stuff for his trip to Mexico (he went yesterday - eek!) and I just picked out bits, asked him if he wanted it and he generally said yes. To be honest, I haven't yet noticed a trend or style amongst his friends so maybe DS1's taste in clothes will only become more focussed when his friends start wearing particular stuff.

I did have words with him on Thursday when we went into town (Baker day) and he insisted on wearing the hood of his fleece up. I told him I wasn't prepared to go around with him looking like ASBO boy. Mind you, he might have objected to going round with a mum who looks like I do.

So, to answer your question, I think I would let him wear what he wants (and hope that he gets better taste as he matures) but just not be seen with him in public!

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 10:58

DS1 looks like a member of \link{http://www.efestivals.co.uk/festivals/titp/2004/photos-GoldieLookinChai5.shtml\Goldie Lookin Chain}

spacedonkey · 02/04/2006 10:58

oh tigermoth, your post really made me laugh!

You were right, yes. But I agree with you, I'd be mortified if my ds started wearing ridiculous outfits.

Having said that, ds insisted I give him a (frankly ridiculous) "emo" haircut (shaved up the back but long at the front).

It's important to let them choose their own clothes and express themselves in the way they want (as long as it's within the bounds of decency).

He'll grow out of it!

Freckle · 02/04/2006 11:00

How do schools get "looks"? Do they not have a uniform? Or is it possible to adapt the uniform to conform to a certain look?

NomDePlume · 02/04/2006 11:02

It's possible to adapt - hairstyles, shoes, bag styles.

spacedonkey · 02/04/2006 11:09

and esoteric "rules" regarding the width and length of ties

JoolsToo · 02/04/2006 11:10

they did!

Freckle · 02/04/2006 11:12

At DS1's school there is a strict school rule regarding length of ties. The tie has diagonal stripes and the rule is they must have 7 blue stripes showing - no more, no less. So not much room for individuality there then!

Carmenere · 02/04/2006 11:12

Tigermoth - I think I met your lovely son at Essbees last Surrey meetup? Very goodlooking and very well behaved - that was him wasn't it?. As far as the clothes are concerned I think that you should allow him to dress as ridiculous as he wants but remember it is vital to take photos as they will make invaluable embarrasing material when he is older

Original poster

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 12:05

no, it was my youngest son (age 6) you saw - I still have some say in how he dresses, thank goodness.

mulling over comments :) will be back later.

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Original poster

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 21:12

freckle, in answer to your question, yes I think there is some room for individual style at my son's school.

They can choose what sort of bad weather jacket they wear over their blazer and what sort of back pack they have for their books. My son has got definite views on what is or isn't cool regarding both these items. And after the first day, he started undoing the top button of his shirt and wearing his tie so it looked very short (almost like a cravat). Again, he was copying the apparently 'cool' students.

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Original poster

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 21:21

winnie I will look at your thread.

You are right, it's the naffness that bothers me but logically it is comes down to taste wars - nothing intrinsically wrong about ds's choice of clothing, just my own prejudices and idea of what looks good.

noddyholder and nomdeplume I wish your sons could meet mine and convince him he is wrong, wrong, wrong!

We are off to Devon for easter. I have a feeling that my son's cool South East London clothes will look a lot less cool on holiday, where a skateboard/surfboard style seems to dominate. Should be interesting....

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threebob · 02/04/2006 21:25

If it's not offensive or expensive, just a bit silly - then yes, I think you should let him. I wore some very silly things as a teenager - now I wear nice things and think my mum looks awful - so how good really would my mum have been at choosing my outfits.

My teenage pupils come to lessons in some really revolting stuff - but come exam time they dress conservatively and look fine.

SorenLorensen · 02/04/2006 21:28

Oh dear...I have this to come don't I? Ds1 (just 9) has, up until now, been completely uninterested in clothes...until the ILs bought him an England Home and an England Away shirt for his birthday. Shiny nylon . And of course now that is all he wants to wear - whereas I have always been of the opinion that sports attire is for...well, er...sports.

I know dh and I have both said in the past, when seeing kids out and about dressed in shiny nylon tracksuits with the bottom of the legs tucked into white sports socks atop a pair of huge white trainers, "Gawd...hope he's a skater/goth/grunge...anything but that look..."

Thanks to your post, tigermoth, I will start making mental preparations for him to start wearing chunky gold Elizabeth Duke chains around his neck and various shades of nylon sports wear...

I agree though - you have to let them wear what they want, even if it offends your sensibilities, though I would draw the line at blatantly offensive logos. I remember a boyfriend with a "Cool as F---" Inspiral Carpets' T-shirt that his Mum refused to wash...seems quite innocent now.

I also remember several occasions when my Dad refused to walk next to me on the street...a pair of denim cut offs with all my @rse hanging out (though I did wear opaque black tights and 14 eyelet DM boots with them, for modesty) iirc

Bozza · 02/04/2006 21:31

Agree with others that you have to go with it tigermoth (ufortunately ). DS is only 5 but I sometimes despair at is dress sense - he is allowed to select his own clothes to change into after school. He would love a cartoon character on every item but I restrict these to pjs and pants. DD also vain but would wear a cardigan with everything - amazingly good at pronouncing the word "cardigan" for a 1yo.

7up · 02/04/2006 21:32

ive got an 11year old ds who mainly wears lowslung tracky bottoms and sweatshirts and trainers, he likes to wear his silver chunky bracelet and diamond ring (not real!)to match the ear ring, he obviously calls it bling. hes now told me he wants his head shaved on no.2 and a pattern shaved over the back of his head.

i find it quite amusing, he spends more time than i do in the bathroom so glad hes bothered about what he looks like, bless him

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