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Original poster

Would you let your 11 year old boy dress in clothes you personally dislike?

59 replies

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 10:42

My son turns 12 in a few weeks time. He has been pestering dh and I for some new clothes as his present. Yesterday as requested, I took him to the local market so he could buy a pale blue tacksuit and a Loony Tunes T shirt.

The tacksuit is huge and he wears the trousers hung low well under his waist so they are very baggy. He is pleased as punch. I think he looks ridiculous. He also likes wearing a baseball hat placed very precariously on one side of his head and a large fake gold watch (till it broke). He says it is the latest look amongst his friends.

It is not to my taste at all but as there is nothing unsuitable or offensive about the clothing, and it is his birthday present, I have let him have his way. His other clothes tend to be sporty labels - baggy t shirts and tracksuit bottoms. That's his style (don't like it much but hey ho that's me).

On a purely vain and selfish point of view, I would much rather he adopted a slightly grungy, indie, skateboarder look but he thinks this look is really naff.

Should I keep on letting him have final say when we go clothes shopping and was I right to let him choose this tracksuit as his birthday present?

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spidermama · 02/04/2006 21:34

I have enough trouble trying to get my 4 year old to wear the clothes I've bought him. I don't anticipate having any say at all once they're over 9.

I remember my mum telling me I looked ridiculous (back-combed hair, shaved at sides, dyed black, eye liner etc etc - awful) but I didn't give a toss what she thought. I mean, you'd be doing something seriously wrong if your mum approved of your clothes choices at that age wouldn't you?

Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 07:53

sorenlorenson, it was the purchase of his first shiny football shirt that helped send ds down this sartorial route. He told me he needed it for sports, but then started wearing it whenever he could.

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WideWebWitch · 03/04/2006 08:04

God I sympathise. Ds has, until quite recently, refused to wear proper trousers with buttons in favour of nasty synthetic type trousers with elasticated waists. Thank goodness he's just decided he prefers proper combats/cords/jeans because he noticed that these are what dh/ex dh/the trendier children at school wear. It's a hard one, isn't it? Can you shop online and buy compromises so you get to steer in him the direction you want? I think it does affect you (one, I mean) if your children wear clothes you think send out an unpleasant message and so I think you should have say in it tbh.

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FrannyandZooey · 03/04/2006 08:09

I don't think you can expect to (nor should) choose your child's clothes at this age. Hard, isn't it?

WideWebWitch · 03/04/2006 08:09

Oh, and I managed to persuade him that I think teachers may give him a harder time than they otherwise would if he wears the Bad to the Core t shirts with skulls on them bought by his dad. It worked, he ditched them, yay! But my boy is a lot younger and easier to influence than yours, I realise this. I guess I DO think it matters, how you look and it DOES affect the way other people treat you so I guess I've tried to tell ds this.

Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 08:11

spidamamma, I sort of wish I had used reverse psychology on my ds. Perhaps I should have dressed him in clothes I personally hated when he was younger, so he could 'rebel' when he was older, wearing clothes I secretly liked :)

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beetroot · 03/04/2006 08:14

I guess my 12 year old wears what he wants at present. However, he just wears baggy jeans and big tops so i don't have a problem His mate in London is a trendy kid and this influences my ds1. Last time mate was down hhe was wearing a pink jumper htat ds wanted!

school very strict on unimrofm so no freedom of expression there!!!

WideWebWitch · 03/04/2006 08:25

You see, I thnik you CAN tell them you're not buying Skull t shirts/gold jewelery/insert naff item here while you're the one paying for them, I do. I won't buy crap food because I don't think it's good for them so I don't see why I should buy crap looking clothes if I think it will affect they way they are treated/perceived out in the world. I'm not saying I wouldn't compromise by buying the odd thing I disliked (or purported to dislike, I realise parental disapproval makes things very attractive) but I wouldn't (and won't) let my son wear something I considered totally vile and think will project an image that affects the way he's treated by other people. I know he will think it's mean but I don't care. Equally, my dd won't be allowed to dress like a whore.

ScummyMummy · 03/04/2006 08:26

lol at the babymoth's foray into fashion. Fab fab fab. Sorry tigermoth but this is sod's law personified, isn't it? There's you, a style icon, ex-seller and current wearer of gorgeous vintage clothes- it's just right that he chooses to adorn himself in minging nylon accessorised by fake gold! It's like mine choosing to pray together each night and explain their vision of heaven and hell (complex story involving black and white clouds) at the top of their high little voices while on the top deck of the bus when sitting next to someone reading the koran in full muslim dress who looked, frankly and unsurprisingly, stunned at their views. In fact, I think these sort of mortifying challenges to our deepest sensibilities are sometimes the best thing about having children because, once the pure shame has been dealt with to whatever extent possible, they are bloody funny. Please take lots and lots of photos!

Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 08:26

Yes, I do think his choice of clothing may affect people's attitudes towards him when he is out, especially when he is alone without me. That is a worry.

He wears school uniform, so there's no huge problem there, unless the teachers' attitudes are affected by what back pack and outer coat their pupil's wear. I am assuming not.

In my area the sporty look rules. There are a few skateboard/indie style teenagers, but they tend to be older ones. Ds says he'd risk being bullied if he followed this style. I don't know if this is true or if ds is just saying this to persuade me to buy him sporty clothes. Or a mixture of both. I have to say I haven't heard many stories of skateboard kids being bullied, but that's not to say it doens't happen of course.

When ds first began to adopt this style we used to go to a local skateboard park, and I had hopes of persuading him to that the skateboard look is cool, but he was not convinced. But again, most of the skateboarders were older teens.

I'd say 90% of the 10 - 14 year olds I see out around here are dressed in a sporty way. The boys who go to ds's drama group also adopt a sporty style on the whole. Interestingly, one boy who left the group six months ago, because he turned 16, has dramatically altered his style. He came to see the group this weekend when they were performing a play. In place of his shaved hair, sporty tracksuit and gold jewellery he wore nicely faded jeans, stripey T shirt and longer, messed up hair. Oh he looked so much better :)

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beetroot · 03/04/2006 08:30

www,i think i am with ou. I would not buy clothes that i hate. He can buy them with his own mney if he chooses. And am sure he will Gawd, now i have to test this don't I!!

Photos are essential

Enid · 03/04/2006 08:31

sorry tigermoth but lol at this thread

that would be my worst nightmare. If this next baby is a boy I will be devastated if he doesnt follow the skater/grungy/in a band look.That pale blue outfit sounds horrific (sympathies though from a mother of a 6 year old who also wears ridiculous looking clothing which at times has reduced me to tears )

WideWebWitch · 03/04/2006 08:37

\link{http://www.torontoist.com/archives/images/Ali-G.jpg\is it this kind of look?}

WideWebWitch · 03/04/2006 08:37

\link{http://www.torontoist.com/archives/images/Ali-G.jpg\is it this kind of look?}

batters · 03/04/2006 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 09:12

lol scummymummy - your boys certinly picked on an interesting topic for debate. Interesting to see where that one goes....

I will definitely take photos. Hadn't thought about getting a memto of this phase, but yes, I can see that I really must. Don't hold your breath about me posting them on mumsnet though! The shame, the shame.

I know I could flatly refuse to buy ds clothing that I hate, but I am not sure if that's a battle worth fighting. The resentment could run deep and re-emerge as a serious falling out when he hits puberty full on.

I do draw the line at letting him have clothing with unsuitable messages on them. The problem is that lots of sporty type clothing is well made and fit for purpose. I buy him the clothes he actually needs - if he wants more he has to use his pocket money. The tracksuit was his birthday present.

Dh and I have been very up front with ds in our opinions of his taste. While saying we will not stop him wearing this stuff, we give him an honest opinion. I have come round a bit as well. His navy blue addidas tracksuit bottoms are fine with me, it's the pairing of them with a shiny football shirt that I hate.

Anyway, regarding the pale blue tracksuit, I did tell ds that he had a babygrow that exact same colour when he was tiny. Ds has quite a babyish-looking face even now IMO. I told him if he wore the pale blue top and bottoms together it would bring back memories of him at 18 months old, but he just laughed!

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Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 09:15

www, clicked on your link. Yes, that's definitely the kind of stance and degree of bagginess that ds aspires to. A bit more pastel and sporty, though

OP posts:

spacedonkey · 03/04/2006 09:17

tigermoth, with all that nylon you could refuse on the grounds that he'd be a walking fire hazard ... ?

Original poster

tigermoth · 03/04/2006 09:19

that's a thought. Might also stop him experimenting with cigarettes!

OP posts:

spacedonkey · 03/04/2006 09:22

The reason I mention it is that ds had a pair of nylony Gap trackie bottoms which he used to love (but everyone else in the family hated) - one day, not so long ago, xh set fire to them (not while ds was in them I hasten to add) in a dramatic you're-no-longer-wearing-this-nylon-crap gesture ... and they were reduced to a black sticky blob within seconds

How we laughed!

DumbledoresGirl · 03/04/2006 09:29

I am fascinated that boys of 11/12 have any interest at all in clothes. My ds1 is coming up to 10 and still asks me what to wear. When he needs new clothes, I either buy something I like, or recently, I felt he should start to have an input so I took him with me, chose 3 pairs of trousers and said which do you like? He said he didn't mind, I could choose. He tried them on and still I had to be the one who made the ultimate decision. Clothes for him are just things to cover his nakedness. He knows about the concept of some things going with others as he hears me telling dh everytime he gets it wrong, but that is about it.

When can I expect the great change?

spacedonkey · 03/04/2006 09:35

I don't think all boys are bothered about fashion, but it seems to me that there's a general tendency for even quite young boys to be style conscious in a way they were not in my day

My ds started fiddling with his hair when he was about 9 (he's now 12). My theory is it becomes more of an issue when they get to secondary school age.

makealist · 03/04/2006 09:36

Lol at this thread. my ds1 15 is also into all the nylon look, he buys extra large and is so tall (5.11) and skinny, also tucked into his white sports socks to create a rather fetching clown shoe look !!!well I'm sure you can all imagine how he looks
The only good thing about his gear is it practically comes out of the washing machine dry.

When my mum died last month, we had to buy him a suit for the funeral...he only asked if we could get him a WHITE SUIT! and he was most hurt/upset, when his dad and I said "no way" between our tears of laughter.

DumbledoresGirl · 03/04/2006 09:37

Oh ds2 makes me laugh with his hair fiddling. He wets it and either spikes it or gives himself a side parting and flattens it to the side. The latter look makes him look like a 1940s boy! He is 8. I think from what you have just said Spacedonkey, ds1 is going to be one of those boys who never cares about his clothes.

noddyholder · 03/04/2006 09:41

My ds likes all the nice skate/ surfy clothes but is not sufficiently bothered about them not to trash them in the park.I do think they get more interested as they go to secondary school.As for hair ds's is long blonde and full of headlice which drives me nuts!

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