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Original poster

My ex wouldn't get nasty letters from a solicitor for a straightforward divorce, would he?

58 replies

Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 18:22

When we separated 2 years back, I was going to divorce for unreasonable behaviour, but because we sorted all finances through mediation & also because I wanted to try & escape a nasty divorce, I decided to go for the two year separation.
That two years is up now, and on Tuesday I am going back to my solicitor to start the divorce process. I thought I should let ex H know, so I pre warned him last night. He didn't react that well really & said "I better not start getting nasty letters"
He thins I would be better doing it over the internet & also mentioned my parents not having to find out!! I said "My parents will of course be finding out!"

He shouldn't get nasty letters should he? I don't want anymore from him, I'm not going to get nasty about anything, just want things fialised.
I told him he wouldn't get horrible letters & he said "You don't know what solicitors are like - you don't know how they work!"

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WideWebWitch · 01/08/2008 18:23

He won't get 'nasty' letters, no, it'lljust get formalised.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 18:23

Excuse my spellings - my keyboard keeps sticking!

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 18:23

That was what I thought, WWW.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 18:31

He won't have to get himself a solicitor either will he? This is something he is refusing to do.

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zippitippitoes · 01/08/2008 18:34

well when i got divorced my solicitor did send letters that got h back up

in fact we both sacked our solicitors and i did the end of it myself but our circs were different

if you arfe sorted on the financial front and chilkd wise then it should be easy enough

ilovemydog · 01/08/2008 18:35

I kind of sympathise though.

My ex and I did the 2 year thing, and it was all quite amicable right up to the point that solicitors got involved...

I think it has something to do with seeing your (former) marriage being described in legal nomenclature by people who don't know either of you.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 18:42

Oh I hope he doesn't get letters that will get his back up! wouldn't take much!

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wannaBe · 01/08/2008 18:50

He doesn't want your parents to find out? I have read of his relationship with your parents, do you think it's possible he's told them that you won't be divorcing etc?

edam · 01/08/2008 18:50

He sounds quite nasty himself, tbh. And the not telling your parents thing is bizarre.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 19:07

That is bizarre isn't it? Not quite sure what to make of that. It's not the first time he has said that either - he mentioned it when I spoke about divorce before.
Might be that he is scared of losing the son in law name for himself - although that will never happen! Maybe he wants to keep my parents believing we will get back together - who knows!

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CarGirl · 01/08/2008 19:09

We sorted ours out ourselves but we needed a solicitor each to sort out the financial side but we had a property that we owned together, if there are no financial assets then I don't think you actually need solicitors.

Miggsie · 01/08/2008 19:09

well, obviously he will get letters, the nastiness will be purely subjective as I imagine they will be dry legal type statements, unless of course your solicitor has a brainstorm and writes "on the grounds that you are ugly we think you should pay more cash and wear a paper bag over your head"...but that's not very likely is it?!

Good luck with it, I am sure the solicitor will be fine and professional.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 19:29

Lol, Miggsie!

Haven't a clue about divorce, CC, so will go & have a talk to my solicitor & go from there.

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NotDoingTheHousework · 01/08/2008 19:34

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fuzzywuzzy · 01/08/2008 19:46

PC, If everything is sorted and you're just formalising it exh should not get nasty letters.

However when you instruct a solicitor, tell him you want things to remain as amicable as they are, and that you would like for any correspondance to kept polite and to the point.

TotalChaos · 01/08/2008 19:54

He will probably construe anything as being nasty if he is so minded so I wouldn't waste mental energy on this.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 19:56

I will do, fuzzywuzzy. There shouldn't be any need for anything to get nasty.

That sounds interesting, NDTH. Do you think I should cancel my solicitor appt & do that?

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NotDoingTheHousework · 01/08/2008 20:11

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Blu · 01/08/2008 21:18

WHY does he want yo t do it over the internet, I wnder?

This was your parents line fom the beginnig, wan't it? That solicitor would suddenly decide t go all soap opera screenwriter and cause uneccessary trouble and intrigue.

I would use a proper sollicitor and make sure that all your rights past, present and future, are professionally taken care of. No need to attempt to ruin him, but just get it done properly. I wouldn' use any DIY method unless there were no children involved, and it was all totally and mutually trsutworthy. His attempt to scare you of using a solicitor would make me doubly determined to use one, tbh!

I'm not sure what arrangement you have for contributions for the children, but surely that should all be part of it - even if it is simply naming what you do now.

What a bloody cheek he has...if anyone has been the cause of nastiness, it certainly hasn't been YOU!

He is being paranoid, and your parents have wound him up about this...take no notice, proceed calmly and just make sure he signs the papers!

mablemurple · 01/08/2008 21:24

When I had to use a solicitor (not for divorce) I got to approve any letters she sent out beforehand. Could you ask your solicitor to do the same? Then you would have a change to tone down anything Mr Sensitive might misconstrue.
He does sound very controlling though, and probably that alone is a good enough reason to use a solicitor.

mablemurple · 01/08/2008 21:25

a chance

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2008 22:22

Yes you're right, Blu. I am not sure I trust him enough not to have a solicitor involved, and my solicitor has all my records etc.

BIL was going on about how I owe it to him to do it as nicely as possible & not get solicitors involved etc, because ex H is so good. He hasn't been bad I guess, in that he takes the boys a lot & pays me the money every month, but that is not reason enough not to use a solicitor.
All this "your parents don't need to know" stuff is odd though. Not sure what is going on in that head of his!

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Blu · 02/08/2008 20:03

How dare BIL comment on how you should proceed! Wonder if he ever tpold ExH he should be nice to YOU because he owes it to you for having trated you so badly for years?

Grrrrrrr - they are a nasty little antiwoman cabal, your Dad, Bil and ExH. Take no notice of them!

lou33 · 02/08/2008 20:04

he wont get nasty letters

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/08/2008 12:26

Do you remember how BIL reacted when I first started seeing my solictor & the mesher plan was considered. He refused to come into my house when he dropped my sister round because he was so angry. He thought I was trying to take all ex H's money!

He was going on about how he felt ex H was still in love with me & would have me back in an instant. I told him there was absolutely no chance of that ever happening!

Will go long on Tuesday & see what my solicitor has to say. Think I will probably let him deal with the whole thing, even if ex H doesn't like that thought!

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