How do you make your partner take candid photos/videos of YOU with your children?

[mamathatwantscandidmemories]

I swear to god, I am disappearing from captured memories. If it wasn’t for my selfies and staged videos I would have nothing candid to look back at. I have so many candid videos of my husband and our daughter and they are the most wholesome short videos. He says that I need to ask him, and I do, sometimes, but the moment is gone when I actually ask him and then pretend to be “in the moment”. Also sometimes I just feel I’m nagging him to do it. I just wish he would just think of taking the phone out and capturing a few candid moments there and there each week and sending those to me later. I made this collage and mini video of their candid moments together and got so sad when I realised I have nothing like that. What do you do? How do you make them into a habit to actually start doing it without asking? Help a new mama xx

Absolutely agree. This isn't about boasting on social media or not being able to enjoy the moment. For one thing, OP's children will enjoy seeing some pictures of ordinary life when they were small. No idea why she's getting such a hard time.

All I'm doing is asking what the issue is when you have videos of your DD and your H?

Why start a thread about trying to force your H into taking videos of you if you don't want people to offer an opinion?

I'm not trying to be offensive. You have said yourself everyone has different views. I have a different view from you Your H obviously has a different view from you.

You can tell me go shut up. You can make him take videos of you.
Fair enough. Object achieved.

Yeah totally the same here! I often joke that if I drop down dead tomorrow my family will struggle to find any photos of me. It just doesn’t occur to my DH to get pics to capture moments. It does make me sad sometimes, and also frustrates me occasionally.

My husband is like this. He almost never takes photos even if we are on holiday and looking at a fabulous view etc. As a result, there are almost no photos of me with my children when they were young. Smart phones didn’t exist then and camcorders were too expensive so I have no videos of them either.

does it bother me?! It used to, not so much now. I’m now in my 60s and my girls are grown adults. But, if I wanted to find a good photo of me with them when they were little, I would be hard pressed to source one. So I do understand OP.

Shitty comment! Who pissed on your cornflakes this morning?

Nothing shitty about my comment.

The shitty thing is that a lot of people these days are unable to enjoy life as an experience because everything is only real to them if they take a photo or a video of it..
And unfortunately see their own worth in how many photos or videos they appear in.

Yes - shut up. I asked you many times to stop commenting and yet you still are

Yes, that’s why I am trying to get core captured of us both so that when I am 60+ I could have an option to relive these cute memories and times. But my husband also just never thinks of taking any photos/videos so it’s a bit hard

Yes? I can definitely relate to this!

It's sad that you feel the need to come here calling people "warped" because the ways in which they choose to capture family memories are slightly different to your own. Bore off.

OP just ignore a certain poster ! I 100% can relate to this . Son has just been back from Oz and I have taken so many pics of him with everyone and they are fabulous.
The only pics I have of me with him are pics where I have had to ask husband to take the pics . The candid pics of everyone are so lovely and natural.
.Grandchildren are very young so having the pics of their uncle are so important for us to chat about him and giggle.
These pics mean so much to me because we don’t know when we will next be seeing him 💙

All I have done is reply to comments to.me - mainly from yourself.

You started a thread on a public forum. I have not been offensive. I have put forward a point if view you don't like. You obviously wanted comments from people who would reinforce your own point of view. In the same way you want to force your H to have the same view as you about taking videos of you . If he doesn't want to take videos of you he doesn't want to, but that obviously doesn't fit your agenda.

The problem isn’t getting him to snap a few photos. It is getting him to pay attention to angles and framing so you don’t hate the results.

It’s not hard to get a decent picture, but my husband thinks just holding up the camera and hitting the button repeatedly is enough. He doesn’t even look at the screen to see if anything is remotely decent.

I had to have him take pictures of dd at a huge milestone event because I was in the hospital. Thank goodness some of the other mother’s stepped in and took pictures of her as backup. I didn’t ask, they just knew he was likely to pull the dad photo disaster even with the formal shots. None of the 100s he took were usable with closed eyes, awkward moves, and even blur. How does that even happen with a smartphone helping?

Alternatively they are busy enjoying life and taking a photo adds to that enjoyment, you might see something you didn’t notice at the time or whatever and it is noce to look back at them later. Yes, there probably are people who get obsessed with the perfect shot and miss out a bit as a result, but nothing the OP has said indicates that she is one of them. Indeed her wanting candid videos means she doesn’t want to be interrupted doing whatever it is she’s doing with her DD.

Unfortunately OP, some people (me included) have an ingrained feeling that it’s bad manners to video someone without them realising, maybe your DH feels like this. I wouldn’t really do it to anyone over the age of about 5 unless they are actually performing or taking part in sport or similar because I wouldn’t like it doing to me. So it wouldn’t occur to me that someone might actually want me to do it unless they came right out and told me. So we don’t have much in the way of video of either of us with our DCs when they were young, but if I ask DH and the DCs to pose for a photo DH will always ask if I want one with me in too and take one, then we might do a selfie all together or get someone else to take one. But he probably wouldn’t think to even do that if I didn’t do it first. Sorry that isn’t really a solution but maybe seeing it from his POV a bit.

I do think its warped that OP wants to force her H into taking videos of her.
It's one thing to want videos of your child if that's what please you but there is something totally weird about needing to star in the video yourself and to make your H take these videos if he doesn't want to

Rewatching videos isn’t ‘memory’. We would show my grandma photos when she had dementia - she didn’t have a clue who was in them. It didn’t trigger any memories in her and at times just upset her as she couldn’t actually remember.
Also, a candid video is one that’s dodgy - showing things people wouldn’t want others to see like porn.
What you are asking is for your DH to take pretty pictures and videos of you and your DC where you all look cute - it’s the standard Instagram life!

ermm I started the thread asking people who were in the same position for an advice, that’s all. I’m not asking whether it’s wrong or not or opinions. I’m not seeking for enforcement of my ways in any way. And my husband is never against taking a photo when I ask for it, but he just doesn’t think of doing it. You are just twisting everything and shoving your views on people. just stop. If you are so offended at my post why don’t you comment back to all the other likeminded mums who have commented here the same.

We often rewatch videos together and we enjoy doing it together. And your definition of a candid video seems very off and very different to my definition of candid. You know. Each to their own. But I like having videos to watch back together (maybe not you and that’s okay for you)

Just ignore it op. Some of us know exactly what you meant.

Thanks! I’ll stop replying to that person now. What a waste of my time :”)

While I can see that the way some posts have been written are a bit mean spirited, and perhaps they are bitter, that is a woman who lost the father of her child telling you to just enjoy the moments because you can’t really change your husband and it’s not the photos and videos that matter but the memories if the worst happens. If your husband loves you, you have a happy family life and occasionally you have to remind him to take a photo, it’s not that big a deal.
This comes from a woman also invisible in the family album btw.

So he doesn't think of doing it but for some reason you want to.make him do it. Why?

Fair enough if you want to take a photo yourself but why do you want to force him.to do it if taking a photo isnt what he wants to do at that the moment. Can't you allow him.to enjoy the experience without forcing him.to photogeaph it? Poor guy.

I frequently wonder what photo of me my family would release to the police/media in the event of me being kidnapped by aliens, because I'm always the person taking the photos, never the one in them

It’s hard to take anything from a person who is calling me xyz for me wanting to be in some captured memories with my now child. BTW she just turns two and I am a first time mum. So I do like some of these moments to be captured and there is nothing wrong about that. And trust me of
course I am enjoying all them