Need advice Socials are against ex partner so are family but I want to be with home now I'm pregnant

[Butterflypink02]

Hi long story short socials Habe been in my family for the last 2 years be aise my ex husband had made up that I was in a DV relationship with my partner. My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him. He hasn't been charged with Nothing but was put on bail that lasted 9 months as CPS were taking ages despite me complaining I didn't want this. Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband. My ex husband has some his share of abuse and has taken the children out of school when or was agreed or was my day with the children.
Wind to last year socials were in agreement they were going to step down and everything is going good then an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present. I needed the relationship. Socials continues to call me a lier and put my children on co plan. This has now ended. And I have seen him on and off the past year. Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk. So anyways a few weeks ago we needed up having a night of S which has now turned into a positive pregnancy test ( we was trying for over a year and I had tests and we found it was him that couldnt get pregnant). So now I've found out I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. How will socials react? Are they allowed to stop contact of I tell them I want to resume?

OP Your title says that your family don’t approve of him either but you didn’t mention it in the post.

Yes they will remove the child at birth and your other children too if you are not careful, what planet are you on, what do you want from life? You sound young, seriously give you head a wobble what do you want from life apart from a series of abusive men, the police and social services, there is more to life than this..

I am going to try this a different way .. because you don’t need to convince Mn this is a good relationship ..

look up the freedom program .. follow the course because this may help you i
under how bad this relationship is .

The abuse from your ex sounds like retaliation as it is now historic..

You may be susceptible to abusive men .. Abuse is far more than violence.,

You can either follow Ss advice or lose your children … They will be with your ex full time .. you alone will make this decision but be clear you will lose your children .

You have mentioned no DV a few times - but this is not the only reason children are viewed as ‘at risk’ or ‘safeguarding concern’. Sounds like they have concerns and it is up to you both to demonstrate and prove it if there are no risks. Whatever you think of their assessment, if you want to keep your children you need to listen to them and play ball. There must be a valid reason for their concern or they would close the case

Social services would NOT tell you who made the report , and if they are still involved then they have found cause , so you ARE at risk of losing your children if you do not start putting them 1st.
Social services are overworked , so they would not still be involved if they didnt feel there is a risk , so your choice is your children or your partner , and the fact your 1st instinct isnt your children , says they are right to be involved.

It doesn’t matter. They obviously think he’s bad for the children (and I suspect they are right and that your definition of domestic abuse might be different to other people’s) and you not being able to give him up put you at risk of losing your kids. Now you are back with him and pregnant. Just act in the best interests of your kids and leave him and cut all contact. Seriously, or you will lose them all. It doesn’t matter that you think he is the next Messiah - he is bad news in the eyes of SS and you need to listen to them.

. My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him

Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband

Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk. So anyways a few weeks ago we needed up having a night of S which has now turned into a positive pregnancy test ( we was trying for over a year and I had tests and we found it was him that couldnt get pregnant)

You're in a relationship with a man that is a risk to your children.

Why is he a risk? It's not just because you had an argument! There must be a previous conviction or some history that poses him as dangerous to children.

You are unable to put your children's welfare first, ot doesn't matter whether they've directly seen anything or not. HE IS A RISK.

Social won't do anything with their biological dad as you've split up (hopefully ending the worst of the domestic abuse that they were exposed to) and he is their dad. Clearly, he is not deemed a risk otherwise they would not be allowed any unsupervised contact whatsoever.

Quite frankly, if your children get placed with their dad or in foster care, then that's your own doing for choosing to be with a man that you've specifically been told is a risk to them. Not because everyone is lying or making things up. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Hi there,
We have made several deletions on this thread where for reasons best known to themselves MNers have chosen to mock the OP's writing rather than deal with the substance of her posts.
We find this quite unacceptable, to be clear, and some on this thread should expect to be suspended.
Please bear in mind that some of our users are highly vulnerable and in difficult situations. Insulting and barracking such an OP is not only unlikely to help her in her current situation but also likely to make their children's situation even more grave by cutting her off from a site that offers valuable DV resources.
@Butterflypink02, we do think it might be an idea for you to have a read of these links, particularly our domestic violence webguide and relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
We wish you and your children the very best of luck and hope that you are able to get a clear perspective on where you stand. x

He has a past which raised alerts with ss. It does not matter who reported it , there are clearly risks which you seem unable or unwilling to take on board. If you do not listen you will lose your chance to parent the baby.

I disagree.
Best case scenario - give the new baby up for adoption at birth (many many good people waiting for an opportunity to be good parents). Then bin the men off and concentrate on being the best mum you can be to your two children.

Either he's an abuser, in which case social services absolutely can remove children if you won't end the relationship, or OP filed false police reports....in which case....OP what did you think was going to happen?

Social services have many reasons to believe that the situation/relationship is unsafe. It is not only based on what your ex husband as said. The "colourful" past, the police intervention, your statement,... these all play a part too.
You also are making thing worse by ignoring their recommendations, and just wanting them to go away.
Considering the all the above, it isn't surprising that their confidence in you is low and that they have severe concerns that you and your children may be in an unsafe and abusive environment.
My advice is to be open, honest and engage with them meaningfully by taking their advice on board and doing as they recommend.

Your children are on a CP plan which shows that the local authority have SERIOUS concerns that despite social services being involved for 2 years have not changed- in fact once you thought they were stepping down and would withdraw you have gone and put your children at risk by sleeping with someone who you have clearly been told is a risk to them and you cannot have a relationship with. This has resulted in a pregnancy.

it sounds like you have some issues around attachment and need to address this, you need to do the freedom programme and find and engage MEANINGFULLY in a healthy relationships course. Unless you take action now you will lose your children.

You will lose all your children if you don't leave him for good. Your new baby will be taken away from you at birth and probably anymore children you may have because you will become the risk. I've seen this happen even years after the first removal of children.

Please put your children first.

Social Services don't have the time or capacity to get involved for no reason. Protect your children. If you stay I would expect the baby to be removed at birth.

It sounds from this statement that you made in this thread as if there is DV from your current partner: an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present

I think everyone here probably believes the current partner is abusive on that basis, even if you aren't able / willing to accept that fact. At least, that's my view.

IME, Social Services always side with the dad once the kids are in the picture and they believe manipulative men over victimised women...so I am sorry if this is playing a role in the situation with your ex.

You dont seem to understand that domestic violence doesn't have to mean him beating crap out of you, you having screaming matches and police needing to attend is a volatile and abusive situation. OK the kids weren't there at the exact moment but those tensions and emotions can't be just switched off at the flick of a switch.
And you made a police report against him, for what if not a form of abuse.
The really important thing is that even if yer relationship is perfect and he is as pure as the driven snow social services told you he was deemed a risk and to stay away... And you didn't. You should have stayed away while working with them to prove he was safe to be around. Now you have shown that you will put yourself and him above your children every time and created a right mess

What was the incident that you had no control over which made the Social worker change their mind about closing the case?

Be really careful op, I know someone that has had all her children taken because she won’t end a relationship with someone that is a risk to them.

There is NO way on earth I would choose any man or person above my child.

This. U sound vulnerable OP and you were trying for a baby for over a year??????
In the circumstances you have described. Now you are pregnant again. Of course SS will be involved again. You need to really think about what you want to ensure a better future for you and your kids. Sometimes, that can mean you are not in a relationship.

This.

If you can't protect your children, they will have to step in to do so.

My advice is to listen to the advice being given to you by Social Sevices, stop prioritising boyfriends, and stop bringing your children and unborn children into volatile situations.

That isn't an option in the UK.
The baby would be in foster care.
And all the damage that brings.

@Snoopdoggydog123 it is a possibility. Babies can be put into foster care with prospective adoptive parents from birth.