Need advice Socials are against ex partner so are family but I want to be with home now I'm pregnant

[Butterflypink02]

Hi long story short socials Habe been in my family for the last 2 years be aise my ex husband had made up that I was in a DV relationship with my partner. My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him. He hasn't been charged with Nothing but was put on bail that lasted 9 months as CPS were taking ages despite me complaining I didn't want this. Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband. My ex husband has some his share of abuse and has taken the children out of school when or was agreed or was my day with the children.
Wind to last year socials were in agreement they were going to step down and everything is going good then an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present. I needed the relationship. Socials continues to call me a lier and put my children on co plan. This has now ended. And I have seen him on and off the past year. Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk. So anyways a few weeks ago we needed up having a night of S which has now turned into a positive pregnancy test ( we was trying for over a year and I had tests and we found it was him that couldnt get pregnant). So now I've found out I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. How will socials react? Are they allowed to stop contact of I tell them I want to resume?

Another depressing post.
Thank goodness we have ss to protect our kids when the parents don't put them first.
You have a choice op.............kids or shitty man
Which is it?

See my post above at 9.59.

OP, social services don’t swoop in and put children on a CP plan because someone asks them to.

What the fuck were you thinking actively trying for a baby with someone who is prohibited from seeing your existing children. Did you think that that would change their mind because having a baby together would make you a happy couple?

The man is bad news. You’ve called the police on him. He has a past, you’ve made statements against him. Social services have made it clear that your children are at risk from him. And yet again we have a woman putting a shag above the welfare of her children.

It’s simple. Clearly you would rather stay with this waste of space, so maybe just ring SS and ask them to come now and take the existing kids into care or to place them with their father, and then get ready to hand the baby over at birth.

Or alternatively, ditch this horrible man, have an abortion and look after your existing children.

You've had police involvement with your current partner, and at least another episode with him (this time when your children were present).
Social services will almost certainly resume/maintain involvement when your child is born. If your relationship is stable (and there are lots of things that could constitute it being unstable, they won't consider the risk of DV alone, they'll consider all aspects of your relationship) then you'll be supported. If it remains unstable (and no, they will not just take your word for it, if the evidence suggests otherwise) then the likelihood is your baby will be taken into care. From what you've said, I think the latter is very likely, and something you should prepare for.

Why would you think they would remove a baby if there is no DV?

Criminal past of some kind, or previous history of DV.

Or the fact that your arguments with your boyfriend have been so bad that the police were called (and that makes them violent).

Or the fact that you did, in the past, make a statement detailing his abuse towards you. It is irrelevant that you sought to withdraw the statement.

Tjat really doesn't make much sense plus you said your children witnessed "an incident"?

So to summarise:

• Your ex-husband was violent.

• This boyfriend has been violent.

• You're now pregnant.

• SS have already warned you to keep away from the baby's father.

And you're wondering why the baby might be removed at birth.

I say this gently, look at the amount of people here telling you to prioritise your children. The amount of people telling you it’s not a healthy relationship, the amount of people who are telling you that your baby will be taken away.

Put your children first! I’m sorry but your needs have to come last now, you don’t need him, he sounds abusive! You need your children to have a safe home and you could potentially provide that without this man around.

Police have been involved, your children have been put on a care plan, they’ve witnessed things, you’ve made a statement against this man- this is not a good, healthy relationship to start a family!

I thought this was a post about social media??

SS have plainly told you that this man is a risk to you and your children. Yet you have ignored their advice, and are continuing to see him. I can only assume your children live with your ex-husband? Now you are pregnant by this man. If you continue in a relationship with him, and SS feel that you are prioritising your relationship over the safety of your baby, then yes, they can and will take steps to remove the baby from you at birth. You need to prioritise your children (and unborn child), not a relationship, with a man you've already been warned is a risk. Get rid of the boyfriend.

There are 4 billion men in the world. Find one who isn't a useless waste of space

You have two choices here.

1. You stay, in denial of this awful relationship, continuing putting your children at risk of harm. They will know more than you think they do and it will be damaging them. You will very likely loose your baby to care and possibly in time your other children. ( I know of someone who lost her children for much less)
2. You contact womens aid and get help to break free and make plans to leave this man once and for all and make your children safe. It will be best to consider whether to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Please make the right choice here and choose option 2. Your children’s welfare is what matters isnt it? You brought them into the world you must keep them safe.

This is how - all from your original post.

My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved.

Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband.

Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk.

OP, this man is a risk to you and your children. WALK AWAY.

Come on now, I don’t believe for a second you can’t get the gist of it.

By the way this is going I expect when your children are removed from you then you will become another one of those parents trotting out the old “social services took my children away from me for no reason”. Sad fact of the matter is there is always a reason, people like yourself just think you know better when you don’t. He is abusive, bottom line. You’ve made a statement against him to the police for domestic violence because your arguments were so bad that the police were involved. That is not normal. He is therefore unsuitable to be around your children and a risk to both them and you.

Wise up OP, your children deserve better. If you don’t do better then they will get better by being removed from your care where you are refusing to participate in creating a healthy environment for them to live in and safeguarding their well-being.

Your ex husband is just that, your ex husband. Unless he’s got a criminal record for DV or hurting children then there’s not much social services can do unfortunately. As far as they’re concerned, he no longer lives with you and you’re not being put at risk by him. Therefore your children are not at risk of witnessing DV from him. Your boyfriend on the other hand, they are at risk from. You need to get rid of him and engage in healthy communication with your ex husband as a co-parent and stop involving yourself in drama and arguments with people. Put your children first and not yourself. They didn’t ask to be born. You put them on this planet so bloody well put them first and do right by them. It’s your job.

Your ex-husband has rightly expressed concerns that his children are being subjected to a volatile man. Social care will back him up if there’s evidence, which you have stated there is. DV isn’t just physically hurting someone, you don’t seem to understand this. Stop making excuses and underplaying how dangerous this man is for you and your children. You will lose them and the only person to blame will be you but ultimately the innocent people in this scenario who will suffer will be your children.

You seem hell bent on putting your apparent needs above those of your children and putting them at risk. If you can't stop this then your children should be taken from you and placed in a safer environment. You need to work out what is more important to you - your toxic relationship or your children.

I totally agree with what people are saying here . But op is also a victim of DV . It can fuck the victim up mentally and emotionally. There's also trauma bonding.

I'm wondering has social services put op on any courses such as the freedom programme could op go to a refuge where she can get in house support/counselling. If op can't go to a refuge many there support /counselling/programmes outside of the refuge.

Can op get help to move home.

It's extremely hard for people on DV relationships and victims/survivor's need alot of support . Sometimes things that seem so obvious to us are not to them. Its like they have been conditioned through the abuser.

As i said I totally agree with what others have said. Just wanted to say it can be complicated . But the answer is still the same op needs to get out of the relationship. And get every single bit of support she can .

Poor kids.

It won’t be and then those kids will grow up thinking this is normal and the cycle repeats over and over…

I didn't understand either. When I asked another poster explained it to me clearly.