Need advice Socials are against ex partner so are family but I want to be with home now I'm pregnant

[Butterflypink02]

Hi long story short socials Habe been in my family for the last 2 years be aise my ex husband had made up that I was in a DV relationship with my partner. My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him. He hasn't been charged with Nothing but was put on bail that lasted 9 months as CPS were taking ages despite me complaining I didn't want this. Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband. My ex husband has some his share of abuse and has taken the children out of school when or was agreed or was my day with the children.
Wind to last year socials were in agreement they were going to step down and everything is going good then an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present. I needed the relationship. Socials continues to call me a lier and put my children on co plan. This has now ended. And I have seen him on and off the past year. Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk. So anyways a few weeks ago we needed up having a night of S which has now turned into a positive pregnancy test ( we was trying for over a year and I had tests and we found it was him that couldnt get pregnant). So now I've found out I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. How will socials react? Are they allowed to stop contact of I tell them I want to resume?

How as I explained there is no DV only with my ex husband

Op, you are failing to comprehend that’s it’s possible social have more information than just what your ex has said.

there have been numerous police incidents, police often make reports to social, there will be information from school, his past as well as things you don’t know!

what do u want?

to have a relationship with this man? You can do that but you are likely to lose your current children to ur ex and unborn baby to foster care

to have social go away?

stop your relationship and start putting kids first

is an easy choice,

can you access counselling or support from woman’s aid or GP?

You day there is no DV, but have had arguments so bad, that the police have been called. That is DV! Your children will be affected even if they are not there to witness it. One day they will be though.

They are not going to “help” you resume a relationship that is a danger to your children. For gods sake.

What exactly were the allegations and how were they not true ? Because having arguments so bad the police have to be called is likely domestic violence.

But you said there was an incident where your children were present?

And you did have control to not have your children around this man, if you can’t keep them safe then social services will remove them into foster care.

Wind to last year socials were in agreement they were going to step down and everything is going good then an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present.

To summarise the actual facts:

-Police have attended your house due to an argument.
-You made a statement against him.
-Social Services have previously placed your children on a care plan.
-You know he had a 'colourful' past.

• Despite social services telling you this man is a risk to your children and you need to stop contact with him, you have become pregnant by him.

You are not protecting your current children. It is likely that Social Services will become heavily involved. You have repeatedly demonstrated you are not putting their safety first. It really comes down to who can you live without- your partner or your children. You need to wake up quickly. Get on the Freedom course asap. If you don't know what this is, ask your Social Worker. If you haven't got one now, you soon will have.

"we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him."

It isn't just your ex husband though, it is? You made a statement against him (seemingly out of spite). Victims of DV try to backtrack on what they've said to the police all the time, why should social services believe you?

I also don't think that this relationship is as unproblematic as you're saying, anyway.

Not just you, for sure!

I used to see this quite often in my last job. Women choosing to be with a man even though they knew the child would be removed by children's services. It's up to you if you want to be one of these women.

Sounds like you need to ditch this bloke but your choice.
Social Care will and should protect your dc and new baby.
Have you sought a Clare’s Law disclosure. There may be markers against this man that Social Care cannot tell you due to Data Protection- I think it is still this way anyway.
Clare’s Law could show previous DV.
DV is not just physical and you need to be mindful it is an escalating behaviour. Starts with a bit of control, gaslighting, shouting. Can end in death.

Yes. Very often. These thread often start out with the OP insisting that it’s all a misunderstanding but when questioned admits to various things making it blindingly obvious why social services are involved but still refuses to accept the reasons why.

On those threads I’m always stuck that it’s a good job we have organisations that will look out for and protect children in these scenarios.

You are refusing to remove a man from your children's lives despite being told he is a danger to them. How the fuck are they supposed to help you?? Hopefully they'll help the children and remove them from your care, or you ex will go to court to do it. You say ex was abusive but they will have investigated and perhaps decided that was a you/him issue so without you he isn't a danger to the children. For whatever reason they clearly feel he is a safer choice than your new partner so you should be listening!

It’s all sounds a disaster. Where do you think this is headed?

Heres what I think you should do:

Ditch the boyfriend, he’s trouble and only leads to a shit show.

End the pregnancy, you don’t need to be tied to this bloke who will ruin your kids lives.

Concentrate on your children. Help them with their schooling and friendships. Show them by example what being a responsible adult is. Help them to make a success of their lives.

100%

So you actively tried to get pregnant with a man who isn't allowed near your existing children, has a criminal history, and who you've argued with to the degree that the police have had to be involved? And you can't see how not normal that is?

Your children deserve to live in a safe and conflict free home. It's likely that if you continue your relationship with this waste of space, you will lose your children. Both your existing children and the child you're currently carrying.

I would work with social services in your situation. Leave this man and take whatever support SS are offering you.

Your children deserve better and you need to step up and put them first.

Healthy, loving relationships don't result in the police needing to be called.

OP you need to read this carefully. It doesn't matter what your boyfriend has or hasn't done. It doesn't matter what your ex has done or hasn't done. What matters is what social services are doing. And that is the only thing that matters.

Rightly or wrongly social services are being very clear with you. You continue a relationship with this man. R If you do continue then you cannot have your children with you.

The choice is now yours. Your children or your boyfriend. You cant have both.

OP stop dating complete morons. Seriously you have children that social services deem to be in danger, stop asking stupid questions and making excuses, just ditch the man. Personally I would also not be bringing another baby into this mess. Sort yourself out, ditch these idiots, get some counselling and start being the mum your kids deserve.

If police had to be called because an argument between you two was that bad then that is DV. And if you think your kids dont pick up on this you are wrong, kids know when things are wrong even if they weren't necessarily there at the time.

Actually cant believe people would allow social services to get involved with their kids over a bit of d

Social workers are usually very clear with you about the reasons for intervention such as this. There will be clearly evidenced risks, which they have to do in order to put a child on a CP plan. They have to justify to the court why the are making recommendations for no contact, removal etc. they can't just decide to do it without any evidence.
So either you are in denial about the risk, or there are things your aren't telling us here.

So what was the "incident" last year your kids were witness to??

Threads like this make me despair. What the hell is wrong with you that you would choose a criminal scumbag over the safety of your children?! Are you that desperate?!

Could it actually be that your ex wants to protect his children which is why he called social services 🙄 god forbid

The real issue here OP that you are failing to see is that you are putting your relationship with this man above everything else, including your children’s safety. Everyone but you can see that this is not a good situation which is why they don’t want you together!!!

So when you are annoyed with him and ‘hate’ him, you want police etc involved and then you backtrack.
Of course social services are involved, you come across like you can’t make sensible adult decisions and therefore can’t keep your children safe.
Why are you bringing another life into this shit show?

we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him

So either you made up allegations against him out of spite or he was abusive and you are lying to protect him. Either way you are lying and making terrible decisions.

Also I'm willing to bet his "colourful" past is full of violence, stop minimising his behaviour and the risk he poses to your family.

You can certainly expect Social Services to take a very firm stand on this and quite rightly so. They are acting in the best interests of your children, that is their job and no one gets a choice in having them involved if children are deemed to be at risk.
Why are you so focussed on a relationship with someone with a dubious past, why not focus on being a parent to and protecting and nurturing your children?

In all seriousness, what are you doing? You are messing up your kids life and being horribly selfish. At this rate I believe your kids are probably better off with your ex h; if you keep this baby then likely that’s who they’ll end up with. You have a choice, think carefully.

Whether there has been violence yet, there is clearly abuse that could easily escalate to violence towards you or your children. Why would you try for a baby when your life is in such a mess? You clearly have poor boundaries and low self esteem, you need to work on yourself. Have you done the Freedom programme? The only way to stop SS involvement would be to genuinely seperate yourself from this loser, stay single and focus on being a decent parent. If you carry on the relationship you will risk having your baby removed.