Need advice Socials are against ex partner so are family but I want to be with home now I'm pregnant

[Butterflypink02]

Hi long story short socials Habe been in my family for the last 2 years be aise my ex husband had made up that I was in a DV relationship with my partner. My partner at the time has a colourful past and we have argued and police Habe been involved. At the time I hate him and end up doing statement against him. He hasn't been charged with Nothing but was put on bail that lasted 9 months as CPS were taking ages despite me complaining I didn't want this. Socials Habe been involved since and have done a risk assessment saying he can not be in a relationship with me or have Contact with my children from.my.ex husband. My ex husband has some his share of abuse and has taken the children out of school when or was agreed or was my day with the children.
Wind to last year socials were in agreement they were going to step down and everything is going good then an incident happened that I had no control over and my kids were present. I needed the relationship. Socials continues to call me a lier and put my children on co plan. This has now ended. And I have seen him on and off the past year. Socials Have made it clear that he is a risk. So anyways a few weeks ago we needed up having a night of S which has now turned into a positive pregnancy test ( we was trying for over a year and I had tests and we found it was him that couldnt get pregnant). So now I've found out I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. How will socials react? Are they allowed to stop contact of I tell them I want to resume?

I have found it really hard to read your op and other posts. That could be me just nly reading it right . I'm confused are there 2 men? A husband but also an ex partner? If so which one was doing the DV . Which one are you pregnant by . And who is it you want to stay with . Sorry if I have this totally wrong.

What was the incident where the police were called last year that was out of your control?

They are there to help your children not you or you abusive ex and/or on off partner.
They may well take this baby at birth and it probably won't be the worst option for anyone involved.
Stop getting pg and stop getting involved with dickheads.

I wonder if, after two bad relationships, you understand what DV is. Even if there has not been physical violence, even if violence was against you and not your children, even if they weren’t present, abuse has an impact on children. Their primary caregiver being abused causes them harm. Social workers can’t stand by and let your children suffer harm because you are struggling to get out of an abusive relationship. Can you think about why you are placing them at risk of removal, and yourself at risk of harm rather than leave this man?

Please prioritise your children. Can you not understand the damage you are doing to them?

You are showing them they are the bottom of the list when it comes to their needs and their needs are simple.

They need a calm and drama free home environment.

They need to not feel anxious at leaving you to go to school in case there’s a sudden e
big change- a boyfriend! a baby! a black eye! smashed furniture!

They need good healthy relationships modelled. Not up and down soap operas style relationships where a one night stand results in a sibling.

They need to have positive relationships with both parents.

What do you think will become of them if you don’t sort your act out? And who exactly do you think will pick up the pieces?

As far as I see it, you have a choice.
Who matters more to you, your children or a man, because in this case you can't have both. If you put your "relationship" with this man above the safety of your DC, then be prepared for those DC to grow up hating you.

You are right!

@Butterflypink02 All men have a cock attached to them. All men.
Your bad boy is not the only man in the world with one attached to him-you have not found the golden prize-what he has is something that all men have. You do not have to hold on to him at any price.

Find another cock attached to a better man. There are billions of them.
Failing that, pop on to the internet and order a dildo.
Failing that, read a book .

So you wasted everybody's time by making a false allegation against your partner because you hated him? But now you love him? And your ex alleges there is DV in your current relationship and you expect Social Services to believe you that it’s not true and just leave you to raise as many children as you fancy in this household, without question? Have I got all that right?

Social Services are vastly overworked and overstretched. It takes a lot to reach the threshold for them to become involved, but that threshold seems to have been reached.

Your poor children. Please don’t have any more.

OP has an ex-husband who doesn't like her new partner. Ex-husband reported the new partner to social services saying that OP and new partner were in a DV relationship.

At the time of this report, OP had fallen out with the new partner and made a statement against him, as a result of which he was arrested and on bail for 9 months. She then withdrew the statement by the sounds of it.

Social services risk assessed the situation and said that the new partner is a risk to the children and that OP should separate from him to protect them. OP protested that the ex-husband had done his fair share of abuse for example keeping the kids off school when it was her day with them. SS have ignored this.

As social services began to wind down the investigation there was an "incident" in front of the children. OP then ended (not needed - I think that was a typo) the relationship but SS did not believe her and put the children on a CP Plan (child protection). Their cynicism turned out to be entirely justified because as soon as they took her children off the Child Protection Plan she started seeing the new partner again 'on and off' and is now pregnant by him.

She wants to know what might happen next and the answer is likely to be pre-proceedings with a recommendation for the children to live with their father and spend time, possibly supervised, with OP, and for the new baby to be removed.

You need to prioritise your children. Anything else is just unforgivable. Get rid of that bloke and be a good mum instead.
Why would any decent woman be so desperate for a relationship that they would be with that bloke? Have some common sense.

I sometimes think that even if some men had the word "abuser" tattooed across their foreheads there would be women who would flock to them, putting themselves and the physical & mental welfare of their children in danger.

You say that your ex husband said your partner has a colourful past which is what triggered social services? Social services don't just believe an ex husband. They will do their own checks. Have they shared their concerns with you? Have you done a Claires law?

Is a bloke worth loosing your losing your kids over and god knows what being on care would do to them children.

My daughter had similar she was told not to have contact with her DV abuser. She did whilst he was in prison over the phone it was found out. Her child ended up on a PLO that's one step before removal. She was so lucky she didn't loose her child in the end. She had social services for around 4 years .

Put your children first a bloke is never ever worth more than your children.

TBH OP I can’t make much sense of your situation as I can barely understand what you’re saying. To summarise my thoughts on what I can understand though: terminate pregnancy, leave deadbeat, prioritise current kids. If that’s something you need to be told to do though, I doubt you have the capacity to realise that’s the right thing to do. Good luck to your kids.

This.

Its a straight choice here, him or them.

I wish I had the resources to set up a village to care for children like the OP's.
Maybe even a neighbouring village to look after women like the OP, who seem incapable of caring for themselves and the blessed children they bring into these dreadful situations.
@Butterflypink02 , you don't need SS to help you maintain a dysfunctional relationship and you don't need that relationship at all.
Any penis that puts you in jeopardy of losing your children, is NOT A PENIS YOU NEED!

Take your head out of your behind OP. It sounds very much like you need to stop getting yourself in to any form of relationship with any man and start prioritising your children.
You say your ex is abusive. Your ex (and social services) says your current partner is abusive. Wake up and start making better decisions for the sake of your children as well as yourself.

I would suggest you get rid of all these losers and start a fresh life- just you and the children. Ask social services for help with that. Move house, find new friends, stop having unprotected sex with idiots and abusers. You have enough children, stop bringing more into this shit show.

You're risking losing all of your children, including the unborn one. I don't say this lightly. A girl I know lost her 2 children for much less. SS pushed through a forced adoption.

Thank you so much for explaining to me. I thought that was the case but wasn't sure . Agree what you have said to . My daughter did something simlar. She did keep her child in the end. But it did go to PLO and social services were around for approx 4 years.

If there is no DV, what was the incident that resulted in you making a statement to the police about?

My old boss used to call clients like this “Calamity Jane’s” lurching from one disaster to another at the tax payers expense

You sound like my mum. She chose a man who was a danger over her children. Social services never involved because we were the polite sort of middle class where this all is very discreet. She and her partner are together, but neither of them have any relationship with their 3 children and 5 grandchildren.

Put your kids first. A man who needs police called is not gonna be one who sticks around for 30 years. You will be 60 and alone and your kids won’t know you because they will have been taken or like me they will have grown up and gone NC. No grandchildren. No family Christmases. No grandchildren’s birthday parties. Lonely into old age like my mum. I hear the only friends she has are neighbours, but they move every couple years or so when neighbours get close enough to start asking about why neither of them see their children and grandchildren.

Focus on the little people who matter now because if you do it right, they’ll be the ones who stick by you forever, not this loser.

They can't stop you seeing him but they can take your existing children from you and the baby.

Why would you even risk losing your children for a man?

They can’t stop you contacting him that’s your choice. But if you continue to expose your children to an abuse man then they will have to remove them.