INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

[Butteredparsnips]

Does anyone find that people don't believe you when you say you're an introvert?

Yes! I manage quite a lot of people and am perfectly sociable when I need to be. But I find I reach a sort of saturation point and need to go away and retreat for a while. An example would be at a work conference or event when people want to go to the bar before the evening meal. No No No. I need my peace bed

[MadisonAvenue]

Place marking to come back later

[MrsDOnofrio]

Does anyone find that people don't believe you when you say you're an introvert?

Yes. Mind you I didn't know I was an introvert until a couple of years ago when I read "Quiet". It was like being slapped around the head with the realisation and recognition.

I guess over the years I've learned how to appear sociable, although since learning more about introversion, I no longer make excuses when I need to leave an event early, or not go in the first place, or take several days to recover. I no longer feel the need to apologise for who I am. I'm now an out and proud introvert .

[NorksAreMessy]

Welcome newcomers.....I will now mostly leave you alone

[NorksAreMessy]

People really REALLY don't believe me when I say I am an introvert. I am jolly and cheerful and talk to strangers (!) and my job involves talking in front of groups of people I have never met
BUT
I need to come home and talk to nobody at all and potter and think for a looooong while afterwards.

Not many people, see the second part of that, but, of course, lots of people see the first part

[lorelei9]

Norks, that's it exactly. They see me being sociable so think I must want a lot of company!

Or in the case of my parents, they find it weird. I am deliberately vague with them about stuff because they think a weekend with no social stuff must be awful and also see it as a reason to invite themselves here!!

I really can't get anyone to understand the sensory overload thing and just how much extra travel takes out of me. I know it's a bit odd living in London like this but I can't just up and move....also there must be loads of .londiners who always stick within their patch.

[Findingpeace]

Hi fellow introverts
I know I'm an an introvert but sometimes I don't consider how it effects my life, for example sometimes when I become frustrated it's only later that I realise it's because my introverted needs aren't being met. I have a very social job where I'm helping people all day and working with children. I love my job but when I get home I need peace and quiet. I got married 3 years ago and for the past 6 years have been living with my DH and his 2 DD's, who were teens, all of who are extroverts and don't understand me. Oh how I struggled in the first few years, and still struggle sometimes. I lived by myself before living with them and suddenly I had no time to myself in the evenings and lots of demands placed on me. I experienced sensory overload with loud music and loud TVs. I just wanted some quiet and time alone! I would have been such a better stepmum if I'd been an extrovert.

[lorelei9here]

Findingpeace, yes, I think I must be extreme introvert because I think it's why I don't want partner and partly why I don't want children.

I would lose my mind if I couldn't live alone.

[Findingpeace]

Lorelei, I loved living on my own! I miss the quite so much and not having to meet everyone else's demands while mine go unnoticed and unmet. I had no idea how hard it would be to live with not only a partner but two teenagers. The hardest part I think was that they are all extroverts and have no understanding of me as an introvert.

[lorelei9here]

Finding, what can I say...it must be awful but I don't want to make you feel worse.

You need a shed or something.

[DrRoberta]

Hello again everyone, so sorry I haven't been back to this thread, I've been plucking up the courage to dive back in! Aginghippy, thank you for your advice, I like the idea of thanking someone for telling me I'm quiet (as if I didn't already know!) instead of feeling like I have to be apologising for it. My job, which started out as temporary has since become permanent, with a three month probationary period. I'm really not enjoying it but can't find anything else at the moment...I was told by my supervisor that the boss wants to see more energy and interest from meI have to ask how do you display energy for a job you have no interest in, especially when you're not a naturally high-energy person?

[lorelei9here]

Roberta, that is hard. I am outwardly sociable so I can put on a show but it is tiring to do this at work. I can only advise you do a big smile - most of these idiot bosses looking for those can't spot a fake one - and generalky pretend to be an actress.

I'm now in a job where that isn't required but actually I think my boss is getting worried because my quietness is increasing!

[lorelei9here]

While I'm here...I still live in London because my friends and family are here but lately I'm constantly daydreaming of a quiet home with a garden somewhere obscure. I sometimes feel I'm only in busy London till my parents are no longer here...and my friends visit once or twice a year that would be fine.

Not sure I'd even care about making friends in a new place, a new stage of introversion for me. I wonder if it's real or just a phase?

[tametempo]

New here, hi.
Haven't read the entire thread, unsurprisingly; it's pretty long!
I wondered if anyone else feels this.
I can't bear to plan more than 1 thing (appointment/ day trip/ meet up with best friend etc) per week. It's like my brain processes my life on a week to week basis and ok sometimes I have multiple things going on in a week but I avoid that as best I can as I just find the sheer thought of it unbearable.
If I have 2 different activities in a day, I genuinely dread it, like I would dread a trip to the dentist, even if they're pleasant things.

Is this a bit extreme, even for an introvert?

[lorelei9here]

Tame, I'm the same in terms of two things in a day. In my 20s I hadn't twigged that I had an issue with sensory overload, so if someone said "shall we go to an exhibition, then have dinner, then see a film" id agree and then be relieved when I got home.

I've actually got a couple of love,y friends who I struggle to spend a weekend with. I'm happy to chat with them or just hang out at my home or their home, but they are doers and their pace leaves me irritable and exhausted.

I will see friends/family up to three nights a week depending on what work is like. But it mostly just one night a week for me. It would be more if we could meet locally (to me) but that's not possible for them and I refuse to get on the Tube or bus on a work at home day.

In short, no, I don't think that's extreme at all.

[WriteforFun]

we have our big annual conference at work next week

Normally the food is the highlight tbh!

this year quite a few people are saying they won't be around at lunch. Turns out they need time away from the group to recharge. I know what they mean. It's interesting though - made me wonder how many other people are introverts at work, but often we work in places where we can't really show our introversion.

[AlwaysCrashingInTheSameCar]

This is my first post on this thread, although I have been following it for a while. It's nice to know that there are so many of us!

I concur with the themes of a need to recharge (WriteForFun) and planning only one thing a day (tametempo).

When I was growing up, the only other introvert I knew was my Dad. My Mum and brother are both on the higher end of the extrovert scale. After my brother left home, I struggled to be around my Mum on my own. Even just her presence sapped so much of my energy (and still does at times!). Dad and I used to go on long walk and just talk, or not, and it was the perfect antidote to my Mum's energy.

Now I live far away from my family and have my own extrovert partner and two little ones. My recharge is now exercise (especially yoga and swimming). My OH understands that I need space and I think he is actually finally enjoying getting space to himself as well now.

I only plan one thing a week for myself too (meeting up with a friend or going to a social engagement). My kids are at nursery some days, but on the days off we only arrange to do one thing (playdate etc). I blame it on my youngest still needing a daytime nap, but it's really for my benefit!

I love my life and my OH and our kids, but I do also daydream about how it would be to live on my own without the constant demands, the TV being on too loud, and with a place for everything and everything in its place. Sounds marvellous actually! Haha!

[WriteforFun1]

I couldn't live in a noisy house. I could possibly live with someone as mousey quiet as me but I'd need to not see them very often.

I have an insanely energetic friend visiting at the weekend and I'm already dreading it. I love her, she's just so loud and energetic.

[Findingpeace]

Oh the TV being on too loud! And slamming doors! How can people stand all the noise? My DH and his DD's are extroverts and they love everything loud

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello Boopsy

Completely normal, although you seem to have been unlucky with friends.
I do have LOTS of friends and enjoy their company, but I am never completely open or comfortable with most of them, and a day in company is exhausting.
My happy place is at home with family or completely alone outside somewhere

[TooMuchMNTime]

Boopsy
They seem like separate issues though, I mean if you had good friends could you spend time with them?

I'm introverted too but can spend a half day with close friends before needing some down time.

I'm currently looking at how to deal with some acquaintances though. People seem to reappear in summer I find. I like to stay local so now if someone wants to meet and it's just a casual acquaintance, I could either lie and say I'm busy or say, hmm has to be local to me. That just sounds selfish and nasty so leaning towards lying! But I cba with casual acquaintances any more.

Family all extrovert and they find my increasing introvert tendencies hard to cope with.

[TooMuchMNTime]

Ah I see
There's no drama or bitching with mine
But the reason I'm up posting now is I have a friend here at the mo
She's fast asleep but just having someone here for the weekend unsettles me hence I'm awake, the introvert has sensory overload! We were up chatting till 1 as well so I should be asleep.

[Balletblue]

It is nice to have a space here. I've just had the noisiest day at work. Nowhere quiet to be had anywhere at all. By lunchtime I wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere silent and alone. However, safe at home now.