Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

999 replies

NorksAreMessy · 24/11/2012 23:04

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

OP posts:
WatchWithMerlot · 30/12/2014 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunbeam18 · 03/01/2015 23:03

Hi Watch! You sound very like me - I too feel compelled to 'be sociable' and don't give myself the time I need just to 'be'. I love the evenings that my partner is out IF our baby son goes to sleep easily at 8pm and I can decompress in silence with my cat. I hate having visitors. My home is my cave, a place for reenergising not socialising.
I got the Susan Cain book for Christmas! Do you highly recommend?

Scattrercushion · 04/01/2015 20:53

I really enjoyed the Susan Cain book FWIW. It really clicked with me and I re read bits from time to time. The only thing I don't like is that there seems to be an introvert v extrovert thing ongoing. I don't think either of us are any better, maybe just need to be more considerate of each other.

SeagullsAreLikeThat · 16/01/2015 19:51

Once again this had disappeared from my "Threads I'm on" and I had to go searching. Does it only stay in there for a certain time if no-one posts for a while, does anyone know? I like to keep checking in, even though there's only a flurry of activity every now and then.

I was away with work again this week and endured a dinner with 6 clients, who we know reasonably well. It was really interesting because in the group was one extremely vocal person who monopolised the conversation most of the time, a few people who chatted comfortably but at least three of us who clearly just wanted to be in our rooms, on our own with a book! It was such a relief when the first person left to go to bed and we all followed within minutes. I was so drained!

QuiteQuietly · 05/02/2015 20:03

I have noticed that when I am in groups (which I generally try to avoid) I chatter and witter on like a nutter, interrupt and generally hog the conversation. I am appalled at myself the following day. I don't know why I do it - discomfort? panic? social exhaustion? One-to-one I act much more like a rational and normal human being. In groups I am a verbal psychopath. Is this a side-effect of introversion, or a completely different issue? Any advice (apart from never leaving the house, which is absolutely fine with me!)?

SeagullsAreLikeThat · 06/02/2015 17:19

That's really interesting though, Quite, because I've always assumed this person is a complete extrovert, when maybe he is also just acting completely out of character because he's not comfortable in group situations. Will get him on his own next time and see what happens!

Southeastdweller · 08/02/2015 22:14

Has anyone agreed with you, Quite, of the people you go out with? Just wondering if you may be overthinking it?

TwoLeftSocks · 27/02/2015 16:10

I'm glad this thread is still going.

I have a question, wondering if I'm alone in this. I've decided to undeclared my birthday to the world by changing my facebook settings.

Family and long time friends might remember that it's this Sunday but I really don't want a fuss. It's not a big birthday, that'll be next year when I plan to be in hiding, out of the country.

Does anyone else feel, increasingly, like this about birthdays?

Meemoll · 24/03/2015 16:55

I don't have mine on facebook, I just prefer to hear from people who have remembered my birthday rather than reminding the (facebook) world that they should say 'happy birthday' to me. I've always been a bit weird about birthdays though, so maybe it's just me!

Mamab33 · 06/04/2015 09:43

hello I'm so glad I have found you. Really identify with what Merlot and Quite said. Will look for the Susan Cain book. I'm going to join the library. Hmmm endless books.

Allofaflumble · 07/04/2015 19:41

Anyone else feeling depression creeping in at the thought of Summer on its way. I know a lot of people love it, but I hate the heat, the general noise of people and kids out in their gardens etc..
Any other killjoys out there?

Minnie11 · 07/04/2015 20:24

Oh how interesting to come across a thread for Introverts. A few years ago, I realised how introverted I am. Interestingly, most people don't seem to think I am as I like to be with people for a while every day but then I usually want to go and be alone (I'm quite happy alone for hours regularly). I love to go to social events but only for a while, my estranged husband says I find people a novelty which wears off!! I love my job where I don't have much people interaction (just enough to keep me happy).
I must take a look at this book.

Southeastdweller · 07/04/2015 22:15

Yes, All, I was feeling the dread today for the first time this year when I was on a very warm and very rammed bus on the way home. More noise, more crowds, more queues, not being able to sleep properly because of the heat...ugh.

Frostycake · 10/04/2015 16:27

< waves shyly to fellow introverts >

TwoLeftSocks God yes! I did this at the start of the year and although some people remembered, most didn't and it was such a relief. I hate having a fuss made or being the centre of attention. I've since noticed that all my introvert friends on Facebook have done the same Grin

Allofaflumbe Absolutely. Hate it for the 'outdoorsy rowdiness' that is thrust upon us and expected of us. I feel obliged to be out and about even if I'd rather shut the blinds and read a book by candle light with the cat. Like you, I think it's the noise. Everyone is outside, shouting, talking, playing music and it's impossible to think and I get overloaded very easily when it comes to noise. The constant light doesn't bother me but I dread the shouting and screaming from next door's young son (I know - I'm evil) as he doesn't stop from the moment he goes out at 8.00 am until he goes in at 7.00 pm. He just talks to himself or constantly shouts at the dog or calls for his father (who strikes me as an introvert as he practically lives in his shed).

I don't know about everyone else but I think it's an added strain being an introvert these days when extroversion is seen as the norm and how we are meant to behave (group think).

I can highly recommend 'Party of One' - The Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. The says 'some of us appear to be in but we are out and that is where we want to be.'

Frostycake · 10/04/2015 16:33

QuieteQuietly Yes, I used to do this all the time too when I was younger but I found that my 'acting' was so convincing that I got branded as 'extrovert' 'outgoing' 'confident' 'life & soul' a 'bit of a card' and 'ballsy' and people then assumed that I'd eagerly join in their party lifestyle or appreciate being moved into the sales team.

'Acting' as an extrovert really doesn't do anybody any favours but I agree that it's difficult not to do it especially if you're a people pleaser (as I am).

I am now referred to as a 'missery' or a kill-joy' but at least I'm authentic Grin

Allofaflumble · 14/04/2015 17:25

Yes I was the "life and soul party girl" in my twenties and early thirties. Fuelled by booze and recreational drugs. It makes me shudder now.

Whataride · 16/04/2015 13:42

Yikes, I'm an introvert and just signed up for a hen weekend. I've never done this before. I'll quite possibly enjoy the evening and want to spend the next day alone.

Original poster
NorksAreMessy · 18/04/2015 10:51

Heehee frosty. Me too.
Whenever I talk about this to my friends they all say 'noooo, not you, you seem so confident'
Well yes I am confident and can talk to people and laugh and am actually sometimes quite loud.
But then I have to creep away to a quiet corner and have a Bit Of A Think with no noise or distractions.

I have been staying with my poorly sister for a fortnight in a city. In real life I live in a field. It has been quite challenging, especially the level of 'popping in' that happens, with adults and teenagers.

OP posts:
Frostycake · 14/05/2015 15:44

Grin at NorksAreMessy

YY to all that. I love the creeping away to a quiet corner to have a bit of think. I call it an afternoon of staring at the wall. Grin

Oh god yes. The poppers in (fuckers)! It gets me extremely anxious and confused with the unexpectedness of it all (as if I'm an actress called on at the eleventh hour to give a performance).

I think this thread reflects us very well. It's very ... er... ponderous.

Frostycake · 14/05/2015 15:48

Whataride come back and let us know how your hen weekend went; after you've had a lie down in a darkened room for a day that is Grin

I'd never subject myself to a hen weekend - a night is bad enough. I used to escape to the loo just to have five minutes of peace and quite.

I only go on holiday with fellow introverts now. Much more civilised.

RoganJosh · 18/05/2015 11:22

Hello everyone. I've (quietly) read bits of this thread but wanted to ask some advice.
DH has a large family who live 5 hours away. We've just had some staying for three days and I have really struggled with constant polite conversation. I'm all peopled out from our small children before I add any more in tbh.
It's also really tough when we go and visit.
Anyone got any helpful ideas or strategies for how we keep in touch with them without my head exploding?

MrsSquirrel · 20/05/2015 13:03

When I am in those situations, I just disappear every so often. I go to the bedroom, close the door and sit with a book for a while (or just sit Wink). My dp knows about my strategy and makes excuses for me if needed, but most of the time nobody notices/minds. Yes of course I want to have a nice visit, but I don't feel obligated to spend every waking moment with the visitors.

Frostycake · 26/05/2015 14:29

RoganJosh I don't have this problem since ditching the misserable ex and his marauding family but when i did, my tactics used to be;

  • extended trips to the loo (with a book/kindle)
  • going for a lie down with a made up headache
  • going to the shop for supplies which are not needed
  • taking the dog for a walk
  • arranging some other event away from home while they're there

You could also look at reducing the amount of days you stay, so for example arrive late on day one, stay on day two but go out to get away from them then leave early on day three so you really only have one full day with them.

Do the same when they visit you - tell them they can only stay for a weekend and arrange to be somewhere else/do something that they can't accompany you to

If all else fails, plug your ipod/iphone earbuds in and go for a job/walk/mooch around the garden.

And Finally - as they're your DH's family, make him step up and do the 'hosting/entertaining' and don't allow him to simply check out with the TV/newspaper/gym/work excuses.

Frostycake · 26/05/2015 14:31

Bugger... that should be 'go for a jog not job.

I'm not suggesting you get a job just to avoid your in-laws (although it's a possibility if things get rough).

MrsSquirrel · 26/05/2015 14:39

Grin at getting a job to avoid the inlaws.