INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Hello spanky, there's nothing wrong with you!

I'm still struggling with my noisy colleague though she has at least started asking if I'm OK with whatever radio station she's got on. I'd rather have no radio if she's going to talk over it but hey ho. She is still very intrusive into personal space, getting too close to me physically, and it makes me cringe, but I think I am reacting to her in particular because it doesn't tend to bother me when others do it. It's just her way but I find it too full on.

I feel more at home in cities with the diversity and buzz and convenience but I recently moved from a suburban area of London to a buzzy one in zone two and have mixed feelings about it. It's good to get to and from work quickly and the amenities are great but the amount of people here is insane, even for London, which I think is because it's become a fashionable area and also because there's a high level of unemployment - weekday mornings here are like how weekends are in most other areas of the city. In a similar area a decade ago I didn't mind but now I find it oppressive. Maybe I'm suited to living in the country but with good access to a city.

How did your first week at work go Farrow?

Great time to find this thread for me. I feel like I'm losing it a bit, I always feel like I'm the odd one out, I have nothing to say to people and there is something wrong with me. Having said that, I don't feel depressed about it it is just the way I have felt for so long that it has become an essential part of me that is constantly nagging at the back of my head. I have quite a few acquaintances and can manage some small talk but what I'd really love is one or two closer friends who I could meet and chat with on a regular basis as I prefer this to bigger groups but I'm finding it really hard to find people who want this too. I feel like I come across as a weirdo for wanting to get them on their own. And I really struggle with bigger groups of people and vague, casual chats where I feel like everyone else is friendly and I am the odd one out that is hanging on at the edge of the group. I have ordered Quiet to read as I think I need some introvert confidence, I was brought up to believe that being social and having lots of friends was the most important thing, and I felt like a constant failure (and still do) for not being able to be like this.

nait you are describing EXACTLY how I felt before I read the book and why I started this thread.
There are so many people who have been made to feel that the world does not belong to them, but it DOES. You are no weirder than anybody else, you are not a failure and you are amongst friends here.

Introvert confidence! Quiet perfection.

Welcome all newcomers and hope you will find as much support here as I have over the last year or so.
We are not alone, but we don't mind being alone :)

Does anyone else really enjoy being surrounded by people but not having to interact with them? eg I love watching the world go by, am a real people watcher etc but I much prefer to observe rather than interact. So I treasure the days when I get time to mooch about the shops on my own or have a coffee alone- surrounded by others but not with them, if that makes sense.

My best friend is an extrovert and when I said that for my birthday I was really looking forward to spending the day alone at a spa with just me myself and I for company (but surrounded by others) she was horrified!

Its only since I learned that I am an introvert really that I have felt recharged- I exhausted myself trying to enjoy being with others in a hectic social environment for years and now I can chill out by myself and enjoy being quiet and still (and allowing myself to get bored- only way I feel fully rested) it's blissful.

Thanks for your kind messages - I feel right at home here.
SicknSpan I do feel the same as you - as long as I don't then bump into someone I know at that busy place cos then I feel like an oddball for being on my own. I love taking my kids to groups where I don't know anyone and can just play with them and not worry about chat but I do think that is possibly a bit odd to other people. Having said that, I would like a buddy to go along to stuff with too, but I don't have that right now so I just have to go it alone.

I recently read Quiet after a recommendation elsewhere on mumsnet and found it very empowering. All introverts should read it. There's a TED talk online by the author which gives you a flavour of it.

Though i am worried it will make me very antisocial as now i have an excuse to not try to talk to people!

I too love people watching in a cafe (on my own), it's a lovely way to chill out.

I love cities, people watching in cafes, wondering round a museum etc.

I'm not so bothered by people being around me as long as they're not in my face, so living and working in London is great for me.

I like the countryside for holidays - but wouldn't want to live somewhere that everyone wants to know you.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by the school gates today. Lots of things going on and I feel like every one I speak to is moaning about how awful things are. How does everyone cope with this?

I listen to music . I cannot bear the bragging and boasting at the school gates .

I have DS2 with me who is a liability running round the playground whilst we wait for the doors to open so I "absolutely have to" stick with him rather than standing chatting

I find it very difficult to be around people who are into TV such as X factor, Strictly, and generally anything on ITV2! I loathe all reality type TV and find myself so angry at the dumbing down, exploitative nature of it and the fact that a very few get hugely rich by it.

Meanwhile its influence on society is so negative. I have to stifle my feelings about it or you can seem as if you think you are better than those who watch it.

I feel offended that this garbage is fed to us on an increasing basis and it jars my equilibrium.
Naturally it follows I can watch very little TV these days!

So i'm an introvert! Mind truly boggles, all this time i never thought it was a personality type, so i'm not just odd just an introvert and there are many like me. The constant reading, watching the world go by and being blissfully happy, wanting/solitude, feeling drained after having guests round, hyperventilating at the thought of a party, feeling odd in group (party type) discussions. Wanting one or two very close friends only, i'm almost crying with laughter

I'm an introvert too. Much prefer my own world and feel uneasy and insecure in crowds.

Have you all gone somewhere else?

I'm still here, I'm just being quiet.

Kernowgal how is it going with your new, chatty tactile colleague?

I'm still here!

I visited a brand new warehouse for work yesterday (I get all the glamorous jobs) and had the "grand tour". I kid you not, in every inch we covered of the building, the radio was blaring out over the sound system.. In some areas so loudly that we had to shout to hear each other. How on earth do people work in that environment?? In the gym they had there, not only did they have the radio on but the tv was on full blast as well! Chatting to a client who was also there, he said they have the radio on permanently at work and that in an employee survey, everyone except him had agreed it was a good idea. I don't think I could last more than an hour trying to work with the radio on. I know a lot depends on what type of job you do but still, I think it's such an imposition on your senses if you don't like background noise.

I went on a rare evening out with DP the other night, we chose a restaurant where we often go during the day and it's nice and quiet but in the evening....urgh. The crowds combined with the terrible acoustics meant I could hear all the chatter and background noise from the room as a whole but nothing of what DP was saying sitting opposite me. It was horrible. At one point I was sitting with my fingers over my ears, it was painful. He on the other hand was totally thriving in the buzzy atmosphere. I sighed a huge sigh of relief when we left into the quiet of the street. He thinks am weird!

Evening all. I have had to slightly change my NN due to password chaos, but I am still here :)

Joining in too, I am INTJ on the MB it explains so much.
Can anyone recommend parenting strategies, I really struggle with the noise and the children wanting to climb all over me ( sounds callous I know) I have struggled with the Easter Hols, need to go for a long walk alone and stare into space for a whole day!

If I need some space, I tell my two that I need some quiet time and that I will be much less grumpy if they let me have a few minutes on my own and I promise them my full attention afterwards. This gives me time enough to get my head together and be nice to them rather than getting irritated which would otherwise happen. I also tell them that it's ok for either of them to have quiet time too and just disappear off if it all gets too much.