I am IN the Mumsnet Rules and really wish I wasn't!!

[mrsbabookaloo]

Never in a million years thought I would be in it: I'm not a prolific poster and my kids are quite young, so I'm not often dispensing advice on here, more often asking for it. But of course thought it would be fun if I was. But NO.

Of all the things that I'm quoted on, it's making my dh sound like a bad parent in a parenting book!

I somewhat criticised his parenting style on here 3 years ago, never dreaming it would appear in a book. (Yes, yes I know it's a public site, mumsnet owns the rights to our ramblings...).

So, for the record, DH is a wonderful parent and the best dad in the world. He is a fully hands-on Dad, has tons and tons more patience than me, plays with them way more than me and hardly ever shouts at them, unlike me.

We had some disagreements in the early days, when we were just starting to have to lay down some rules with dd1, and I think he just hadn't thought about how we should approach it, but in fact as he says, it is me that shouts at them more, even though in some ways he's a more traditional disciplinarian. We have 2 dds now, and things have changed so much since I wrote that post. He is 100% the best father I know.

There. Now put that in your next book please!

Is anybody else quoted in any of the mumsnet books saying something regrettable?

Think I might start another thread. Am feeling sorry for myself and need to be heard!

Of course I understand how it works and am not really feeling indignant against mn, but it is a fact that we come on here to vent about things and share feelings, and its not good if it might come back to bite you on the bum years later, causing tension in your relationship, published permanently in a book for all to see! It means that really you can't write about your relationships on here. Think of some of the things that people have said about their partners, or their mothers! Mine was quite mild in comparison.

But your dh/family etc would need to know your nickname to identify that post.
And if they know your nickname then they can find what you said on here?

I don't understand.

how do you find out if you are in it??

I assume you buy the book and read it TIFFANY, I don't think there's a ist or anything.

mrsb I imagine that anything nasty said about partners/family wouldn't be put in the book. Your comment must have been one that could be used to illustrate a "rule", or one that had a lesson in it.

(what did you say?)

Am I in it?

i dont want to buy it!!

mrsbabookaloo, I can understand your feelings and it is great that your dh has proved to be such a marvellous parent. I have never read a MN book so don't know if I have been quoted in one, though I doubt it.

The thing is, you are not really the person under whose name your quote is quoted. You wouldn't introduce yourself as mrsbabookaloo, would you? Does anyone who knows your real name actually know your posting name too? If not, there is nothing to connect you to that comment.

Is it that you wish your comment was something you are still proud about and could show to your friends and family and say "I said that!" ?

I wonder how far back MN go looking for quotes?

Dh would never never look on here to look at what I've said. He's not a snooper...and he wouldn't think of it. And typing sthg on an internet forum, which is pretty transitory, is one thing, but it being published in a book is very permanent. Most people do not feature in published books. Imagine if it's the only book you appear in, and you are made out to be, if not a bad parent, then a slightly thoughtless, old-fashioned one.

Of course I know that not many people I know will read the book, and no-one except possibly my mum, knows my mn nickname, but just on a small scale between me and dh, he is probably feeling hurt and a bit betrayed.

Why did you tell him then?

good question, I love tiffany. I found out because I was reading it in bed last night. But even before I found out, I was thinking it would be good if there was some sort of search function or database on mn where you could put in your mn nickname and it would tell you if they'd used any quotes from you in any of their books, and what you'd said.

This was when I thought it would be fun to see myself in print.

To those who have read it - is it quite light hearted? My worry with any set of 'rules' is that the minute you say a way of doing something is 'right' - you immediately set up a 'wrong'....

Did you tell him what you wrote then?
Is that how he connected the quote to you?

Sorry if I am being dim - I am still pretty hungover.

GML, I was sitting right there next to him, and I was like "OH! I'm IN IT!", and then realised that it wasn't an especially nice quote. Yes, perhaps better not to have told him, but even if he hadn't been right there I probably would have confessed. I'm like that.

People's baffled reactions and certainly making me realise how differently people react to things. Anyway, I'm not saying its the end of the world, just wanted to register surprise and dismay and see if anyone else had had sthg similar.

It is funny and supportive and light.
And the only 'rules' it expounds are ' do what suits you best and try not to let external opinion pressurize you'

The title is ironic really.

Yes, its very lighthearted and mostly funny. but covers some good serious things too. Like parental disagreements about discipline.

"are certainly" above, not "and certainly"

I am starting to sound like I am commission..

Oh, I forgot to download it. Will do so now.

dumbledore's girl..thank you for your kind words. Exactly, i wish I was in it for something funny or wise. Not sthg that would come between dh and me. He is cross with me quite often as it is, and thinks I am too outspoken, and often tells me off for saying things about him in public.

Yes, pagwatch....you seem very involved....!

am I in it ?

< needy >

Maybe I will do a public service and make a list of all the mners in it and post it on here!

It does just make you think twice about what you post on here, and I guess we all should bear it in mind.