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Original poster

AIBU over not wanting to pay for replacement shoes?

69 replies

Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:07

OK so first message I've posted so try and be nice.
Context
My dd (11) asd, dyspraxia, adhd and her friend are in same school/class and best of friends os too.
Her mum doesn't work, on benefits etc whereas I work and okish financially. Her friend is always at my house, for meals, days and trips out and im taking her away on hol in 6 wks. This is OK as I do it for my dd.
Anyways today in school they were both messing about stamping on each others feet and the Vivienne Westwood emblem came off her friends shoe.
Normally I would pay for stuff like this but she says they cost £80!
Now I got some glue and stuck in on and it seems to be ok, for now.
However her mum isn't happy and wants me to pay £80 for a new pair.

AIBU. I mean who spends £80 on a pair of school shoes? I only spend £40 max on mine and she's a skint single mum and it was an accident. They are Vivienne Westwoods.

NBU I should just suck it up, it was my daughters fault.

AIBU over not wanting to pay for replacement shoes?
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/04/2023 16:10

Ummm no

Or if you do start charging her for childcare I'm thinking of going to x this is how much it costs if you want your child to join in I will pm you my bank details 😉

Theunamedcat · 27/04/2023 16:12

Also look on ebay they are less than twenty quid she is robbing you saying £80

Namechange224422 · 27/04/2023 16:13

I wouldn’t ever pay that for school shoes myself , and I don’t think she’s being reasonable.

But, this friendship is really important to your daughter and her mum obviously feels strongly about this. Her mum is clearly short of money and having her daughter in this sort of shoe is important to her.

On balance in your position I would give the mum the money to replace them and let it go.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/04/2023 16:17

She is pulling a fast one. They are £20 on eBay.

wetpebbles · 27/04/2023 16:17

There are some on Amazon for £88 although you could replace them for cheaper second hand on eBay

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 16:22

She has got to be having a laugh. There’s only about 10 weeks left of school excluding holidays isn’t there?

I would absolutely refuse. She’s also ripping you off saying they’re £80.

Things get damaged at school, the amount of times mine used to come home with ripped sleeves, holes in their knees, hoods hanging off coats and such because of tig etc in the playground, I’d have probably had to invoice half the parents at school and been on the receiving end of the same too!

It happened at school, you weren’t there to supervise, they were doing it to each other. Tough t1ts!

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 16:24

The other thing is, if you replace these. What else in future will your daughter be accused of breaking? I think it’s a slippery slope. You aren’t a cash cow.

HanSB · 27/04/2023 16:30

It's both of their faults for playing a silly game, just one of those things. Considering how much you do for her daughter the mum has a cheek to ask for anything. Also if the other girl is not a good influence generally then I would try to reduce the amount of time they spend together and encourage your daughter to widen her friendship group.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:49

fruitbrewhaha · 27/04/2023 16:17

She is pulling a fast one. They are £20 on eBay.

When I first asked her where she got them from she said £23 from ebay. That's when I though ok she bought fakes...

OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:50

Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:49

When I first asked her where she got them from she said £23 from ebay. That's when I though ok she bought fakes...

Show quote history

The thing is my daughter has only just joined that school this week. She left her other school due to bullying and they are really good mates. I just honestly cany afford or justify £80!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/04/2023 16:51

I wouldn’t pay full stop/ both kids playing the game at their own risk

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:53

Theunamedcat · 27/04/2023 16:10

Ummm no

Or if you do start charging her for childcare I'm thinking of going to x this is how much it costs if you want your child to join in I will pm you my bank details 😉

The child and my child would go without . She can't afford anything for her daughter and my dd likes her to go

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 27/04/2023 16:56

She can't afford anything for her daughter

She can afford £80 shoes 🤷‍♀️
Allegedly.

RichardHeed · 27/04/2023 16:56

IF you’re feeling generous, offer to buy a replacement pair for her. Do not give her the money. I would also subtly remind her of said upcoming holidays expenses if she challenge you, alongside all the other costs this child spends on your dime.
But I wouldn’t even offer tbh, play stupid games like this and this is what happens. They’re also fuck ugly shoes so she’s done her a favour 😂

N0tANOoDl3He4D · 27/04/2023 16:57

If she bought them for £23 then why would you be buying a brand new £80 pair - that's really not on of her.

CatOnTheChair · 27/04/2023 16:58

I have access to super glue at school.
I have stuck LOTS of these gold things back on shoes. They come off easily. They glue back on easily. The glue lasts quite well - or at least I don't often get the same child coming back to me!!

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/04/2023 17:00

If she brought a £23 pair where is the £80 coming from?
Send her the bill for the holiday and deduct the £23 pair of shoes from it cheeky fucker!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/04/2023 17:02

I would find the exact same pair of shoes in the exact same size, new, for the best price, and buy them for her.

I would not put a stop to the friendship but I would not be paying for trips or bringing the girl on holiday. Your daughter will make other friends at her new school, and I would encourage those friendships but be cautious about paying for stuff in future. Unfortunately it can encourage people to take advantage.

LakeTiticaca · 27/04/2023 17:06

No I wouldn't pay. She shouldn't be sending her daughter to school in Vivienne Westwood shoes anyway.

TheSaturdayAfternoonnessOfIt · 27/04/2023 17:13

She was at school - so the school were in loco parentis at the time - thus it did not happen on your watch, so to speak.

Tell her to take it up with the school and see how far she gets

Throwncrumbs · 27/04/2023 17:29

Those shoes are hideous!

Hugasauras · 27/04/2023 17:35

Not a chance. Even if they had been rendered unusable I wouldn't be asking another parent to pay for something both kids were doing, but for an emblem?! Please don't pay £80 to replace perfectly usable shoes.

savoycabbage · 27/04/2023 17:46

Also, don't start thinking her child will 'go without' if you don't provide days out and holidays for her.

You could spend that money on driving lessons or a maths tutor in year eleven or on halls of residence for the first year of your DD's university degree.

The woman is lying right to your face telling you those shoes cost £80. They quite clearly didn't. And if they did she should take them back.

LittleBrenda · 27/04/2023 17:49

I've just looked them up and they are rubber! Like crocs.

EggInANest · 27/04/2023 18:05

But her Dd was playing the game with your Dd. It was a result of the game they were both playing. It isn’t as if your DD randomly and deliberately damaged the shoes.

I would say “It’s bad news that her shoes got damaged, but it happened in a game they were both playing together, both taking part. I cannot afford to pay £80 for your DD’s shoes (or any shoes!). As you said you got them from eBay and they were both kicking each other’s shoes shall we go halves on a new EBay pair? Spotted some so could get them now?”