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Original poster

AIBU over not wanting to pay for replacement shoes?

69 replies

Angebot · 27/04/2023 16:07

OK so first message I've posted so try and be nice.
Context
My dd (11) asd, dyspraxia, adhd and her friend are in same school/class and best of friends os too.
Her mum doesn't work, on benefits etc whereas I work and okish financially. Her friend is always at my house, for meals, days and trips out and im taking her away on hol in 6 wks. This is OK as I do it for my dd.
Anyways today in school they were both messing about stamping on each others feet and the Vivienne Westwood emblem came off her friends shoe.
Normally I would pay for stuff like this but she says they cost £80!
Now I got some glue and stuck in on and it seems to be ok, for now.
However her mum isn't happy and wants me to pay £80 for a new pair.

AIBU. I mean who spends £80 on a pair of school shoes? I only spend £40 max on mine and she's a skint single mum and it was an accident. They are Vivienne Westwoods.

NBU I should just suck it up, it was my daughters fault.

AIBU over not wanting to pay for replacement shoes?
OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:12

Namechange224422 · 27/04/2023 16:13

I wouldn’t ever pay that for school shoes myself , and I don’t think she’s being reasonable.

But, this friendship is really important to your daughter and her mum obviously feels strongly about this. Her mum is clearly short of money and having her daughter in this sort of shoe is important to her.

On balance in your position I would give the mum the money to replace them and let it go.

We are messaging each other. The shoes she has are too small for her now anyways and I've told her ill buy her fake ones or a cheaper pair of shoes. Like you said I really don't want to fall out, for my dds sake

OP posts:
Roundandnour · 27/04/2023 18:12

Can the shoes still be worn as shoes?

If yes, then why do they need replacing?

Why is she charging you £88 when she paid £23?

If you really want to pay, send her a tenner.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:13

LittleBrenda · 27/04/2023 17:49

I've just looked them up and they are rubber! Like crocs.

I know. Like they look crap hit she's says there originals and we're guaranteed for 4 mths only. She's had them nrly a yr app.

OP posts:
Roundandnour · 27/04/2023 18:13

Oh they are too small, bollocks to that.

If she isn’t already, tell her to put in a dla claim for her child.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:14

savoycabbage · 27/04/2023 17:46

Also, don't start thinking her child will 'go without' if you don't provide days out and holidays for her.

You could spend that money on driving lessons or a maths tutor in year eleven or on halls of residence for the first year of your DD's university degree.

The woman is lying right to your face telling you those shoes cost £80. They quite clearly didn't. And if they did she should take them back.

She says they were only guaranteed for 4 mths. I offered to take them back for her.

OP posts:
QuillBill · 27/04/2023 18:14

This is honestly preposterous. You are allowing her to con you. She's not even pretending she isn't.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:16

Roundandnour · 27/04/2023 18:12

Can the shoes still be worn as shoes?

If yes, then why do they need replacing?

Why is she charging you £88 when she paid £23?

If you really want to pay, send her a tenner.

Because she says she got sick of buying asda shoes and they weren't lasting. Honestly there is NO WAY her mum can afford £80 for a pair of school shoes. I can but wouldn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:17

Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:16

Because she says she got sick of buying asda shoes and they weren't lasting. Honestly there is NO WAY her mum can afford £80 for a pair of school shoes. I can but wouldn't!

Show quote history

She says she paid £80

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 27/04/2023 18:17

@Angebot has your daughter confirmed she damaged them? Sounds v suss to me, the df needs a new pair as these are too small and low and behold, something happens where someone else can pay for them...🤔

Mykingdomforanap · 27/04/2023 18:17

But she wants you to buy £80 shoes? She never has - she got these for £23.

LittleBrenda · 27/04/2023 18:18

She thought they weren't lasting so she bought her designer rubber ballet flats in winter?

Mykingdomforanap · 27/04/2023 18:19

She got sick of cheap shoes so bought £80 rubber ones.

QuillBill · 27/04/2023 18:19

She says she paid £80

But she didn't, she already told you that they were £23 and you just said that there is no way she would be able to afford £80 shoes.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:20

GrazingSheep · 27/04/2023 16:56

She can't afford anything for her daughter

She can afford £80 shoes 🤷‍♀️
Allegedly.

I just can't believe it!! My dds shoes cost no more than £35/40 and I think that's a lot for schools shoes lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:21

MichelleScarn · 27/04/2023 18:17

@Angebot has your daughter confirmed she damaged them? Sounds v suss to me, the df needs a new pair as these are too small and low and behold, something happens where someone else can pay for them...🤔

Yeah she's said she did but by accident. My daughter can be rough, impulsive and clumsy as she's has asd, adhd and dyspraxia but she is never deliberate or mean. They were both doing it to each other

OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:22

LittleBrenda · 27/04/2023 18:18

She thought they weren't lasting so she bought her designer rubber ballet flats in winter?

I know right?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2023 18:22

You’ve written than she has paid £80 and £23. Which was it?

QuillBill · 27/04/2023 18:23

I just can't believe it!! My dds shoes cost no more than £35/40 and I think that's a lot for schools shoes lol

You can't believe it because it isn't true.

She's lying to you so that you buy her child who you already look after, take on days out and are taking on a summer holiday some £80 shoes that are too small for her anyway.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:25

Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2023 18:22

You’ve written than she has paid £80 and £23. Which was it?

When her daughter 1st mentioned that she had them she said they were £23 from ebay. She is now saying they were £80 and her mam says this too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:26

QuillBill · 27/04/2023 18:23

I just can't believe it!! My dds shoes cost no more than £35/40 and I think that's a lot for schools shoes lol

You can't believe it because it isn't true.

She's lying to you so that you buy her child who you already look after, take on days out and are taking on a summer holiday some £80 shoes that are too small for her anyway.

I know. We've compromised and I've said I will buy her the ones from ebay for £23 in the next size up. I just don't want anyone to fall out. My dd is quite vulnerable atm with a new school etc or else I'd have told her to bugger off

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 27/04/2023 18:27

GrazingSheep · 27/04/2023 16:56

She can't afford anything for her daughter

She can afford £80 shoes 🤷‍♀️
Allegedly.

She paid £23 on eBay

QuillBill · 27/04/2023 18:31

Fair enough.

Just keep an eye out in the future as you now know she can't be trusted unfortunately and that she does not tell the truth which as you spend a lot of time with her child will put you in a vulnerable position.

I hope your dd settles down in her new school. I'd be strongly encouraging her to form new friendships if I were you.

shard5 · 27/04/2023 18:32

She's seen you coming op.
She thinks as you can afford to take her DD out on holiday with yours you're loaded or something and too nice to pull her up on her greed.

shard5 · 27/04/2023 18:34

I agree with Quillbill, encourage your DD to make new friends and be less dependent on this one child or you'll find yourself completely funding this other little girl as well and find it even harder to extricate yourself from the situation.

Original poster
Angebot · 27/04/2023 18:42

shard5 · 27/04/2023 18:32

She's seen you coming op.
She thinks as you can afford to take her DD out on holiday with yours you're loaded or something and too nice to pull her up on her greed.

I think your right..
There was an issue a few mths back that has me thinking this now.
I got my daughter a grey airup bottle a while ago and on the day she lost it her mate showed up with the same colour one. She had quickly nipped home and app her mums sister took it round for her when she was at her dad's (they are separated).
I was suspicious at the time but I said nothing because I had no proof.

I've just asked her mother now where she got it from as my dd wants another and she said 'i' got it from ebay.
I said "oh I thought her aunt got her it?" And she replied "yeah she did, for me".

I'm a mug

OP posts: