Should nursery tell me name of biter?

Wisher88 · 2025-02-23T14:13:48+00:00

DD was bitten at nursery. I understand the policy of not sharing who hits/bites to avoid awkwardness and weird parents exacting their revenge. However I'm concerned by not knowing I'll put my foot in it or have already as we knew a couple of parents and children at nursery before starting. I have said in a group chat with one of those mums that DD has been bitten, because we tend to share all the ups and downs of life with toddlers. Now occuring to me could be their child who has bitten DD and wondering whether I should ask nursery on this basis as it could make it more awkward if I don't know?!

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Springadorable · 23/02/2025 14:17

No, they absolutely should not tell you. Just be mindful of what you say in the chat. And remember that while it's your child that was bitten this time, next time your child might be the biter.

Maray1967 · 23/02/2025 14:18

Or even if your child at nursery is not a biter, your next one might be - that’s what I’ve had to deal with …

MoiraSuppose · 23/02/2025 14:19

No, they shouldn't.

And really you shouldn't be writing anything in a WhatsApp that you wouldn’t say to anyone if you did know who it was.

Coffeeishot · 23/02/2025 14:20

Another parent will know if their kid Is a biter if one of them is on your group chat they might say, it's definitely not up to the nursery to tell you to avoid any awkwardness.

Coconutter24 · 23/02/2025 14:23

No they definitely do not need to tell you the biters name only tell you if an incident has happened and that’s it being dealt with. If you’re worried about putting your foot in it by putting it in a group chat then just don’t say anything

Withoutuse · 23/02/2025 14:24

No.

The schools my kids are at deal with bullying without informing parents, as it stops fights breaking out between parents.

Never involve the bloody parents with each other. It ends badly.

hockityponktas · 23/02/2025 14:27

No absolutely not. Maybe just move on and accept that sometimes these things happen.
its not a big deal, sometimes children bite- it might be your child next time.

FindusMakesPancakes · 23/02/2025 14:27

When I was friends with the biter and my child was the bitee, it didn't take long for us both to realise as we were talking about nursery. I would not have expected to be told by the nursery though.

SatinHeart · 23/02/2025 14:31

Nursery shouldn't tell you who bit your child and also they likely won't tell the parents of the biter which child it was they bit.

So until you posted it in the WhatsApp that, the other parents probably didn't know who their child bit. As the parent of an ex- biter, it's not necessary to know. They can address the biting behaviour without knowing who it was, especially if it was the first time.

Original poster

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:31

hockityponktas · 23/02/2025 14:27

No absolutely not. Maybe just move on and accept that sometimes these things happen.
its not a big deal, sometimes children bite- it might be your child next time.

I've not said at any point that it is a big deal or that I'm somehow holding on to it.

OP posts:

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 14:32

Nursery aren't allowed to tell you. Personally I wouldn't have put that on a group chat unless you're particularly close friends with all the people on it. It's got the potential to cause trouble and no one else needs to know. I'm on several group chats related to my children's school and they are only really used for people querying things like term dates, homework etc. Once it did get a bit wild with someone slagging off someone else's child and the school sent a letter out addressing it.

SirChenjins · 23/02/2025 14:32

No they shouldn’t - so just watch what you say in WhatsApp. Remember that your child might be the biter (or hitter or kicker or mean child or whatever) in years to come - think about how you’d feel if you knew your DC’s name was being shared with or discussed by parents.

Original poster

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:37

SirChenjins · 23/02/2025 14:32

No they shouldn’t - so just watch what you say in WhatsApp. Remember that your child might be the biter (or hitter or kicker or mean child or whatever) in years to come - think about how you’d feel if you knew your DC’s name was being shared with or discussed by parents.

Edited

Sorry where did I say I was going to share the name of a toddler who has bitten my child?

OP posts:

Thejugglestruggle · 23/02/2025 14:37

As ppl have said, I think it's best for nursery to deal with it. This is how school deals with friendship issues too so it's a good practise run.
The only time when I would want a bit more information/go in to talk to nursery is if the biting became a persistent problem/involved a repeat offender!!
Both my kids were bitten at nursery - and didn't bite - so I know how you feel!

hockityponktas · 23/02/2025 14:37

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:31

I've not said at any point that it is a big deal or that I'm somehow holding on to it.

Show quote history

No but wanting to chat about it in WhatsApp and posting on mumsnet about it would suggest both those things.

Comedycook · 23/02/2025 14:38

No...I can't see why you would need to know. I also wouldn't have put it on the WhatsApp group.

Original poster

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:39

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 14:32

Nursery aren't allowed to tell you. Personally I wouldn't have put that on a group chat unless you're particularly close friends with all the people on it. It's got the potential to cause trouble and no one else needs to know. I'm on several group chats related to my children's school and they are only really used for people querying things like term dates, homework etc. Once it did get a bit wild with someone slagging off someone else's child and the school sent a letter out addressing it.

Yes - particularly close I'd say. It's not a nursery group, it's our social group. It's fairly typical to share what has happened to each others children at nursery, both those who have been bitten/hit and also the ones who have done the hitting. All inevitable as toddlers. I'm certainly not concerned about such a minor incident. And I certainly didn't slag off the child.

OP posts:

100PercentFaithful · 23/02/2025 14:42

No they shouldn’t. It wasn’t very tactful to mention it on the group chat either - imagine how the poor mum of the biter felt - it feels a bit like you were stirring up trouble.

TeenLifeMum · 23/02/2025 14:43

Stop gossiping about nursery drama on WhatsApp and you’ll avoid “putting your foot in it”.

100PercentFaithful · 23/02/2025 14:45

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 14:32

Nursery aren't allowed to tell you. Personally I wouldn't have put that on a group chat unless you're particularly close friends with all the people on it. It's got the potential to cause trouble and no one else needs to know. I'm on several group chats related to my children's school and they are only really used for people querying things like term dates, homework etc. Once it did get a bit wild with someone slagging off someone else's child and the school sent a letter out addressing it.

Different topic but it’s so crazy that a school have to send out a letter to grown adults (who they have no authority over). It’s really for the other adults in the group chat to sort.
Poor schools not only have to parent the children but it seems they also have to parent the parents!

Allswellthatendswelll · 23/02/2025 14:46

Why put all this stuff about kids biting or being bitten on the group chat at all? Just let the nursery deal with it. It sounds like this WhatsApp group is not going to end well.

TidyingThePantry · 23/02/2025 14:47

They never share this. You'll find that as your child gets older, they will be able to tell you if another child has hurt them.

My children have been the biter and the bite recipient. I was always told if my children had hurt another child. I found it so much harder when my child was hurting others than when they were the ones being hurt. It was always due to frustration and an inability to communicate. They grew out of it thankfully.

I'm not sure what benefit it would be to know who the child is. The nursery will be taking steps to stop it happening again. The parents will probably also be trying to manage this at home. Unfortunately, it's a phase some children go through.

Allswellthatendswelll · 23/02/2025 14:47

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 14:32

Nursery aren't allowed to tell you. Personally I wouldn't have put that on a group chat unless you're particularly close friends with all the people on it. It's got the potential to cause trouble and no one else needs to know. I'm on several group chats related to my children's school and they are only really used for people querying things like term dates, homework etc. Once it did get a bit wild with someone slagging off someone else's child and the school sent a letter out addressing it.

Honestly parents WhatsApp groups can be the bane of nursery or schools life when they get like this! They should just be for exchanging admin info.

RockahulaRocks · 23/02/2025 15:00

You’ll not be told but it gets a bit more fun when the kids get older and start identifying the biter/pusher/hitter, occasionally to the parents directly, if they happen to be collecting at the same time. “Rose hit me with a wooden spoon today, Rose’s mummy. Look at the mark”

nodramaplz · 23/02/2025 15:03

YABU
you do not need to know