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Original poster

Should nursery tell me name of biter?

70 replies

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:13

DD was bitten at nursery. I understand the policy of not sharing who hits/bites to avoid awkwardness and weird parents exacting their revenge.

However I'm concerned by not knowing I'll put my foot in it or have already as we knew a couple of parents and children at nursery before starting. I have said in a group chat with one of those mums that DD has been bitten, because we tend to share all the ups and downs of life with toddlers. Now occuring to me could be their child who has bitten DD and wondering whether I should ask nursery on this basis as it could make it more awkward if I don't know?!

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Mylifeupsidedown · 23/02/2025 15:07

As the mother of a biter we were told when our dd bit someone - honestly I felt awful but know for the child it’s a learning thing and they grow out of it. I mean I had a few people I knew in the class and tbh I was open with them and just apologised if they commented on the fact their child had been bitten. I feel like mums/dads understand that unfortunately these things happen. I think if you’re worried about feeling awkward then what are you asking/saying in the first place? My dd was 1 and half and out grew it by 2. Nurseries do not say names for protection.
hopefully the culprit will soon learn what they need to stop biting.

Savemefromwetdog · 23/02/2025 15:26

Your kid will soon be able to tell you who it was. If it’s intermittent, and different names, it’s fine and nursery should deal with it easily.

If it’s the same name over and over, I’d be talking to the nursery.

aylis · 23/02/2025 15:30

They can't and won't tell you but I also don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning your child was bitten in the chat. I don't see why it would be awkward - if their child is the biter than all that happens is they know who they bit.

Mydadsbirthday · 23/02/2025 15:31

I have twins and one of them was a biter so it's not even about parenting, it's just them... and they grow out of it.
Made me laugh when she bit her brother and they called me to say she'd bitten someone and then said her brother had been bitten, but wouldn't tell me she'd bitten her brother until I forced it out of them Grin

xanadu123 · 23/02/2025 15:32

Why does it matter if you inadvertently told the biter's mum your DC got bitten? If it is her DC then she'll understand it's not some anonymous child but someone she knows. And hopefully will address it with her child irrespective instead of ignoring it. If it isn't her child, it won't make a difference. Don't know why it would be awkward for you, your child was the victim.

But nursery shouldn't and won't tell you and you don't need to know, unless it becomes a habit.

SirChenjins · 23/02/2025 15:41

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:37

Sorry where did I say I was going to share the name of a toddler who has bitten my child?

Show quote history

I didn’t say anything about you sharing the name with other parents. You have literally asked in your OP if the nursery should share the name of the biter with you - Now occuring to me could be their child who has bitten DD and wondering whether I should ask nursery.

JoyousEagle · 23/02/2025 15:47

Yes - particularly close I'd say. It's not a nursery group, it's our social group

I don't think there's anything wrong with you mentioning the bite if it's a group of friends rather than a wider group of everyone from the nursery.

I'm in a WhatsApp group with four other mothers from nursery. Our older DC are all friends from nursery and now we have younger DC the same age as each other at the same nursery. It's not a "nursery WhatsApp" it's friends from nursery (as opposed to the whole class WhatsApp I have for DC1, which is different).

I don't think the nursery should tell you who though. But with friends I don't think it would necessarily turn into a drama. We've definitely all mentioned in the past, either with our current nursery children or our older ones "X was bitten at nursery", and if any of us had been the parent of the biter, the reaction would almost certainly have been "oh shit, sorry, they told me Y had bitten someone!! The nursery said they're going to do xxx to try and make sure it doesn't happen again, and we'll put a stop to it if it happens at home" or something.

How old is your DC? This won't be an issue for very long, as they'll be able to tell you themselves soon enough.

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 15:50

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:39

Yes - particularly close I'd say. It's not a nursery group, it's our social group. It's fairly typical to share what has happened to each others children at nursery, both those who have been bitten/hit and also the ones who have done the hitting. All inevitable as toddlers. I'm certainly not concerned about such a minor incident. And I certainly didn't slag off the child.

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I wasn't saying you slagged off the child. Just an example that these kind of comments can escalate and people end up upset and pissed off when their child is brought up negatively.

Mayflyoff · 23/02/2025 16:10

It won't be long until your child can tell you anyway, which makes the nursery/school not telling the parents a bit pointless.

As a parent, it is useful to know who the child is, so that you can build a picture of whether the same child is injuring yours repeatedly. If they are, you can ask what the school/nursery is doing to keep your child safe. Yes, you shouldn't have to do this, as patterns should be spotted by the setting. But things fall through the net with so many children to track and parents should be their children's greatest advocates.

Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:25

100PercentFaithful · 23/02/2025 14:42

No they shouldn’t. It wasn’t very tactful to mention it on the group chat either - imagine how the poor mum of the biter felt - it feels a bit like you were stirring up trouble.

I'm not quite sure what you mean?
There are 20 children in the class and only one of the children's mums is in our social circle prior to nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:36

Allswellthatendswelll · 23/02/2025 14:47

Honestly parents WhatsApp groups can be the bane of nursery or schools life when they get like this! They should just be for exchanging admin info.

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah there seems to have been a strange assumption by some posters that I've put it in a nursery group chat which would be bizarre.
For context, it's our NCT group chat, and just happens one of the other families is at the same nursery. Your kid being bitten (for the second time) at nursery is something of note, along with all the other parenting experiences.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 23/02/2025 16:40

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:36

Yeah there seems to have been a strange assumption by some posters that I've put it in a nursery group chat which would be bizarre.
For context, it's our NCT group chat, and just happens one of the other families is at the same nursery. Your kid being bitten (for the second time) at nursery is something of note, along with all the other parenting experiences.

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Well if it wasn't a nursery group chat you didn't make your point particularly clear or you are minimising.

Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:40

JoyousEagle · 23/02/2025 15:47

Yes - particularly close I'd say. It's not a nursery group, it's our social group

I don't think there's anything wrong with you mentioning the bite if it's a group of friends rather than a wider group of everyone from the nursery.

I'm in a WhatsApp group with four other mothers from nursery. Our older DC are all friends from nursery and now we have younger DC the same age as each other at the same nursery. It's not a "nursery WhatsApp" it's friends from nursery (as opposed to the whole class WhatsApp I have for DC1, which is different).

I don't think the nursery should tell you who though. But with friends I don't think it would necessarily turn into a drama. We've definitely all mentioned in the past, either with our current nursery children or our older ones "X was bitten at nursery", and if any of us had been the parent of the biter, the reaction would almost certainly have been "oh shit, sorry, they told me Y had bitten someone!! The nursery said they're going to do xxx to try and make sure it doesn't happen again, and we'll put a stop to it if it happens at home" or something.

How old is your DC? This won't be an issue for very long, as they'll be able to tell you themselves soon enough.

Yes - the group is completely unrelated to the nursery, it's not a nursery group. One of the families happens to attend same nursery, that's it.
DC is 2 so it is peak biting age, and I've no concerns re the biting, they're toddlers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:42

Coffeeishot · 23/02/2025 16:40

Well if it wasn't a nursery group chat you didn't make your point particularly clear or you are minimising.

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It's pretty clear and I'm not minimising. You are reading something that isn't there.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 23/02/2025 16:46

Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 14:13

DD was bitten at nursery. I understand the policy of not sharing who hits/bites to avoid awkwardness and weird parents exacting their revenge.

However I'm concerned by not knowing I'll put my foot in it or have already as we knew a couple of parents and children at nursery before starting. I have said in a group chat with one of those mums that DD has been bitten, because we tend to share all the ups and downs of life with toddlers. Now occuring to me could be their child who has bitten DD and wondering whether I should ask nursery on this basis as it could make it more awkward if I don't know?!

None of that is clear that it wasn't a nursery chat I mean you can point out where it says it was "another" non related to anything friends chat.

Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:53

Coffeeishot · 23/02/2025 16:46

None of that is clear that it wasn't a nursery chat I mean you can point out where it says it was "another" non related to anything friends chat.

Show quote history

I can't help your poor reading comprehension. Most people would assume that because I highlighted one of them attended the nursery would suggest the rest didn't. To help you, this thread is also not a group specific to my nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 16:55

Mayflyoff · 23/02/2025 16:10

It won't be long until your child can tell you anyway, which makes the nursery/school not telling the parents a bit pointless.

As a parent, it is useful to know who the child is, so that you can build a picture of whether the same child is injuring yours repeatedly. If they are, you can ask what the school/nursery is doing to keep your child safe. Yes, you shouldn't have to do this, as patterns should be spotted by the setting. But things fall through the net with so many children to track and parents should be their children's greatest advocates.

It's the second time, but I doubt it's same child as I don't think this is particularly uncommon.

OP posts:
Megapint · 23/02/2025 17:21

Why are you being such a wanker?. You started a thread asking for people's opinions but seem pissed off that anyone has given one.

caringcarer · 23/02/2025 17:22

My niece told me sister who bit her. The same DC who bit several other DC. The nursery said they'd watch the biter but I think he was too quick for them. After being bitten twice, including broken skin, my sister moved her to another nursery and two other DC moved as well.

Supergirl1958 · 23/02/2025 17:24

OMG no GDPR they’d be in all
kinds of trouble! I cannot believe you would even contemplate it!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 23/02/2025 17:42

@Mydadsbirthday snap!!

"I have to tell you that GirlTwin bit a child today. She had some reflective time out. Then she said sorry."

Pause.

"And today, BoyTwin was bitten. The other child said sorry and they had a hug."

Original poster
Wisher88 · 23/02/2025 17:48

Megapint · 23/02/2025 17:21

Why are you being such a wanker?. You started a thread asking for people's opinions but seem pissed off that anyone has given one.

Correcting people when they've made leaps in assumptions is not being a wanker.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 23/02/2025 17:48

You are entitled to know what your child has done, and if your child has had something done to them. You’re not entitled to know what any other child has done, even if it’s to your child.
This is because what other children get up to at Nursery is private information and nothing to do with ‘weird parents exacting revenge’.
Your opening post does make it sound as if the WhatsApp group is for the nursery parents though.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 23/02/2025 17:52

Absolutely not!!! They're nursery kids, they bite and kick and pinch and it's not the end of the world or worthy of all this angst.

Now if it was secondary school age kids, then I might understand your viewpoint more.

Bloom15 · 23/02/2025 17:53

100PercentFaithful · 23/02/2025 14:42

No they shouldn’t. It wasn’t very tactful to mention it on the group chat either - imagine how the poor mum of the biter felt - it feels a bit like you were stirring up trouble.

My DS was bitten repeatedly by the same child over a period of about 6 months (including on the nose which left a scar and drew blood a couple of times). I didn't really care how the parent of the biter felt to be honest.

DS was not a biter.