Nursery worker made comment that’s left me upset

[ConcernedMumNursery]

Hi
just wanted some advice
my son has been at his nursery FT since he was 9 months old; he’s now 22 months old. The last 2 weeks one of the nursery apprentices has been making odd comments about his behaviour which has made me feel quite sad.

the last 2 days it came to a head, Monday she took me aside to say my son had been bad at sharing, was having to be told multiple times to follow instructions and sometimes was slightly rough (she confirmed he wasn’t hitting or biting but didn’t expand more). I left quite embarrassed thinking my son was Advil but friends have told me this is reasonably normal for the age and probably a phase.

today if I asked if he was better she said no, she had to tell him 5 times to sit down. I apologised and jokingly said to my TODDLER son, oh if you don’t behave X won’t want to be your friend any more…. To which she replied “no I don’t”. I was a bit shocked and sort of laughed and said ah wel maybe he needs to move up to tje toddler room then (he moves up at 2) and she said “yeah that would be good”.

i feel really sad that seemingly someone just doesn’t like my child. I don’t think he’s perfect but I certainly don’t think he’s that off kilter for the average toddler. I have asked other workers about his behaviour and his key worker and they have no concerns. I’m feeling really upset about the situation and unsure whether I need to raise it with a manager. Am I being sensitive? I am 26 weeks pregnant but feel like it’s quite inappropriate thing to say about a small child. Especially when the only example she could give was he wouldn’t sit down?

Awful not advril!

I would report this horrible woman. She is awful

Her reactions were really childish, can you ask for a meeting with his key worker to discuss in more detail? She sounds like she doesn't fully understand early years development actually.

Not acceptable at all 😱

Report it asap

I would ask for a meeting with his key worker. If there are legitimate behavioral concerns, they need to be discussed. If the apprentice does not understand normal childhood development, that needs attention. Wherever the truth lies, it comes with a conversation with someone more qualified.

He's not even 2. She sounds, frankly, unhinged. Imagine telling a one year old toddler you don't want to be their friend!

Definitely report. I’ve nannied for children who have been hard work. I’d talk appropriately to their parents about ways to try and improve their behaviour, but I’d never make comments like that. Completely unprofessional and quite frankly, horrible!

Speak to the manager

This. She’s an apprentice so she’s still learning.

You say she's an apprentice?
She has no right to speak to you and especially your child like that. She obviously has learnt nothing about child development so far and you need to speak to a qualified professional at the nursery about her behaviour.

FWIW not sharing seems like perfectly normal behaviour for a toddler; many children do bite or scratch at that age simply because they don't like their personal space invaded and it does need discouragement but never ever by telling a tiny child you don't like them.

I think she's chosen the wrong career path, quite honestly.

Completely normal behaviour. He’s doing nothing different to any other child his own age. Report her.

Woah she's got very poor communication skills

Definitely raise this.

Yes report her.

Contact the manager straight away. She sounds incredibly unprofessional and immature.

and jokingly said to my TODDLER son, oh if you don’t behave X won’t want to be your friend any more…. To which she replied “no I don’t”

I think ywbvu for this joke, that she was just playing along with/following your lead on.

Your son will always value your opinion/words more than other non-primary caregivers. You are the one who's planted the idea in his head that people don't like him because of his behaviour.

Oh, I misread that!

No, not a good thing to say but she shouldn't have responded in the way she did.

The fact the worker is an apprentice suggests they are inexperienced with young toddlers. They are training and probably on an early years or childcare course. Depending on how far along they are, depends how much knowledge they have on typical toddler behaviour. I would raise comments with manager because it sounds like the apprentice needs some extra coaching with parent hand overs and also some extra training on what is age appropriate behaviour. Some of the courses jump from baby behaviour to suddenly expectations of 3 year olds without really stressing or giving much focus to the transitional behaviour between 18 months and 3.

IME some of the early years/ childcare courses (especially down the apprentice route) can be very lacking, equally there can be very poor apprentice supervision and training given by workplaces who basically use the apprentice as a cheap way to fill ratios.

The behaviour describes sounds in line for DS's age. If the key worker isn't worried and other staff are not worried then I wouldn't be too worried.

Report her.

Blimey - small children don't understand sharing! She sounds like she is in the wrong profession! You child sounds absolutely normal - I'd raise a concern with the manager tbh

I think op is unreasonable for having higher expectations of a nursery apprentice than of herself. The buck stops with the mum. You just don't say stuff like that to your own child, then get huffy when someone merely agrees with you

(Mum or dad, that should say - I assumed op is female!)

I’m not usually one for running to the nursery manager with every little thing but I would absolutely report this asap and ask for a meeting with the manager. There is no way I would want someone who has openly said she doesn’t like my child looking after them especially at that age when he’s most likely not very verbal yet and can’t really tell you what’s going on there.

The nursery apprentice was just going along with op's (somewhat harsh and unusual) parenting strategy, of suggesting people don't like her son if he misbehaves. She simply agreed.

Op would have been up in arms if the apprentice undermined/contradicted her.

The staff can't win. It's a "that parent" situation, in my view

At 22 months they shouldn't be asking him to sit down, he should have a choice of activities to free-flow between. Needing instructions repeated is normal unless he's being actively defiant and being "rough" is meaningless if she hasn't clarified what that actually means. I'd definitely report this and question whether they are following the EYFS.

It's a pretty exceptional 22 month old who understands sharing. My three and a half year old had a health visitor check and when I said she had a reasonably good understanding of sharing/ taking turns, the health visitor said that was good for her age. That's a child nearly twice the age of yours!