Nursery worker made comment that’s left me upset

[ConcernedMumNursery]

Hi
just wanted some advice
my son has been at his nursery FT since he was 9 months old; he’s now 22 months old. The last 2 weeks one of the nursery apprentices has been making odd comments about his behaviour which has made me feel quite sad.

the last 2 days it came to a head, Monday she took me aside to say my son had been bad at sharing, was having to be told multiple times to follow instructions and sometimes was slightly rough (she confirmed he wasn’t hitting or biting but didn’t expand more). I left quite embarrassed thinking my son was Advil but friends have told me this is reasonably normal for the age and probably a phase.

today if I asked if he was better she said no, she had to tell him 5 times to sit down. I apologised and jokingly said to my TODDLER son, oh if you don’t behave X won’t want to be your friend any more…. To which she replied “no I don’t”. I was a bit shocked and sort of laughed and said ah wel maybe he needs to move up to tje toddler room then (he moves up at 2) and she said “yeah that would be good”.

i feel really sad that seemingly someone just doesn’t like my child. I don’t think he’s perfect but I certainly don’t think he’s that off kilter for the average toddler. I have asked other workers about his behaviour and his key worker and they have no concerns. I’m feeling really upset about the situation and unsure whether I need to raise it with a manager. Am I being sensitive? I am 26 weeks pregnant but feel like it’s quite inappropriate thing to say about a small child. Especially when the only example she could give was he wouldn’t sit down?

Doesn't sound like this is the right job for her. Speak to the person in charge, not only for your child but those that she will be dealing with even when your son has moved rooms.

This.

The nursery worker's comment was unreasonable and so was yours.

Unprofessional - needs reporting.

We all know nursery workers have favourites, ones they feel fairly neutral towards and… less favoured ones shall we say. But to be a good nursery worker parents should have no idea where their kid falls in that pack, and neither should the kid!
I’d make a complaint.

Her attitude towards your son would concern me and I would be raising this with his key worker and the room leader and then on to management if it felt necessary

He's 22 months.

Telling him repeatedly to sit down goes with the territory 😂

So does reminding them to share, kind hands etc.

I also think I'd have a word with manager.

Yes - sometimes there is a noticeable change in a child's behaviour and you raise it parents.

But it's not usually because you're concerned they are behaving like a child can - but often you say "oh they've been quite unsettled the past few days" and parents usually say "oh the cats died/ Nan is ill/ We have a new car or they have a new bed" or something that makes you and them go 💡 - that's the reason!

Bloody hell, I still have go tell my teenager to do things several times. Her expectations of a toddler seem way off.

Mum said the apprentice wouldn't want to be his friend.

Of course she isn't (yet) very good at the job she's training to do though, that's the whole point of training.

I’m a baby room leader and have children of your sons age in my room
and the behaviour you describe is completely acceptable and developmentally appropriate! Sounds like she needs some support/training in what to expect of your child and how to talk to you also. You are definitely not being silly to feel upset by this, he’s only a toddler! I would definitely ask to speak to your child’s key person or the room leader! xx

She's an apprentice... a kid herself... she'll have no real idea how to communicate effectively with parents or children - she'll be learning.

You would be wise to report her.... it'll be an amazing learning opportunity for her!

Your son's behaviour sounds normal to me.... I'm amazed that you didn't tell her his behaviour was a 'her' problem considering she's suppose to be taking care of him.

Not acceptable at all. You need a meeting with the manager this week.

You’re ds is 22 months old? What strange things to report to you-it all sounds perfectly toddler like!
Let the manager know your concerns, but don’t spend anytime worrying about your ds’s behaviour.

Your sons behaviour is normal

She seems inexperienced so feedback to the nursery manager will only help her

But when your child's behaviour is in the spotlight whether it's normal developmental stuff or not.. it can make you feel rubbish. I think that is a default feeling, so don't be hard on yourself.

Speak to the manager about it. I had something similar when my lo was 2. Apparently he wouldn't sit down for a story and kept interrupting. I work with kids and know what he should and shouldn't be doing. I said yeah well, he's two. That was the end of that!

Can you find a nursery with more experienced staff? I would be really concerned by her attitude.

She sounds incapable of thinking what to say/ addicted to put people , kids?! Down. This is not a person who is fit to work with kids

Every nursery will have young, inexperienced trainees. Experienced staff have to learn somewhere.

I’d be having a word with the manager about her unprofessional staff.

I work in Early years and her attitude is terrible.

My daughter is 2 and a half and still has to be told multiple to to do something (especially tidy up) - and she's actually very well behaved for her age! Sometimes at handover they'll tell me something like she was playing with her food today and didn't stop when she was told or she didn't want to join in with the activity. But they always add that it's fine/expected/developmentally normal. In the case of the former they only told me because they wanted to ask whether she does that at home as well.

I would complain to the nursery manager, I would never allow anyone from my DS nursery to speak to me like that..hope you get it sorted..very unprofessional even if she is an apprentice

Report to the Room Leader, they are the first port of call before the Manager.

The Manager will only refer it back to the Room Leader. It's up to the Room Leader how they escalate it, and the first point after them would be the Deputy.

Then request a meeting with his key worker and raise the problems that the apprentice has raised with you and find out how you can support his behaviours at nursery and at home.

You should speak with the room leader or manager. We would want to know this is happening so that we could train the staff member both in how to approach parents and the expectations of the age group. It sounds like she shouldn't be allowed to be speaking to parents without someone overseeing the interactions.

By letting senior staff know you are ensuring she receives proper training. But I also understand your upset, none of us want to be made to feel our child isn't liked by someone.