Surviving Stereotypes

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

A support thread for neurodivergent people to discuss the issues that affect them both on MN and in the outside world

(Please, not a fight thread where people come along to: explain autism to us, tell us we're doing it wrong, don't understand the issues, tell us we're competing with autistic children or our issues don't matter.)

The stereotypes I mainly encounter are: we lack empathy and the high/low functioning stuff. I rarely talk to people in the outside world, so my communication mainly occurs online.

Hello! Checking in. It’s tricky because the internet is open to all so you can’t stop people posting opinions but it would be nice to chat about some of the difficulties managing really.

It would be nice just to chat about the difficulties without having to justify myself all the time. The defensiveness required takes a lot of energy.

Thanks! Marking my place.

The empathy fallacy drives me absolutely mad, I have to say. I’ll be back later to expand. s

High functioning means you're autistic but don't actually have any real issues in life like low functioning autistic people do. In fact the difficulties high functioning autistic people have are the same as neurotypical people, everyone's a bit like it really.

NO! NO! NO! NO!

I'm a high functioning autistic person who chats away on here but if you saw me in the street I'd hide to avoid interracting with you. And if I couldn't hide I'd splutter and mumble and say something incoherent or embarrassing or both. Except you wouldn't see me in the street as I never leave my house unless I have to. I don't even go in the garden. I have support workers who come round to walk around the block with me 3 times a week so I don't lose the ability to walk. They go with me to appointments too and help me with life admin. I don't work, I've never held down a job in my 50 years. And I have complete and utter meldowns if my wifi doesn't work. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life that I don't get out of bed or showered or dressed for days on end. But yeah, I'm just grand as I'm high functioning.

I can't even buy jam FFS!

When I first went shopping for jam back in my youth I was so totally overwhelmed by the choice that I bought one of each. Several years supply all in one go. Did this a few times and then internet shopping arrived. It took me months to work out which one to buy. Now I buy the same one every time. I have half a dozen jars in the pantry incase I can't get hold of that specific one. Not because I particularly like it but because I can't face having to choose another.

I get so overwhelmed with life that I don't get out of bed or showered or dressed for days on end. But yeah, I'm just grand as I'm high functioning

I hear ya 🙂

I like the jam story 😄

I have a thing with the woman who lives opposite me. She's super nosey and asks a lot of questions. A couple of years ago she caught me off guard and grilled me about various things and of course I overshared (I was having real mental health struggles)🤦‍♀️ I avoid her like the plague now and even blatantly ignore her because I just can't cope with her. She probably thinks I'm a right stuck up cow 😄

Anyone come across the eye contact thing?

Ds1's paediatric psychiatrist wouldn't give him an autism diagnosis because he has good eye contact 🙄 and can have a two way conversation 😐

Thankfully the autism assessment centre didn't agree and he now has his diagnosis.

I don’t understand eye contact. I don’t know what I’m meant to do so I either stare at someone or look at the floor.

I can do eye contact (well, I look at the tip of people’s noses but it seems to pass as eye contact). Problem is, that takes so much processing power that I can’t take in anything else while I’m doing it. So if I need to listen to someone, I need to drop eye contact. And then I get accused of not listening.

I think if you can look between their eyes it can still look convincing enough to pass as full eye contact.

But how long for? All the time you are talking? This is the bit I don’t get. I get distracted watching ti see what they do and lose the conversation

I think five seconds is about right then glance away then go back again. A youtube video I watched said 10 seconds of unbroken eye contact makes you look like a psychopath 😆

I do 5 seconds, look away for 1, back for 2, kind of look around their face in a triangle (left ear, right ear, chin), back for 4, away for 2 and then repeat until the conversation is over.

Which is why when I’m concentrating on that I can’t take anything else in!

It’s exhausting when people insist on judging you by their own social conventions.

Which is why when I’m concentrating on that I can’t take anything else in!

This, totally.

I remember learning how to fake good eye contact from a Just 17 article on how to flirt. They too said to look between the eyes and glance away occasionally. Still works 30 years later!

I remember learning how to fake good eye contact from a Just 17 article on how to flirt. They too said to look between the eyes and glance away occasionally. Still works 30 years later!

😆 sounds reasonable

I don't like eye contact. It feels invasive and like the person can stare deep into my soul and identify that I'm a fake person 😱 I feel like I'm just pretending to be human and any slight mistake might reveal my awful, inadequate existence.

I must have missed that, flicking to position of the fortnight 😂 . It’s just not a natural thing at all for me. I don’t like looking at peoples eyes - I remember being reallly freaked out at school looking at my teachers eyes and realising they were looking at me.

I must have missed that, flicking to position of the fortnight 😂

That was More magazine. Also very educational.

Hi!
I started a thread yesterday and found this via a link to a link.

We need to be able to talk to each other without being made to feel like shit

@IncompleteSenten

Hi! I started a thread yesterday and found this via a link to a link.

We need to be able to talk to each other without being made to feel like shit

I completely agree but not sure what the answer is.

If we post here then it’s difficult for people to find us and join in.

If we post elsewhere it’s way too easy for people we don’t want to post to find us.

Our own section would be brilliant.

We need to be able to talk to each other without being made to feel like shit

Amen to that. I’m doing a shift in an open plan office today and I was “peopled out” by about 11am. I think my masking abilities have eroded over lockdown.

Just looking at this thread every now and then is cheering me up.

Also the empathy thing.
And the eye contact thing. Can't be Autism as you can make eye contact. Well, yes I can as a learned behaviour and even then, in my head it's all fucked up and I'm doing it wrong.

I sat down with my Occupational Therapist ages ago. Started wringing my hands and fiddling with my watch. Said "I think I might be Autistic" She's lovey, don't get me wrong, but all I got in return was "Believe me, you aren't Autistic" This was the first time I'd met her. She didn't know me. I only chose to open up to her because I couldn't face my GP saying "So what is it you think is wrong with you now Rainbow?"

I'd like to think that in another few years it will get better. There's a lot more info put there now and a lot of folk speaking up.

No much to expect just want to be believed and respected.

The problem is that the health care professionals are treating autism as a tick box diagnosis process. Because it's a spectrum 'condition' and affects a significant percentage of the population who have different backgrounds, cultural experiences, intelligence levels, life experiences etc. It just can't be reduced to a list of symptoms. It's like, how would you identify a neurotypical person? Wow, where to start. We're actually no different.

The health professionals in the UK are about 15 years behind in terms of truly grasping what autism is. Proper accredited assessors are more up to date of course.