Surviving Stereotypes

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

A support thread for neurodivergent people to discuss the issues that affect them both on MN and in the outside world

(Please, not a fight thread where people come along to: explain autism to us, tell us we're doing it wrong, don't understand the issues, tell us we're competing with autistic children or our issues don't matter.)

The high functioning, low functioning one is hard to discuss, even with other autistic people.
My brother is 44 and is profoundly autistic, he can't communicate at all. He learnt to talk to he but he just says random things to himself, he cannot have any form of conversation. He cannot mask like I can so his autism is very obvious. He stims constantly, by rocking, flicking his hands and making sounds. He can be violent and has punched my mum in the face a few times. He cannot toilet himself, get dressed or do any self care at all. He wouldn't eat or drink at all unless someone fed him. He would literally just sit in his chair till he died.
I know its a contentious issue but my needs and his needs are very different and I DO function better than he does. That's not to say I function well though. I can't work and can't make friends etc.

I'm 'high functioning' and care for myself, but my life is very restricted and I have mental illness as a result of the effects of my autism over the years. I have to get dh to advocate for me as I can't talk to people beyond scripted small talk about the weather. People look at me like I've got two heads when I start trying to express myself. I'm reliant on medication and my life is going to be cut short because of my difficulties.

It makes me feel sad that there seems to be competition between carers of high care needs people and people like me. Carers can advocate for themselves and navigate the system (unless they're ND as well) whereas I can't. I couldn't even access help for my ND dcs.

Controversial opinion but I believe that aspergers should never have been removed from the DSM.
When I was diagnosed, it was aspergers syndrome and that's what's on my medical notes.
I understand that others feel differently and I really don't want to argue about it with anyone, I'm just giving my point of view.
Funnily enough, my eldest son was diagnosed 6 years ago and his notes also say aspergers syndrome. I've no idea why though.

I'm diagnosed with aspergers. They still use this term in the UK. I think the DSM is more for American assessors.

We're not supposed to use the term because of who Hans Asperger was and what he did. I'm not bothered what I'm called, NTs seem to call the shots so I just wait and see what the terminology is and let them argue it out amongst themselves.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I'm diagnosed with aspergers. They still use this term in the UK. I think the DSM is more for American assessors.

We're not supposed to use the term because of who Hans Asperger was and what he did. I'm not bothered what I'm called, NTs seem to call the shots so I just wait and see what the terminology is and let them argue it out amongst themselves.

That's a good way to look at it I think. Everyone on "autistic twitter" seem to hate the term aspergers now and say that diagnosis is just ASD now but my sons definitely wasnt. I'm happy to use the term. I understand if others are not.

I think it's because the Americans think their diagnostic terms are the same as theirs. Ds2 was diagnosed as aspergers type last year.

Same as ours, sorry

This is a great thread. I think for me the stereotype of having no empathy is the hardest one of all because I have always had a lot of empathy and I think most neurotypical people I have ever met have been the same. Also assuming that all neruroypcial people are the same when we are all individuals

Not so much a stereotype but I think we can often be misunderstood since we tend to 'mirror' situations we are in - that is in a hostile environment we will become hostile since that is what happens if most of your interactions with other people end up.

Now I can see that simply being quiet can cause a considerable amount of hostility - you're stuck up, you think you are better than other people etc - even if you do nothing to re-inforce that.

MNet for all its faults has managed to help me see how other might see me. I struggled throughout school with people keen to mark me as the worst person ever - although they never could ever give any specifics about the terrible things I did of course.

But I am an introvert and I also talk to literally anyone the same, like the CEO of a 1Bn company, emeritus professors or mums on the school run - it doesn't make sense to not talk to them differently. I also am a blunt plain speaker - even more so since I often have to give detailed information in strict time or word limits. This was more of an issue when younger since people in authority can struggle with that not to mention playground hierarchies. Combine that with being hyperlexic and having a sky-high reading age as well - you can guess the rest.

I hate much of what has already been mentioned. Mainly the high functioning illusion, lack of empathy and eye contact stereotype. Yes the eye contact is difficult for lots, but many women have taught themselves to give good eye contact. I couldn’t do it at all when younger but taught myself to hold the gaze for approx 5 secs then look away. Also to look at the tip of the persons nose so it looks like you are looking straight into their eyes, but you aren’t so it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable.

Also the lack of empathy/ feeling in general is really hurtful. It makes us sound like robots! Just saw on another post that someone accused me of spouting bullshit when all I was doing was telling the truth about a situation, which she found hard to believe. I a, actually really upset and offended because I don’t lie full stop, and it would’ve been such a stupid thing to post about. But obviously I can’t really be upset because as an autistic I am devoid of all emotion 🙄 Infact I find I am hypersensitive to injustices and false accusations even things like on MN where clearly it doesn’t really matter. I struggle to let go of things emotionally. Anyone else find that?

I struggle to let go of things emotionally. Anyone else find that?

Yeah, definitely. Things from years ago - even seemingly small - still affect me.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I'm diagnosed with aspergers. They still use this term in the UK. I think the DSM is more for American assessors.

We're not supposed to use the term because of who Hans Asperger was and what he did. I'm not bothered what I'm called, NTs seem to call the shots so I just wait and see what the terminology is and let them argue it out amongst themselves.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's, which perfectly sums up what I am. The NTs can crack on with themselves - what happened to 'no discussion about me, without me'?

From a stereotype PoV, the one that really gets me is 'oh, you don't look autistic!' (tinkly laugh, head tilt)

I'm 42. I have been autistic all my life. During that time, I have gained several degrees, work in a director-level role in a global organisation (admittedly in IT / information systems, so a bit of a stereotype, I guess), have been in a relationship for almost 20 years, have friends, hobbies, own a house etc.

I can make eye contact and small talk. I even quite enjoy parties.

I've also learned to mask like a pro and build layer upon layer of coping strategies, at no little personal cost. I wasn't always what you see now. Indeed, even within that, there are times I will still melt down completely, although I have the great good luck to have a very supportive and understanding NT partner, family and friends.

If people could have seen the toe-walking, non-verbal then echolalia-ing, stimming, spinning, withdrawn seven-year-old version of me, then perhaps they might rethink what 'looking autistic' means.