New thread for all Chinese mothers

[wyls]

I think this might work?!

well done wyls for doing this, I am such a procrastinator......................

Hope everyone is good. My parents just got back from HK after a month, phew now I can look forward(!!!!!) to labour knowing my parents will be around to keep an eye on dd.

Hi everyone .... thought i'd start with another question for everyone...

how much time does your DH spend in the company of your family, especially on special occasions like xmas, new year, birthdays?? what do you usually do for xmas??

i'm writing about xmas, because i need to keep my mind off this moving business - very sad and stressed and will not have internet for a few days after we move

My family lives abroad so time spent with them is minimal but INTENSE!

Having said that DH lived in my parents home for about a year or so while he was working out there and my parents live with us for a month (or 3!!!) when they come to visit.

We normally spend Christmas with DH's family and Chinese New Year with mine (although that will all change now as we're tied to school hols) so we might try and go spend Christmas with my family next year.

hello
just to turn blossom2's question around, I am the whitey and we live with my MIL. So a lot of time

yingers is it really nearly time for you to have your baby?

Suzy - don't think I could live with MIL the way you do .... respect!!!

Nor can I. Total respect for you, suzywong

Before we were married we used to spend christmas day with our own parents but since we got married we have come up with an idea that we will spend christmas with my parents one year and then his parents (two set of them as they are divorced) the next year. This year is my parents turn and i am so glad that we have come up with the idea cos obviously with the DS this year everyone will be figthing to spend christmas with us.

Saying that my MIL and FIL dont seem to be that interested with my DS which is quite upsetting in a way. My mum and dad would see my ds almost every week and my mum especially sees him at least 3 times a week. But my MIL will only visit once every 2 weeks and we havent seen my FIL for almost 2 months.

yingers, just want to say good luck and all the best with the labour.

blossom, hope the move goes well.

hello all,

suzy - yep am 37 and half weeks now so anytime. I have a feeling I will actually be on time ratther than early, but who knows?

blossom - regarding xmas, my b-day is xmas eve so we tend to spend 24th with my parents and then xmas day with dh's. And boxing day is either just us, one of my aunt's place or his cousin's!

My parents esp mum dotes on dd so we tend to go over at least once every weekend, and mum comes over every week normally if she is not busy. In-laws we tend to see every other week, and sometimes more if there is a birthday or other event.

Wlys - I think on the whole it is easier for the parents of the mum to play an active role in their grandchild's life as they are less inclined to be worried about being interferring, pushy etc so try not to read too much into your MIL/FIL behaviour.

Suzy - don't think I could live with my MIL. DH will have the joy of living with my mum for a month perhaps more once baby is born!!!!

Hello everyone...

better explain my situation ... in-laws have to travel to see us and so far has always stayed with us (which has been stressful at times for me) and they dont take an active role in DDs lives. and although i do understand that xmas is a western celebration, my family also hold a big get together. perviously i on xmas day, i cook xmas lunch and then me & dd1 go to my folks for the evening - dh mostly chickens out. and then dh spends chinese new year with us althoug the last 2 years he hasnt (work & us being in paris). So i'm disappointed at the fact i never get to spend a whole xmas day with my family - the food is generally better and its a great atmosphere. over 30 of us cramped into a 2 bedroom hse - it really is great fun.

dh has always reasoned that xmas is his celebration and in-laws dont see dds that often (about 3/4 times a year) and chinese new year is my celebration .... it just feels wrong and i do want the girls to know their cousins (all 16 of them) ....

what does everyone think? should i push for us to spend xmas with my family this year?? its a toughie...

Suzy - there is NO WAY i would live with my mother-in-law ... total respect & admiration ... definitely could not live with my mother for more than a few days...

Blossom - whilst I agree that xmas is traditionally more of a western celebration, in essence it is a family event and shouldn't IMHO be divided into "yours" or "his". Both dh and I are both chinese and xmas is equally as important as chinese new year. So yeah, why not push for xmas with your family this year? It would only be fair to take it in turns to spend xmas with each side of the family. As for his folks only seeing you guys 3/4 times a year - why not suggest another event in the year? My folks live in HK so we go to his folks for all the annual events.

Wyls - my in-laws don't see my dd very often either, prob about once a month although MIL does ring every week for updates. I wouldn't take your MIL/FIL attitudes too personally. Some people prefer children when they are older, not when they are babies.

Suzy - you are a braver woman than I!

Yingers - best of luck!

thanks for all the ... dunno, is it "shout outs" the young people call them theses days. It does mean a lot to me as I sometimes think I am not managing very well as I do get claustrophobic and stressed every so often.

My MIL is the sweetest most accommodating person I know, she's a widow now so it's important for us to stick together. I do get annoyed sharing a kitchen and when she tells me I must wrap the kids up more warmly when they go out ( this is Australia and they are half English ffs,she has no idea of the drizzle and drear their little systems can take)

I love that the kids are with their Po-Po and that they will see that extended families can work and hopefully will let me live in their shed when I'm old and crusty, forward planning you see (wink)

Suzy - completely understand where you are coming from, my mum and I have the most trying of times when she's here on extended visits. Sometimes I find myself resenting the fact that she's taken over the kitchen but really she feels she's helping me by taking over the cooking (and she is!!).

I think some of the difficulties arise because we are used to it just being our little family and then we have to adjust to another person being around.

The "wrap them up well" bit is a particular Chinese quirk, had an old spinster aunt who used to wear a cardigan all day - this was in the tropics when it was 30 degrees (C) outside and she would pay the little boy next door to come in and open her fridge door to get food out for her because she was worried about catching a cold from the fridge!!!

Blossom - what about taking turns during Christmas with both sets of parents, CNY with your parents and Easter with your in-laws?

spray@paying boy to open fridge

I really mustn't grumble at all, I'm sitting here on my arse while she is cooking the dinner and we are living in her house

i have to say that i have never had a prob with my mum taking over the kitchen, but this is largely because her food always tastes better than mine!!!!! Although we do have other areas of tension,ie, her thinking it is ok for dd to use crayon on my kitchen cabinets!! my mil is not domestic so she would NEVER make anything in my kitchen apart from coffee!

on a diff note do u think we`should have a mums only meet up after the new year?

Hi again everyone
Havent had time to post for a while and wont again for a while as we are about tohave builders in todo a loft conversion and may not be able tohave internet access fora while (long story).

My Mum (English) would never take over the kitchen, but MIL (Chinese) sure did when she came for a month. She was doing it to be helpful and because it was what she expected to do in the situation. It was hard, but we did eat well, very well! Couldn't stand it on a permanent basis though. I suppose it would be different if it was permanent, on the other hand, as we would all be getting on with our own lives rather than entertaining her and SIL for a month.

MIl was extremely concerned about my Mum living alone, and whatever I said I know she thinks we are terribly neglectful. And she does live a very long way away so we don't see her often enough but she wd no more want to live here with us or my brothers than vice versa..

We tend to always have Xmas and CNY just us or with friends, very rarely manage to be with either side of the family as all are far away. (Mine other endof UK, dh's in China) Which avoids arguments I suppose

Good luck Yingers, hope it all goes well for you.

yingers, i am happy to do whatever for our meeting really.

I am ok with my MIL and FIL. It's their lost really. The thing is they only live 20 mins away so it's not far at all. Also, I have known them for like 13 years and have always got on well so I found it very strange that they are not that interested with my DS. On the other hand, they are very keen with my SIL's daughter ... oh well ... I mean I am ok, my DH gets a bit upset about it all really.

Anyway, just want to change the subject now ... my DS rolled over himself yesterday. He hasnt done it since but I am so proud of him.

Wyls - is your ds 4 months old like my dd? She hasn't yet rolled over but can sit up by herself although not for too long. Its very cute to see her gradually lose strength and end up lying down!

Erm... this meet up of mums... are newbies to this thread invited? I would love to come - if allowed!

snowmum - everyone is welcome!

Hiya

Long shot I know, but I'm hoping to find some mandarin speaking pals for DD, now 21 mths. We live in Reading, UK.

DD speaks some French and favourite mandarin phrases are 'wo yao..' 'he niu nai', xiao/da pigu'. Speaks in complete Englidsh sentences. DH and I are convinced having a couple of mandarin speaking pals will do the trick to boost her interest.

DH is French and I'm a Chinese Singaporean.
Would love to meet other chinese mums in the new year!

Beleine - good luck with finding Mandarin speaking pals - have you asked your Health Visitor if she knows of any Chinese speaking mum & toddler groups? You may have to make the distinction here between Cantonese and Mandarin.

I've recently started taking DS to Sunday School at the Chinese Church but DS (now 4) speaks no Chinese so attends the English language Sunday school classes.

But I just wanted him to have some friends who weren't white and / or who were mixed race like him.

Our immediate circle of family and friends in Ireland tend to be mostly Irish (white) and I didn't want him to grow up thinking he was different but that there were other kids like him too.

Yingers - would love to attend mum's only meet up - but am only in London that weekend 28 / 29th Feb!

Snowmum, yeah my DS is 4 month just like your DD. He was born on the 10th June. What about your DD? He cant sit up on his own yet, but he does try to pull himself up when sitting in his rocker. So anytime now.

I am very lucky cos my mum teaches at a local chinese school on sunday. She teaches gcse and a-level so my ds will be attending the school when he's old enough. I do talk to him in Cantonese most of the time. I was born in HK and lived there for 16 years so I can read and write Chinese. I dont expect my DS to read or write but I would like him to speak some Cantonese.

Snowmum, have you started weaning your DD yet?

Pam, my DH is half Irish and my DS has got a very traditional Irish name - Connor Duggan. (Just want to share with you really)

baleine, if you are stuck, you can try posting a new conversation in "Meet ups" area to find maderian speaking mums in your local area.

I speak cantonese and I live in Essex

wyls - Donnor Duggan is an EXTREMELY Irish name for a half chinese boy!!

Does he have a Chinese second name? I gave both DS and DD a Chinese second name and to keep the Irish inlaws happy - gave them an Irish name too (after the chinese name), then DH and I picked first names which we both like but which aren't particularly Irish.