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Original poster

splitting up joint mortgage 2 children unmarried

69 replies

Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 06:42

hi there.

hoping someone can help.

it seems apparent I'm probably splitting up with my fiancé (of 5 years) having been together 10.

we have a home together (joint mortgage) and 2 children, aged 6 and 3.

he is the one choosing to end our relationship (due to an affair with a close friend I may add, as we both worked 50 hour weeks in high pressured jobs, leading me to get PND and withdraw a little, meaning he felt he had to confide in a close friend who I took into our home when she was going through issues :( )

additionally, I also currently have no job, as I was managed out of my job in September, having worked for the company for 10 years, I;m currently unable to figure out what type of job I can now get due to not knowing if he is staying or going. if he stays we can get any job and work the hours out, if he goes im restricted to child hours, with school etc..

he currently transfers me 700 each month with pays for the mortgage and 1 other bill.

what would he need to pay if he left?

obviously I cannot afford the mortgage on my own, and would need assurance we can live here until the youngest is 18.

thanks,

OP posts:
Weenurse · 06/01/2019 06:45

No advice but hugs and 💐

NewIdeasToday · 06/01/2019 06:48

Sorry to hear about this situation. Can’t you get a full time job and pay for childcare like most people do?

Obviously he needs to pay child support as well.

Littleraindrop15 · 06/01/2019 06:50

Depends you might actually need to sell the house altogether. Your technically only entitled to child maintenance payments if you become the main parent. You might or he might need to buy you out of the house /mortgage.

You are better off speaking with a solicitor as you are not as protected as someone who is married

PeaQiwiComHequo · 06/01/2019 06:53

you don't need to restrict yourself to school hours. even with you splitting, why should your earning power take 100% of the childcare hit? you can work things out with him & you both doing a fair share and paid childcare doing the rest.

Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 06:54

NewIdeasToday

thanks for making me feel rubbish!
its not about just the job, its about finding one that allows flexibility to finish on time to collect the youngest from nursery (city centre) and eldest from after school (out of city centre) and starting late enough to drop them in (8am and 8.45) which is not easy.

he has always maintained he will continue to pay the mortgage money and me and the children can stay in this house.
im going to get legal advice this week I think just any experience would be helpful :)

my previous job worked well as we both worked for the same company in the same role, but different location, so we were able to work out our shifts so 1 parents was always there to take the children to school, and the other parent finished early to collect

OP posts:
Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 06:59

little rain drop,

neither would be in a position to buy the other one out

and I would become the main parent

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 06/01/2019 07:00

Just because your splitting up why are you now responsible for 100% of the childcare when you were able to share it before? It sounds like you both need to have a frank discussion about expectations before moving forward. You could look for an employer who offers flexible working so that you can do condensed hours on days where the DCs are with their dad, freeing up some hours for school runs. Try not to limit your future earning potential too much and consider if your ex continuing to pay half the mortgage will be realistic as and when he has a whole new life set up. People promise allsorts during breakups but in reality a few people I know have then had an ex retract on a verbal promise once they have to pay for their own place to or go and get someone else pregnant. He may be a decent guy who keeps his word but try to factor this in to potential financial decisions .

Snog · 06/01/2019 07:01

I think I he would need to pay around15% of his salary but there are online maintenance payment calculators you can use.

Bearsinmotion · 06/01/2019 07:07

Your situation is remarkably similar
to mine, unfortunately still at the uncertainty stage so can’t offer any sage advice! I do work full time in the public sector and have a subsidised nursery and a lot of flexibility so there are options. My ideal solution would be that DP continues to pay half the mortgage and keeps his equity until I can afford to buy him out but it’s been less than a month since we decided to split so not made any decisions yet...

Bearsinmotion · 06/01/2019 07:08

Good luck by the way!

Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 07:09

He's not an awful guy so I believe he would continue to pay the 700. If he continued to pay the 700 I can manage the rest of the finances. He would manage his hours so he picked them up some days and look after them till I'm home and will arrange his days off accordingly too. My worry is that the girl he is seeing wants a child badly and I imagine would have issues if she became pregnant with him paying out such s large chunk of money which is why I'd like a signed document from a solicitor stating what he has agreed to. Is his financial ties to the mortgage separate from childcare costs?

OP posts:
Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 07:14

Bearsinmotion sorry to hear you're going through something similar. My idiot possibly ex partner hasn't decided what he wants yet. Possibility he might stay. But I'm preparing for him not.

OP posts:
Everytimeref · 06/01/2019 07:26

Unfortunately as your not married your options are limited. You might get the right to remain in property until youngest 18 but you would have to be able to afford the mortgage (paying his half in lieu of rental income ).

Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 07:27

Why do I have to pay the mortgage if it's a joint mortgage he's liable for the costs too if we agree to not buy each other out ?

OP posts:
Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 06/01/2019 07:31

You are both jointly liable for the mortgage but as you aren't married there won't be a divorce settlement so you'd have to rely on him to keep his word and pay his half.

Myoldfriend · 06/01/2019 07:34

If he agrees to pay the mortgage, great that helps. What if he changes mind in the coming years and wants to sell up? What if he wants to get another mortgage? What if he loses his job or becomes ill and can’t work? There are many variables so you need legal advice.

bengalcat · 06/01/2019 07:39

I would go and see a solicitor . If an unmarried couple split then broadly speaking assets are divided as to who legally owns what . He would need to pay child support . Most of us however can mange to support one household but two will always be a challenge . I don’t know of course but it can’t be guaranteed he would fund the current roof over your heads indefinitely . Could you take over the mortgage / buy him out at some stage ? Good luck with funding a job that will work for you .

bengalcat · 06/01/2019 07:39

Finding not funding !

Littleraindrop15 · 06/01/2019 07:42

Does he actually want to pay the 700 every month? Will the property still belong to him? What does he say about the mortgage situation?

What if you sell the house and find somewhere you can actually afford to manage because then you are more independent and don't have to rely on him? He isn't obliged to sign up a document stating he will pay 700 every month if he wants to sell and get his share of the money back.

Original poster
Naomitrus1987 · 06/01/2019 07:46

I currently have no job so am living off my savings
We spent years getting a mortgage and now if I sell I basically wouldn't be able to afford to get a mortgage again.
No he's not bound to sign it but if he agrees surely it would be legally binding?

OP posts:
Snog · 06/01/2019 07:53

Sorry but I think you are way overestimating your rights here. You urgently need legal advice.

I think you are entitled to 15% of his income as child maintenance AND THATS IT.

My thoughts are that you have no rights to stay in the house, he doesn't need to continue to pay towards the mortgage and he can insist on selling the house.

Snog · 06/01/2019 07:53

No rights to stay until children are 18

Magstermay · 06/01/2019 07:54

I am sorry you’re in this situation Flowers.

I imagine (not an expert) that as you are not married a lot will depend on whether he wants his share of the house at some point, irrespective of maintenance payments. Could you afford to buy him out of the house?

Bear in mind that if you drop your earnings it will limit your ability to get a mortgage on your own. Totally understand why you’d want a school hours job though!

Littleraindrop15 · 06/01/2019 07:59

Potentially but I don't know who in their right mind would. It makes them vulnerable to legal proceedings etc if he looses his job can no longer afford to pay can't pay for his own housing etc.. Wouldn't really be fair iyswim?

I would suggest going for a contract stating more when one party is able to buy x person out or able to take on the mortgage equity and repayment are split based on who has paid what.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 06/01/2019 08:09

As others have said you have very few rights and you are liable for 100% of the mortgage if he decides he doesn't want to pay it anymore.

If he's in a new relationship then it is likely that he will want to buy a house with his new partner and have children with them, reducing his ability/desire to continue to support you.

I know it's hard but your best option for a good financial outcome for you is to get another job so you are not solely dependent on benefits and him for income.

Although you are probably desperate to keep the children as much as possible your ex should see them enough for them to maintain a relationship with them and for you to work. In a divorce the starting point for child contact is often 50:50.

I'm sorry you are in this position but you need to put aside your hurt feelings and the future you imagined for yourself and face facts and the new reality.