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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

People announcing pregnancy’s so early

66 replies

L2018 · 16/02/2019 16:31

Hi all,

So just been told that a girl I work with is pregnant. When I asked her how far along she is i was gob smacked! 5 weeks!

It makes me really upset and angry! Simply because of my miscarriages and I wouldn’t even dream of telling people until I couldn’t get away with it.

I was always one of these people who thought it wouldn’t happen to me and it does. And I just know that she will probably be one of the Lucy ones who goes on to have a beautiful baby.

#very emotional 😭

OP posts:

elQuintoConyo · 16/02/2019 16:32

Surely it's up to them?

So sorry for your losses

sunshineandshowers21 · 16/02/2019 16:35

my sister in law announced her pregnancy at 6 weeks and bought pretty much everything for the baby before the 12 week scan, which make me very anxious for her. obviously people can announce whenever they want but i’ve never told anybody apart from my very close family until i had had my first scan.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 16/02/2019 16:46

I feel for you but it's her choice and tbh none of your business how early in it is.

Original poster

L2018 · 16/02/2019 16:48

I do get that yes it’s their decision. But I just gont get why people would start anoncing before scans and out of the danger zone so to speak. Any yes tell friends and family but the entire work place I just can’t get my head around it. X

OP posts:

Chimmychunga · 16/02/2019 16:50

It will be very difficult for her to have to explain to all the people she has told if things don't do to plan.

FortyFacedFuckers · 16/02/2019 16:51

I have had miscarriages but I told people I was expecting from 5 weeks because I was throwing up several times an hour & the receptionist in my gp practice shouted across the waiting room to the doctor I have Forty here she has just found out she is pregnant & possibly has shingles so everyone would have knew anyway!

WatchingTheWheels85 · 16/02/2019 16:53

I didn't tell anyone with my youngest until after the 20wk scan. I have no idea how I hid it so well he was born 10b 7 at 38wks plus I had polyhydramnios!

toomuchtoolittle · 16/02/2019 16:55

I've only announced mine after 12 weeks. I'm always shocked when people announce before then, but hey everyone's different

EstrellaDamn · 16/02/2019 16:55

I told all the people who matter straight away. I was throwing up everywhere so no choice really.

I'm sorry it has thrown you, but I don't think we should judge each other on this. If I had had a miscarriage I'd have wanted those people to support me.

Meandmetoo · 16/02/2019 16:56

I told people early, work because of obvious reasons, and friends/family because if anything did go wrong, I knew id need their support straight away. , so for me rather than suffering on my own, something clearly wrong and having to explain why and that being uosetting people, would know why.

I feel for you, I really do op, but your last sentence is a tad distasteful.

Tomtontom · 16/02/2019 16:56

Why should she keep it a secret? If she was to lose the baby then she deserves support, not to be made to feel difficult.

We need to get away from this awkwardness about pregnancy loss. It's not something to hide or be ashamed of.

Meandmetoo · 16/02/2019 16:57

*being upsetting, people would know why

Tookal · 16/02/2019 17:10

I have a family member who didnt tell before 12 weeks, but had a miscarriage and the next time they have told us early.

Their reasoning was that the first time, they went through it all alone, they were all excited then absolutely heartbroken when to the outside world nothing had change. They found it difficult to say "we were pregnant and now grieving".

They decided this time that they wanted their baby to be aknowledged and "real" as part of the whole family rather than something between the two of them

TurquoiseWeekend · 16/02/2019 17:24

I've had a miscarriage and had told quite a few people by 10 weeks when it happened. Those people all then supported me. We should talk about miscarriage. Until I had mine, I had no idea how many people had them. We shouldn't be judged, we should be given love and support.
I'm so sorry for your losses, but yes let's HOPE she is one of the lucky ones who goes on to have a beautiful baby, because surely you'd never wish losing a baby on anyone? No when they announce their pregnancy.

TurquoiseWeekend · 16/02/2019 17:25

No matter when* they announce their pregnancy

namechangechanger · 16/02/2019 17:30

I told people early and then found out on a scan that the baby had stopped growing and I'd had a mmc. I'd still tell people early if I was to get pregnant again as I found people's support to be really helpful.

namechangechanger · 16/02/2019 17:32

Agree with @TurquoiseWeekend that we should talk about miscarriage, before I had mine I also had no idea how common it was. I think people talking about it more would definitely help.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/02/2019 17:35

I’m sorry for your losses.

Your tone about this woman’s perfectly valid choice to share news of her pregnancy is a bit off tbh, of course everyone hopes she’ll be “one of the lucky ones”, no one who’s lost a baby would ever wish it on anyone else, that would be horrific.

Bamchic · 16/02/2019 17:36

I was all set to tel people after 20w scan and never got there, but got to 17w6d
I was so alone. So broken. And no one except DP knew.
It was harrowing.
I will tell people at 6w next time. I will need them if the worst is to happen

BobbinsBoo12 · 16/02/2019 17:39

I told family and friends I was pregnant at about 5/6 weeks with my 3rd dc. I didn't publicly announce it but if it naturally came up in conversation I mentioned it. There were lots of people who knew and lots of people who had no idea until they saw me with a bump.
I had an early miscarriage several months before. For me, telling people was natural and I don't understand then need to keep it a secret until 'out of the danger zone'. For me that baby exists from the moment I know I'm pregnant and I will tell people because I wouldn't keep it a secret if I was to lose my baby through miscarriage. It's not some secret that I need to keep so I don't have to share awful news with people.

I feel like the culture of keeping pregnancy a secret until 12 weeks fuels the idea that talking about miscarriage is a taboo.

I'm so sorry for your loss op I can understand how hard it is but try to understand why some people feel differently to you don't keep it a secret until the ' safe time'.
I've never understood the need to keep it a secret. Why wouldn't you want to share something so wonderful with people in your life even if it ends sadly? There are lots of things in life that can and do go wrong but pregnancy seems to be the thing society tells us we should be quite about for months.

Strokethefurrywall · 16/02/2019 17:40

I told everyone straight away because I live abroad and I wanted my family and friends to know in case the pregnancy was lost and I needed support.

There is no safe zone. I had multiple scans during the first 12 weeks for each of my pregnancies but the reason most people in the UK wait until after 12 weeks is because that is when their dating scan is and the first time they see the baby.

I'm sorry for your losses but what everyone else does is none of your business. Telling people before some perceived safe zone doesn't jinx a pregnancy and I'm getting tired of listening to other people judge another for decisions that have no bearing over the outcome.

A pregnancy may or may not continue regardless of who knows about it, and miscarriage is not something that should be hidden and not talked about. It doesn't have to be private, it doesn't have to be kept a secret. The more people talk about it (if they want to!) the more women will realise they can and should talk about it.

Their grief is not an inconvenience and squirreling it away and hiding it makes it seem as though it is.

RNBrie · 16/02/2019 17:41

I think the 12 week rule was invented by a man to shut women up. We should talk about our babies as soon as we want to and we should share the grief too if that's what suits. So many people experience miscarriage and don't get the support they need or deserve because we hide behind social convention.

I am sorry for your losses

BobbinsBoo12 · 16/02/2019 17:42

*quiet not quite

DuggeesWoggle · 16/02/2019 17:42

I too had told several people at work etc that I was expecting and then had a mmc. I was glad that some people knew as it meant they could support me and be understanding when I took time off work. It's amazing as well how many other people say it happened to them too. I'm glad I hadn't announced it on FB etc but I certainly didn't mind people knowing. Made it more real that I actually was pregnant iyswim. My baby was a real person that lived even just for a few weeks.

I'm pregnant again now, about the same number of weeks as when I lost the last one. This time I think even more people know, as I've felt so dreadful. While I'm hopeful it will all be ok, I will be glad of those people's support if it all goes wrong. Even after 12 weeks you're never really out of the danger zone.

It really is a personal choice. I hope you can be happy for her. Early pregnancy can be really gruelling, she might just need a bit of extra support.

MumofTinies · 16/02/2019 17:50

I lost a pregnancy before 12 weeks, it found it so sad telling people that I had been pregnant but little one had died. When I got pregnant again I announced it as soon as I found out, that way if I had had another MC at least it had been a life celebrated.

We should definitely talk more about miscarriage, something that so many people experience should not be taboo.

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